The No.1 Website for Pro Audio
Why can't my friends be happy about my success?
Old 15th December 2019
  #31
Gear Addict
 
Oscar1's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by pencilextremist View Post
my own father is like this towards me, he hates my success and compares himself to me, and acts out to other people as though I learnt everything from him, when in fact I learnt most of what I know from private tutors and studying my arse off, it was nothing to do with him, he's a weekend warrior who thinks he's a pro musician, I am an actual pro musician, staying in a relationship with people like this is very bad for your mental health, I was suicidal, you need to get out of it as soon as possible, he's showing signs of being a narcissist, it's called gaslighting, they do it regularly, I had to grow up with it daily, 7 days a week, it will destroy you if you don't end the relationship, they hope you'll play into it.
Now, that is f-ed up man. With friends, i kind of understand, but own family ... my father is on one hand happy about my success (not in music business) but then he also feels entitled to it. You know like buy me this or that, which is far above standard I live and I have to then go around with stupid excuses. So I know partially how it is.
Old 15th December 2019
  #32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oscar1 View Post
Now, that is f-ed up man. With friends, i kind of understand, but own family ... my father is on one hand happy about my success (not in music business) but then he also feels entitled to it. You know like buy me this or that, which is far above standard I live and I have to then go around with stupid excuses. So I know partially how it is.
it feels like your in constant battle with them, one of the many things they do is start arguments then ALWAYS, always without fail blame you and then say you are being over sensitive or being childish e.t.c. it's infuriating
Old 15th December 2019
  #33
Quote:
Originally Posted by pencilextremist View Post
it feels like your in constant battle with them, one of the many things they do is start arguments then ALWAYS, always without fail blame you and then say you are being over sensitive or being childish e.t.c. it's infuriating
You have to start to flaunt your success in their face when they pull these stunts. Stick to your guns and let them know you are not afraid of being successful.

You would be surprised at how easy it is to get rid of these people after that. You will have one big fight and then they stop coming around you.

Make sure to never apologize to them afterwards, even if they try to apologize. Let them know that you are a new person and have no time for weaklings or unsuccessful people in your life.
Old 15th December 2019
  #34
Gear Guru
 

No need to be a "sore winner".

Also, modesty is underrated in some parts.
Old 15th December 2019
  #35
Quote:
Originally Posted by mattiasnyc View Post
No need to be a "sore winner".

Also, modesty is underrated in some parts.
Only be modest to those who respect you.
Old 15th December 2019
  #36
Lives for gear
 
Jaybird's Avatar
Human competition is a negative trait. If we all worked together we would be flying to the stars, "bill hicks"



That being said my life is in the toilet from the same philosophy.
Old 15th December 2019
  #37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaybird View Post
Human competition is a negative trait. If we all worked together we would be flying to the stars, "bill hicks"



That being said my life is in the toilet from the same philosophy.
So it is not a good philosophy.
Old 15th December 2019
  #38
Lives for gear
 
Jaybird's Avatar
Its good unless you share your good luck with very toxic competitive people then it just becomes a wreck because giving, sharing and compassionate people would rather walk away then compete with toxic people in toxic relationships.

In the absence of a mass effect spiritual singularity it wont work. One can not just reach Self-Actualization alone, I have become a jerk for thinking so.
Old 15th December 2019
  #39
Gear Guru
 

My point was simply that modesty is good and that bragging just to "rub it in" or "make a point" to people who are being obnoxious isn't the only option, "walking away" is another way to deal with the situation.

I find that many people that are super competitive and toxic really aren't going to be all that helped by what you do regardless, particularly if they're older. Why would someone be both toxic and very competitive? Probably because of nature+nurture. So they are who they are and they were nurtured the way they were nurtured... are you going to change that? Are you going to change their behavior? I think it's similar to bullies in the sense that if it's deeply rooted you might get them to not bully you (which is maybe a win if you can't walk away) but they won't stop bullying weaker people - because they are what they are.

So that was sort of the gist of my point.
Old 15th December 2019
  #40
Lives for gear
 
JanZoo's Avatar
Been there, done that.

Actually I am there, and I'm experiencing that, every day, every minute, with friends, family etc...
Old 16th December 2019
  #41
Gear Maniac
 
mik303's Avatar
 

...

Last edited by mik303; 16th December 2019 at 01:05 AM..
Old 16th December 2019
  #42


Check out at 0:51.

“And if you need a friend, get a dog.”
Old 18th December 2019
  #43
Lives for gear
As luck would have it, I am doing an HR course right now as I shall be launching a project that requires me to manage a large group of people who may end up feeling rather insecure and may seek to bluff it out. I am learning (I hope!) how to cope with such situations.

