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Stupid things you've been told working in the studio Plugin Bundles
Old 15th December 2010
  #1
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Stupid things you've been told working in the studio

Recordingsnob English's Blog

English translation from the original italian blog.

Enjoy! And please, feel free to add new anectodes here, they will be added to the blog.
Bye
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Old 15th December 2010
  #2
I recorded with the internal mic into garageband.

I only have Mp3s.

I'd like to book 30 minutes.

I figured mixing and mastering was included.
Old 16th December 2010
  #3
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guy refusing not to have rhythm: "ur metronome's broken"
Old 16th December 2010
  #4
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A producer (I use that term loosely), who fancies himself an engineer as well, once gave me grief for using an RTAS plugin because he felt they sounded different than a TDM plugin.
Old 16th December 2010
  #5
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jchadstopherhuez's Avatar
 

at least one project a year:

"the click track is speeding up...."

recent fun one:

a preproduction meeting at my private studio with a band about doing a project....i'm playing the band some of my work through my proac 100's that sit on the meter bridge of my console. most of the band is sitting on the couch directly behind mix position. singer has decided to sit on a drum throne on the left side of my console, almost behind the console.... facing at a 90 degree angle to me....and the speakers.

after hearing a few tracks. singer: "yeah..i don't know man...what are these like some kind of speakers you got at best buy or something ? there is like NO stereo imaging at all in your mixes...i'd have to bring in my mackie monitors to be able to work with you."

same dude that snickered to the drummer when they walked past my 1940's radio king kit mic'd up with 2 coles 4038's, and a lomo 19a19...."this dude only has OLD S#$t to record with...."

he then asked me what plug-ins i had....and scoffed when i told him i did not have the complete waves mercury bundle.....but assured me....he did, along with "pretty much every plugin out there"

i'm sure he will be using them for the next few years as they work on their album without me.

best,

jchristopherhughes
Old 16th December 2010
  #6
Deleted User #43636
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mixman499 View Post
at least one project a year:

"the click track is speeding up...."
Classic. Goes with : "not only you sped up the music when I was singing, but you also detuned my vocals !"
Old 16th December 2010
  #7
Vocalist "I can't hear myself in my headphones." Me on studio talkback - try putting them on first. Vocalist "hey that's a lot better"

Drummer " I can't hear the click track" me on talkback - you said you did not want a click track Drummer "Oh yea"

Guitarist to me "you can fix all the bad notes in mixing. I did not have time to learn this part of the song" Me on talkback - Sure no problem!<craftily thinking to myself but it is going to COST you>

Bass player to me - These headphones don't have any bass in them can you do something about it?" Me on talkback I will give you another pair. Bass player "another pair of what?"
Old 16th December 2010
  #8
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This isn't stuff from studio work, but still....

High school band director: Are you sure you have to put the microphones in the front row? Couldn't you just put them in the back of the auditorium?

High school band parent: Out of all of the microphones on stage, why is one not pointed at my son/daughter (I get that one a lot)?

Band parent: I think all of that stuff is a waste. I get awesome sound from my video camera.

Random people: How can you charge for this when you don't even have an MBox?
Old 16th December 2010
  #9
Deleted User #43636
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client : "where are all the speakers ?"

me : "i've got these small Yamahas I dont use for mastering, and here are the Dynaudios"

client : "yeah, I see them, but where are the others ?"

me : "I've got no other"

client : "the guy at the studio where we recorded the vocals told me that mastering engineers have a wall of speakers from all brands and sizes and that the ME must make the record sound exactly the same on every pair."
Old 16th December 2010
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by WVUtubadude View Post
This isn't stuff from studio work, but still....

High school band director: Are you sure you have to put the microphones in the front row? Couldn't you just put them in the back of the auditorium?

High school band parent: Out of all of the microphones on stage, why is one not pointed at my son/daughter (I get that one a lot)?

Band parent: I think all of that stuff is a waste. I get awesome sound from my video camera.

Random people: How can you charge for this when you don't even have an MBox?

You must do a lot of remote recording work...

Here are some of my favorites from our on location work...

