The No.1 Website for Pro Audio
 Search This Thread  Search This Forum  Search Reviews  Search Gear Database  Search Gear for sale  Search Gearslutz Go Advanced
closing the studio for fatherhood, Effects Pedals, Units & Accessories
Old 22nd April 2016
  #31
Lives for gear
 
nevefreak's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by tapeslut View Post
anyone done this? I have done the studio thing for a living now for 17 years. I am not rich. I pay my bills. I consider myself successful. The wife and I now have two children. As I am sure you all know, the hours involved to maintain a studio or any business for that matter are daunting and time away from the family has to be expected. I am noticing that I could spend enough time with our first child, but with the second one, not so much. The hours needed to make ends meet just don't leave the hours needed to spend the time that I feel is needed with the family.
I am at a crossroads where I can continue to run a local studio that I love, or become a stay at home dad. The money nulls out. Between daycare, babysitters misc expenses etc, we are going to be in the same situation financially no matter the decision.
I am leaning towards becoming a stay at home dad, but am worried about coping with a life that doesn't revolve around music. Im also noticing the studio biz is starting to negatively affect my health. Long hours, Lots O' Stress, Lots of time sitting, the stress however is the big one,
Anyone here have any experience in this? What did you do? What happened?
Another day job is not necessarily going to be less stress, less hours or less sitting. Pretty much any job that is going to pay well in high tech for instance is going to be high-stress, long hours and lots of time sitting. Follow your heart I guess.
Sometimes it's good to make a change. You can always go back in a few years.
Old 22nd April 2016
  #32
Quote:
Originally Posted by nevefreak View Post
Another day job is not necessarily going to be less stress, less hours or less sitting. Pretty much any job that is going to pay well in high tech for instance is going to be high-stress, long hours and lots of time sitting. Follow your heart I guess.
Sometimes it's good to make a change. You can always go back in a few years.
"I am at a crossroads where I can continue to run a local studio that I love, or become a stay at home dad."

He's not looking for another job. Is anyone reading the OP before having an opinion?!

Apologies for getting a bit passionate about this - it's pretty close to my heart at the moment!
Old 22nd April 2016
  #33
Lives for gear
 
jsvalmont's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by psycho_monkey View Post
"I am at a crossroads where I can continue to run a local studio that I love, or become a stay at home dad."

He's not looking for another job. Is anyone reading the OP before having an opinion?!

Apologies for getting a bit passionate about this - it's pretty close to my heart at the moment!
I took that to mean he is considering being a stay at home dad to be essentially a new day job.
Old 22nd April 2016
  #34
Lives for gear
 
nevefreak's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by psycho_monkey View Post
"I am at a crossroads where I can continue to run a local studio that I love, or become a stay at home dad."

He's not looking for another job. Is anyone reading the OP before having an opinion?!

Apologies for getting a bit passionate about this - it's pretty close to my heart at the moment!
sorry. I missed that detail

I just assumed he was going to get another type of gig
Old 22nd April 2016
  #35
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsvalmont View Post
I took that to mean he is considering being a stay at home dad to be essentially a new day job.
Well yes - it is! But not one that's going to be a 2nd income as DI keeps referring to.
Old 22nd April 2016
  #36
Gear Guru
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Desire Inspires View Post
Keep it open. The family can adjust. Never neglect yourself.
It must get tiring for you always being the Eternal Contrarian. Especially when you find yourself forced to take such ugly and indefensible positions just to remain "different"

it certainly is tiring for us
Old 22nd April 2016
  #37
Gear Addict
 

I make a living writing music. I work from home and can see my 2 year old girl anytime I want throughout the day. I still feel like I need more time with her.

It's different for everyone, but I'd much rather spend time with my family than sleep in another motel room, play in another club, or work late recording another mediocre band.

'Living the dream' is an ego thing, which is not the same as a happiness thing. Go in the direction of happiness, whatever that means.
Old 21st April 2017
  #38
Gear Nut
 

Thread Starter
Where does the time go? I'm still running the looney bin here, in fact it's busy as hell here. Recently replaced one Trident for another and am wiring this beautiful Series 80's aux sends inbetween today's clients. I work four days a week. 3 with the kids, trying to find a balance. I'm thinking of reversing that, but it works. Tired as hell. I enjoy having the studio. I mean it sucks and it's ****ing stupid, but I do enjoy it.
Old 22nd April 2017
  #39
Quote:
Originally Posted by tapeslut View Post
Where does the time go? I'm still running the looney bin here, in fact it's busy as hell here. Recently replaced one Trident for another and am wiring this beautiful Series 80's aux sends inbetween today's clients. I work four days a week. 3 with the kids, trying to find a balance. I'm thinking of reversing that, but it works. Tired as hell. I enjoy having the studio. I mean it sucks and it's ****ing stupid, but I do enjoy it.
Glad to hear you've found some balance between family life and the studio.
Old 23rd April 2017
  #40
Lives for gear
 
voodoo4u's Avatar
If you're lucky, life is long and can carry you through many phases. Being a great Dad can have enormous rewards. I was in your position years ago and gave up the studio to care for my family. One of the best decisions I've made for my life and family and when the time was right, (for me it was when my kids were old enough), I built another studio and picked it right back up again.
My children thrived from having my undivided attention and I felt the pride of having taken my number one job very seriously. Of course, I continued to be a musician and produce music all through the years, but with less intensity until my kids were grown. Best of both worlds.