The part I am doing right now is narcissism in the workplace and beyond - if you feel the need to talk about your perceived success and your friends do not want to hear about your perceived success, that is one of many indicators that you might be suffering from this personality disorder.

It is an inherited disorder and there is absolutely no cure or treatment.

I have a tip for the OP - Your friends do not want to hear about how you are superior. If you have had real success, pointing out how great that success has been is your way of belittling others. Telling them (directly or indirectly) about your success only serves to give you a feeling of personal gain. Try to develop empathy for the negative impact that you may be having on the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people.

In my job, I get to talk to some genuinely successful people and they are as a group usually remarkably reticent about shooting their mouths off about their money or their achievements.
Old 18th December 2019
  #44
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Byre View Post
As luck would have it, I am doing an HR course right now as I shall be launching a project that requires me to manage a large group of people who may end up feeling rather insecure and may seek to bluff it out. I am learning (I hope!) how to cope with such situations.

The part I am doing right now is narcissism in the workplace and beyond - if you feel the need to talk about your perceived success and your friends do not want to hear about your perceived success, that is one of many indicators that you might be suffering from this personality disorder.

It is an inherited disorder and there is absolutely no cure or treatment.

I have a tip for the OP - Your friends do not want to hear about how you are superior. If you have had real success, pointing out how great that success has been is your way of belittling others. Telling them (directly or indirectly) about your success only serves to give you a feeling of personal gain. Try to develop empathy for the negative impact that you may be having on the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people.

In my job, I get to talk to some genuinely successful people and they are as a group usually remarkably reticent about shooting their mouths off about their money or their achievements.
I don't entirely agree with this, it's normal to tell close friends what you've been up to and that includes success, it doesn't make you superior to them, the problem is how they perceive it.
Old 18th December 2019
  #45
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Byre View Post
I have a tip for the OP - Your friends do not want to hear about how you are superior. If you have had real success, pointing out how great that success has been is your way of belittling others. Telling them (directly or indirectly) about your success only serves to give you a feeling of personal gain. Try to develop empathy for the negative impact that you may be having on the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people.
Total rubbish.

I get successful and I have an incurable disease? Yes, that is a great disease to have!

Anyone who tries to make me feel bad or about my success is not someone I associate with. Friend, family, significant other, it doesn’t matter. Ditch them. Winners want to hang with winners.
Old 3 weeks ago
  #46
Lives for gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desire Inspires View Post
Anyone who tries to make me feel bad or about my success is not someone I associate with. Friend, family, significant other, it doesn’t matter. Ditch them. Winners want to hang with winners.
If you knew something about the disorder of narcissism, you would realise just how funny and revealing that statement really is!
Old 3 weeks ago
  #47
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Byre View Post
If you knew something about the disorder of narcissism, you would realise just how funny and revealing that statement really is!
Right.

All I know is that I wouldn’t keep any whiners around as friends. I would ditch them and get newer, more successful friends. That makes the most sense for me.
Old 3 weeks ago
  #48
Gear Guru
 

lol
Old 3 weeks ago
  #49
You: Why can't my friends be happy about my success?

Me: Your true friends are happy about your success. Your haters are not. Any friends who are not happy about your success are no longer friends. They are haters. Cut them off, immediately!
Old 3 weeks ago
  #50
Lives for snowflakes
 
12ax7's Avatar
 

I ain't got time to even be happy about my OWN damn success!

Why the hell should my friends think I got time to be happy about theirs?
Old 3 weeks ago
  #51
Gear Guru
 

I think I learned the terms "winners", "losers" and "haters" in one of the philosophy classes when I got my PHD in Dialectics. Interesting stuff..
Old 3 weeks ago
  #52
the main flaw in the winner looser mindset is, what if you actually are a looser? it's a very irritating americanised mindset that creates black and white thinking, anyone can say you are a looser, you can even convince yourself you are a looser by selective thinking and only focusing on what you've done wrong, the brain can selectively pick out what you decide to focus on and block out everything else, whence thas understands this, one is free of tut mind.
Post Reply

Welcome to the Gearslutz Pro Audio Community!

Registration benefits include:
  • The ability to reply to and create new discussions
  • Access to members-only giveaways & competitions
  • Interact with VIP industry experts in our guest Q&As
  • Access to members-only sub forum discussions
  • Access to members-only Chat Room
  • Get INSTANT ACCESS to the world's best private pro audio Classifieds for only USD $20/year
  • Promote your eBay auctions and Reverb.com listings for free
  • Remove this message!
You need an account to post a reply. Create a username and password below and an account will be created and your post entered.


 
 
Slide to join now Processing…
Thread Tools
Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Forum Jump
Forum Jump