Why can't you make the microphone stand thinner? That way you would not be "blocking" the conductor - from the conductor's wife. <our microphone stands are about as thin as possible and are painted black>

Why do the microphones have to be in the center why can't you put them on the sides of the hall so you don't block the view of the orchestra and the conductor. - from the conductor of the same orchestra as in the above. <see above>

Who told you that you could run microphone cables on the floor. We have a no cables policy here at the church.- from the church custodian <meaning that no outsiders can be hired to do the recording since the church has all built in AV equipment>

Why don't you use radio microphones so you don't have cords running all over the place? They seem to work good for the TV announcers and our minister. - from the choir director in the church.

The PA system is still on why don't you turn it off??? - from a parent<it was not our system and we did not have anything to do with running it> We told the parent we would "take care of it" and a few minutes later the PA operator woke up and turned off the announce mic that was left on>

I want a BluRay audio recording of today's event.- from a parent.

You guys must be really new to this I see you are only using two microphones to record this whole symphony orchestra - from a parent < I did not want to take the time to explain I had been doing this for 40+ years and had recorded over 3500 concerts so I just told him "well we will try and do better next time">

I have decided that I want NO microphone stands on stage because it confuses the children - from the youth choir director.

Where is your .5 microphone - I understood this was being recorded in surround. - from a parent

I read in Mix that the best microphones to do this type of recording were the Neumann microphones why aren't' you using them? - from a parent.

Can I tape my camcorder to your microphone stand?- from a parent.

Why does your microphone have to be in the middle of the front row, we could sell those seats - from the promoter <1200 seat auditorium less than 1/3 full>

Lady picking up one of our microphone stands and putting it in the aisle. I went over to her and asked what she was doing. "sonny I have sat in this seat for 40+ years and my seat is more important than your microphone.

More to come...
Old 16th December 2010
  #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thomas W. Bethe View Post
You must do a lot of remote recording work...
Those were all from last Friday
Old 16th December 2010
  #12
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PeeWeeGee's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thomas W. Bethe View Post
Lady picking up one of our microphone stands and putting it in the aisle. I went over to her and asked what she was doing. "sonny I have sat in this seat for 40+ years and my seat is more important than your microphone.
Priceless!
Old 16th December 2010
  #13
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kramsttop's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thomas W. Bethe View Post
Lady picking up one of our microphone stands and putting it in the aisle. I went over to her and asked what she was doing. "sonny I have sat in this seat for 40+ years and my seat is more important than your microphone.
lmao
Old 21st December 2010
  #14
T1M
Gear Maniac
 

this thread has made me rethink my decision to get into the music industry...



thanks a lot gearslutz.
Old 21st December 2010
  #15
Mixing a song.
As the mix develops singer wants for lead vocal to be louder and louder in the mix.
It comes to the point where lead vocal fader can't be pushed anymore because it reached the top of fader travel.

Engineer: " You see, we can't push your fader up any more"
Singer : "Yeah i see, let me record it again, i'll sing louder this time"
Old 21st December 2010
  #16
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invisiblekiduk's Avatar
 

Not exactly what was said, more what was done.

Laying down some tracks for a friend's mixing assignment at SAE in Liverpool, all fine and dandy, except for his partner who kept pointing a condenser mic at my balls instead of the guitar (told ten times that the red dot has to point at the sound) and seemed to think the pop shield on the vocal mic was to be used as some sort of umbrella. I have no idea what happened to that guy, but the real injustice is that the main guy was a mate of mine and had to go back home coz iceland went bust and he couldnt finish the course. And thus the bumbling idiot 2nd guy probably ended up getting his degree just because he had more money and not a clue.
Old 21st December 2010
  #17
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SixAndChange's Avatar
 

Anyone else get the vocal booth "confessionals"? As in, nervous chatter of suprapersonal content in between takes while the vocalist is in the booth. I've heard about it all- prison, drugs, arson, fatal attraction, suicidal thoughts, rape... I need to install a ducker in there.
Old 22nd December 2010
  #18
Working on an RnB Vocal with a young woman a few months ago and she was having trouble with nerves so I did the usual talk her through it and make her feel as comfortable as possible. Seemed to work ok, and we started tracking. At the end of her final take she says to herself, "I hope he doesn't notice the pee".
Old 23rd December 2010
  #19
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Stupid things you've been told working in the studio

Quote:
Originally Posted by SixAndChange
Anyone else get the vocal booth "confessionals"? As in, nervous chatter of suprapersonal content in between takes while the vocalist is in the booth. I've heard about it all- prison, drugs, arson, fatal attraction, suicidal thoughts, rape... I need to install a ducker in there.