Life is rarely black and white... there's almost always a third option.

Last edited by voodoo4u; 23rd April 2017 at 03:22 AM.. Reason: more info
Old 1st May 2017
  #41
I interestingly stopped working my 40/week after my first kid was born because I was working a job (UPS) that basically did not allow me to see him M-F. I'd leave before he got up and maybe see him for 10 minutes after I got home ~7-8 pm. My wife did not do great being home the first year she did and wanted to work so we switched. She's an RN and was able to make as much as me and be home way more than I was and I actually do a lot better being with the kids more than she does.

Without really trying I started getting more and more work doing mostly mixing and production for folks out of my home. I end up doing the bulk of my work while my kids are napping or sleeping. For tracking sessions she or the grandparents take the kids out. Idk how it works for other people, but having the kids around for anything other than maybe editing on my laptop isn't happening and even that can be pretty frustrating. I mostly try not to do work when I'm with the kids. Anyhoo, Now she's working part time and I'm taking work whenever it's convenient. So I went from being a hobbyist to being a semi"pro" engineer. Still just taking it day by day, and living tight, but I feel super blessed to be where I'm at and not grinding out a job I hate while never seeing my kids.
Old 1st May 2017
  #42
Quote:
Originally Posted by chinesewhiteman View Post
I interestingly stopped working my 40/week after my first kid was born because I was working a job (UPS) that basically did not allow me to see him M-F. I'd leave before he got up and maybe see him for 10 minutes after I got home ~7-8 pm. My wife did not do great being home the first year she did and wanted to work so we switched. She's an RN and was able to make as much as me and be home way more than I was and I actually do a lot better being with the kids more than she does.

Without really trying I started getting more and more work doing mostly mixing and production for folks out of my home. I end up doing the bulk of my work while my kids are napping or sleeping. For tracking sessions she or the grandparents take the kids out. Idk how it works for other people, but having the kids around for anything other than maybe editing on my laptop isn't happening and even that can be pretty frustrating. I mostly try not to do work when I'm with the kids. Anyhoo, Now she's working part time and I'm taking work whenever it's convenient. So I went from being a hobbyist to being a semi"pro" engineer. Still just taking it day by day, and living tight, but I feel super blessed to be where I'm at and not grinding out a job I hate while never seeing my kids.
That's pretty cool (I'm actually on my way home. Unexpected early finish so I'm going home to put the boy to bed, then I'll do some work on headphones later instead of staying at the studio).

I can't work at home at all unless the boy's asleep or at daycare, or out for some reason. And I don't really want to either - I'd rather be with him.

Might have said this already, but I've structured my work so I don't start before 10.30, so I do the mornings (7-9). I couldn't get back in time to put him to bed most days, so that works well. Only a killer if I do a sequence of late nights, but I try not to unless I've got a full band session!
Old 1st May 2017
  #43
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnalogBrain View Post
Hey,
I am a stay at home dad.
I'm 40 with two boys (4 & 2).
My wife has a solid well paying job.

All through my twenties and into my mid-thirties I worked in big name Nashville studios, small local studios and everywhere in between. I also toured in numerous bands. Finally, around the age of 35, I was in a band that started getting national press, record label interest, an entourage of lawyers and managers and publicists etc... wow! The dream was happening!

Then my wife got pregnant. We were so happy, and we assumed that I could keep touring and just get a nanny for when I was on the road. The band was even willing to adjust, and do a 'two week on the road, two week off' touring schedule.

But... as the band became more successful it became clear that type of touring schedule wouldn't work. But more importantly, as my son grew, I couldn't stand being away for that long. Finally, when he was a little over a year old I quit the band. I gave the band a 4 month notice and helped find a replacement. No hard feelings, we're still as tight as ever.

The band has become very successful. Not 'huge', but they're selling out 500 seat rooms and the members are paying their bills. And there is finally a couple of official label offers on the table. Definitely on their way.

The point (OP) is this:
Every day when I wake up and see my two sons' faces... and we laugh together at breakfast and I help get them dressed, I think about how I'm not waking up hungover next to a stinky bandmate with some bull**** interview to do 300 miles away, and I get misty eyed with happiness.
Family is everything. And a strong father who does what's right for his family is the best example a man can set for his kids.

I've been doing projects at my studio the last few years, only choosing clients that I am excited to work with. This fall my second son will start attending pre school with his big brother. My time will significantly be freed up to start building up a client base again.

Just put what is best for your family first. Everything else will fall into place as it should... including your happiness.
That's awesome man.

