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Old 1 week ago
  #8041
Lives for gear
 
clump's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Red View Post
One of these days I'll find a comfortabe stage name. Maybe I should choose a superhero name like "Batwebs Spiderhulk"
This has a really nice authentic feel, could imagine Mr. Cash himself singing it.....nice work Batwebs!
Old 1 week ago
  #8042
Gear Nut
 
The Noodlist's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Red View Post
One of these days I'll find a comfortabe stage name. Maybe I should choose a superhero name like "Batwebs Spiderhulk"
Cool, reminds me of IGotWorms, unfortunately, that user deleted their previous posts.
Old 1 week ago
  #8043
Gear Head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Red View Post
One of these days I'll find a comfortabe stage name. Maybe I should choose a superhero name like "Batwebs Spiderhulk"
Sometimes an irregular beat benefits a song, but in this case I found it created draggy parts that seemed more like lack of practice than anything intentional. Thought: if you used that irregular beat to make it sound like a river flowing that might work, the sparse structure would give you the option to sell the river.

There is a reason that they force click tracks on us free spirits.
Old 1 week ago
  #8044
Gear Head
last recorded tune seeking critique

Just me and guitar, Sort of a Christmas Song
Folky, Bluegrass

https://soundcloud.com/rocky-lavine/...-waitress-song


A tale told by a waitress in Dayville

A Happy Time
House smells of bakery and pine
presents around the tree
I spend my night
in fret-full sleep
like any 9 year old on Christmas Eve

My father scooped me out of bed
carried me downstairs through a roaring sound
barelegged in the snow
I watched our house burn down

Our parents held us close and said
nothing important was lost
but I heard the worry in their voice
and I knew we were tempest tossed

I followed our neighbor
to my best friends room
where I fell into a sleepover
clouded with gloom

but in the morning
there was pancakes and syrup
and the love of this poor family like my own
laughing in Sarah’s clothes
I didn’t feel so all alone

Sarah’s dad threw a couch
in the back of his old pickup truck
drove me across town to a house that was all opened up
people coming with things in their arms
and leaving with smiles on their face
I imagined they were the Magi
and that a Christmas star shown above the place

That night I lay down on clean sheets
with my new clothes scattered around
in a house that had more stuff in it
then the one that had just burnt down
I thought about neighbors love and responsibility
and I decided I would grow up to be
the kind of neighbor that put our family back on it’s feet

now it’s many years later
and I paid back my dues
given freely
and never felt used

it’s just a small town
where we love one another
them that need help all the time
we treat just like brothers
and it’s just a small world
filled with way to much sorrow
I pray we learn to be good neighbors
before we run out of tomorrows.

a happy time
house smells of bakery and pine
presents around the tree
I spend my days thankful for my neighbors
especially on Christmas eve.

P.S. I know I forgot to trim the end.

Last edited by Rolavine; 1 week ago at 10:47 AM.. Reason: Added end note
Old 1 week ago
  #8045
My latest track: Ice Maiden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqvC2wZpw5Y
let me know what you think! xx
Old 1 week ago
  #8046
Lives for gear
 
wagtunes's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rolavine View Post
Just me and guitar, Sort of a Christmas Song
Folky, Bluegrass

https://soundcloud.com/rocky-lavine/...-waitress-song


A tale told by a waitress in Dayville

A Happy Time
House smells of bakery and pine
presents around the tree
I spend my night
in fret-full sleep
like any 9 year old on Christmas Eve

My father scooped me out of bed
carried me downstairs through a roaring sound
barelegged in the snow
I watched our house burn down

Our parents held us close and said
nothing important was lost
but I heard the worry in their voice
and I knew we were tempest tossed

I followed our neighbor
to my best friends room
where I fell into a sleepover
clouded with gloom

but in the morning
there was pancakes and syrup
and the love of this poor family like my own
laughing in Sarah’s clothes
I didn’t feel so all alone

Sarah’s dad threw a couch
in the back of his old pickup truck
drove me across town to a house that was all opened up
people coming with things in their arms
and leaving with smiles on their face
I imagined they were the Magi
and that a Christmas star shown above the place

That night I lay down on clean sheets
with my new clothes scattered around
in a house that had more stuff in it
then the one that had just burnt down
I thought about neighbors love and responsibility
and I decided I would grow up to be
the kind of neighbor that put our family back on it’s feet

now it’s many years later
and I paid back my dues
given freely
and never felt used

it’s just a small town
where we love one another
them that need help all the time
we treat just like brothers
and it’s just a small world
filled with way to much sorrow
I pray we learn to be good neighbors
before we run out of tomorrows.

a happy time
house smells of bakery and pine
presents around the tree
I spend my days thankful for my neighbors
especially on Christmas eve.

