Actually you did exactly the things I was going to suggest you should do. I was thinking you could do with a synth pad to occupy the top-end and a bit of percussion. You brought them in at around 1.02. Well done!
The verses feel a bit long though. I think you could add a bit of novelty to them a bit sooner. Just some small bit of electronic percussion or something. Anything really.
I don't hear real drums on this track at all though. I advise against it - it's got a real Human League/Ladytron/Komputer feel to it and I don't know what you have in mind there with real drums. Also kind of reminds me of a guy who recorded under the name Laptop in the early 2000s. Did a song called "Nothing to declare" and another called "I'm so Happy you Failed". I think real drums might actually kill the vibe.
I'd like to hear more of the chorus. I think you could have at least one more chorus, probably two. It feels a bit verse-heavy and the chorus is so much stronger and more individual than the verse.
Plus you've got a lovely hook in that flattened-third-note descent at the end of the chorus line (all those "me" "-ese" "ee" sound endings). You should make a bit more of that particular bit of melody if you can. That for me is the real high-point of the song. Maybe double the vocal an octave up, or add a megaphone effect backing mirroring it, or echo it on a synth or something)
Normally I wouldn't say this, but I think you could actually let this track pump a bit. A bit more wooziness, queasiness, craziness, phasey-ness.
VERY nice though - I like it and I normally hate this kind of thing! I'd go all out for retro synth craziness on it.
Minor issue, but I'd agree with the poster above - it does feel like it ought to be a bit brighter.
Thanks guys, we've got to retrack the vox. We tracked them as scratch tracks and they were muddy from the start; I had her too close to the mic and didn't spend any time on pre/comp settings. I tried to fix it with eq and some subtle effects, but I couldn't fool you guys.
I'm definitely not turning this into an organic rock song, but I'm thinking drums might make it a kind of hybrid, and I would keep the electronic percussion for sure. I would make the drums as 80's-sounding as possible.
Binarymilton, I am very intrigued by your comments about the chorus. We were thinking the verse was stronger! You've got me thinking about the structure. Anyway, I will keep these things in mind as we tweak it. Thanks again!
Last edited by Core; 11th November 2010 at 06:57 PM..