My kiddo's are 2 & 4 also.

It's funny, I came from the opposite place as a lot of you guys, as I wasn't coming from working in music professionally, but this could still resinate with anyone. I feel like having kids did the exact opposite of what I think a lot of people assume about having kids in a negative "ball and chain" type mentality. I feel like the inspiration and joy of kids made me ten times more productive and motivated to be creative and do what I want to do.
Old 7th May 2017
  #44
Lives for gear
A key consideration that I've hardly seen mentioned: the wife.

I'm guessing by the OP that she's on board with either choice. Important for such a decision.

But beyond that - knowing your partner is critical. There are all kinds of personalities.

Some personalities are supportive, reasonable, who will truly appreciate what choosing to stay home brings to the family. Have some sensitivity around a man giving up working to become Mr. Mom. Recognize what each of you contributes to the home. If so, this can result in a tighter bond and very happy household.

Or, another personality might, after a while, start to trot out "I pay the bills!" in a power play. Or begin to resent having to go to work while you 'lounge' at home and start making remarks about it. Or start to feel edged out of her role of 'mother' that she's shocked to discover she feels more strongly about than she ever imagined, when the kids start wanting dad over mom, the same way, in times past, they felt closer to mom than dad just out of exposure. Any of these can get messy quickly.

There are all kinds of people out there - it's a question of knowing what kind of person your partner is and what kind of relationship you have.

Last edited by musicus; 7th May 2017 at 05:47 PM..
Old 12th December 2017
  #45
Gear Nut
 

Thread Starter
Everything is wrong. Everything is right. My family is still together. My children know my name. My doors are still open, and the 1200 spins.
Attached Thumbnails
closing the studio for fatherhood,-1c803211-1e26-4873-baec-42a97bb7388c.jpg   closing the studio for fatherhood,-1d44cb29-2fdc-4e42-aae3-a89960d09d04.jpg  
Old 12th December 2017
  #46
Lives for gear
 
boombapdame's Avatar
@tapeslut seems like all is well with you? What are you doing musically?
Old 3rd February 2018
  #47
Lives for gear
 
Funny Cat's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by musicus View Post
A key consideration that I've hardly seen mentioned: the wife.

I'm guessing by the OP that she's on board with either choice. Important for such a decision.

But beyond that - knowing your partner is critical. There are all kinds of personalities.

Some personalities are supportive, reasonable, who will truly appreciate what choosing to stay home brings to the family. Have some sensitivity around a man giving up working to become Mr. Mom. Recognize what each of you contributes to the home. If so, this can result in a tighter bond and very happy household.

Or, another personality might, after a while, start to trot out "I pay the bills!" in a power play. Or begin to resent having to go to work while you 'lounge' at home and start making remarks about it. Or start to feel edged out of her role of 'mother' that she's shocked to discover she feels more strongly about than she ever imagined, when the kids start wanting dad over mom, the same way, in times past, they felt closer to mom than dad just out of exposure. Any of these can get messy quickly.

There are all kinds of people out there - it's a question of knowing what kind of person your partner is and what kind of relationship you have.

Great post. I was actually thinking the same exact thing, i.e. how does the missus feel? I’ve seen marriages fall apart after the husband became a stay at home dad. Wife just got resentful. Husband gets depressed. I’ve also known couples who have a great relationship with a stay at home dad.

While I try to spend tons of quality time with my three boys, I know I couldn’t be a stay at home dad. I’d go bonkers! I have to be working or else I just start feeling out of sorts. Can’t help it. It’s just the way I’m coded.

As for the stay at home part, you guys with kids know for darn sure it’s IMPOSSIBLE to do music (of any quality) with a toddler at home. The sleep schedules, 6 square meals a day, bathing them, play time, ear aches, cleaning up spills, tantrums, getting them dressed, doc appointments...takes hours! Then you put them to bed after 5 attempts and you can’t make a squeak!

I know I couldn’t do anything productive at home the first few years my boys were born. I actually left studio life and got a job doing A/V with the Gov’t so I could have health insurance and a 9 to 5 with NO overtime or weekends, lol...just so I could be there for the wife and kids.

Kids are a bit older now so it’s time to get back to music. OP, I’m sure glad you found a way to “have your cake and eat it to”! You’re a lucky guy!
Post Reply

Welcome to the Gearslutz Pro Audio Community!

Registration benefits include:
  • The ability to reply to and create new discussions
  • Access to members-only giveaways & competitions
  • Interact with VIP industry experts in our guest Q&As
  • Access to members-only sub forum discussions
  • Access to members-only Chat Room
  • Get INSTANT ACCESS to the world's best private pro audio Classifieds for only USD $20/year
  • Promote your eBay auctions and Reverb.com listings for free
  • Remove this message!
You need an account to post a reply. Create a username and password below and an account will be created and your post entered.


 
 
Slide to join now Processing…
Thread Tools
Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Forum Jump
Forum Jump