I have heard it all just on one record!!! I took all that chatter in between verses, after mistakes, and during Pre/post roll and added a beat and made it a song!!! Gave it to the artist and they had a blast with it!!!
Old 23rd December 2010
  #20
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Graal's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomiboy View Post
Working on an RnB Vocal with a young woman a few months ago and she was having trouble with nerves so I did the usual talk her through it and make her feel as comfortable as possible. Seemed to work ok, and we started tracking. At the end of her final take she says to herself, "I hope he doesn't notice the pee".



LMAO!!! LOL! ))))))))
Old 23rd December 2010
  #21
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I was recording a brass section in the studio once and this rude, hot headed guy just barges into the studio!

"Why are you using a dynamic mic!?"

"You only use them for live stuff. Everyone knows that you only use condenser microphones in the studio"

Not only did I not know who the hell this guy was but he proceeded to start moving mics around, started yelling at the musicians to play better and at the hypothetical "Lighting guy" to turn the lights up.

"Wheres the lighting guy I want more light in this room!"

This guy turned out to be part of the band but his fellow bandmates "forgot" to tell him there was a recording session that day... I wonder why
Old 23rd December 2010
  #22
I was working on an album with a friend of mine; we had set up his rig in my studio and had done a ton of tracking. We had been hired by a person who shall remain nameless (we'll call him/her "Startrucker" for its obvious rhyme).

Startrucker had been prattling on for months about how they were insanely connected in "the music industry" and had easily "the best rolodex" around (NOTE: Who the hell says "rolodex" anymore?).

In any event, we were hired to create the music for a singer-songwriter that Startrucker told us was going to be "huge". So, all of the tracks are done (save the vocals, as the "huge" singer-songwriter was still in another country). We were listening to a playback when Startrucker blurted out "this isn't broadcast quality". My friend and I looked at each other for a moment and said, "Broadcast Quality? What do you mean by that?". Startrucker then said, "This recording isn't broadcast quality; it needs to be broadcast quality or I'm not paying for it". I then told Startrucker that the recording itself was being done at 88.2 kHz, 24 bit and that what we were listening to were the tracks, unmixed and not yet panned into the stereo image that we were looking to build. Startrucker then replied, "But it's not broadcast quality". I was about to tell Startrucker that randomly blurting out "broadcast quality" without knowing what it meant wasn't being particularly helpful when me friend put up his hand and said, "Wait a minute; I know exactly what you mean and you're right; I forgot to do something". He then turns up a headphone knob on the rig (no headphones were being used) and then says, "Can you hear the difference now?". Startrucker then said, "YES! YES! What did you do? It sounds incredible now! Now its broadcast quality".

Suffice it to say that while we did get paid, the project never did get finished; Startrucker found ways to make sure that we never had the vocalist at our disposal for recording. At the end of the project, we each ended up with a hard drive and a couple of bucks....but no completed project (and it will never be completed).
Old 23rd December 2010
  #23
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Sonic Lush's Avatar
I shut the studio door and ran back to the control room -

dropped the channels into input--

through the speakers, all eight of them could be heard having a conversation using one word: penis.

Penis penis penis. Penis? PENIS!! PENIS...penis..PE-

me: "hey is everyone about ready?"

"penis!"

"ok, we're rolling..."
Old 23rd December 2010
  #24
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"I Learned a lot on GearSlutz"
Old 24th December 2010
  #25
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Question

Quote:
Originally Posted by Halloween View Post
"I Learned a lot on GearSlutz"

Win.
Old 24th December 2010
  #26
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"you can cut that, right?!"

"you can tune that, right?!"

"you can make that sound well played, right?!"
Old 24th December 2010
  #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by T1M View Post
this thread has made me rethink my decision to get into the music industry...



thanks a lot gearslutz.
Too late ! You're already in !
Old 25th December 2010
  #28
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illacov's Avatar
 

Talking

I break out the On Stage music stand with the Alicia Keys doppelganger on the packaging.

I set up a microphone on the stand and while I'm doing this the exceptionally naive and gorgeous RnB singer with saucers for eyes says in the most sweet and excited voice:

WHO IS THAT ON YOUR MIC STAND??? IS SHE FAMOUS!!???


LMAO!!

Thank you I'll be here all week.

Peace
Illumination
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