P.S. I know I forgot to trim the end.
Very nice. Would love to hear this with a full arrangement, building as it goes along.
Old 1 week ago
  #8047
Lives for gear
 
wagtunes's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katherine_Alicia View Post
My latest track: Ice Maiden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqvC2wZpw5Y
let me know what you think! xx
Cool. If you listen to the triplets it's 3/4. If you listen to the kick, it's 4/4. If you listen to both, your head spins.

Really enjoyed this. Had me tapping my foot a lot.
Old 1 week ago
  #8048
Gear Head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katherine_Alicia View Post
My latest track: Ice Maiden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqvC2wZpw5Y
let me know what you think! xx
I liked it, maybe because I just finished a Christmas Song, I kept hearing the Bell Carol in there in the middle part. I could hum that melody over it, and the rhythm seemed to fit, strangely but fitting.
Was it all done on Computer or did you play some of it? Just Curious not a value judgment.
I wasn't bored but did wonder about the number of repetitions of the descending chordal pattern, but you broke it up with some very nice tasteful and short additions.
Old 1 week ago
  #8049
Gear Head
Thanks, I really wanted your take on it before doing anything else with it. I have a dozen songs to record, so some of them are going to end up guitar and voice only. I'm not out for anything commercial at this point, but would a fuller arrangement actually make some big shot want to record the song over just the simple? I think it's an academic question anyway because they are never going to hear it in the asylum of songs anyway.
So, my joy must be in doing, creating and learning, and that's plenty for me.
Old 1 week ago
  #8050
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rolavine View Post
I liked it, maybe because I just finished a Christmas Song, I kept hearing the Bell Carol in there in the middle part. I could hum that melody over it, and the rhythm seemed to fit, strangely but fitting.
Was it all done on Computer or did you play some of it? Just Curious not a value judgment.
I wasn't bored but did wonder about the number of repetitions of the descending chordal pattern, but you broke it up with some very nice tasteful and short additions.
Thanks! no DAW used (I wont allow a PC in my studio, I don`t trust them). just synths and an MPC as a sequencer
Old 1 week ago
  #8051
Gear Head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Red View Post
I enjoyed the song, if you sang it with less breathyness I think it would sound even better!



I couldn't get any river swing in there but I fixed the timing on this one, thanks for the advice!
Yeah I can tap to it now, nice, I think the vocal came out a little clearer in this version too.

The Dayville Waitress song has been in process for 18 months, just couldn't get the lyrics right until yesterday, and it was just a quick recording. I spent more time messing with mics to get the guitar right than I did playing it. The vocals were done sloppily at about 1am yesterday one take, just to see how they fit, and I need to dump some syllables. I need to take the song down at least a half step to F in order to sing it without straining on the highs, and singing it an octave below just has the wrong feel. So the vocals are scrap but I think I can use the guitar part. I sang it sitting down, I had imbibed a bit, standing up allows me to pull away for the breathing. I didn't hear the breathing as I was reeling from the poor high notes of the vocals.

Did you think the lyrics were good, is it too corny, preachy, irrelevant to the story, did it touch you emotionally, was it believable, anything sticking out, anything you didn't like or felt was said wrong? I know a lot of questions but I'm trying to be able to hear my stuff as someone else does. Thanks.
Old 1 week ago
  #8052
Gear Head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katherine_Alicia View Post
Thanks! no DAW used (I wont allow a PC in my studio, I don`t trust them). just synths and an MPC as a sequencer
,

Thanks, keep up the good work.
Old 1 week ago
  #8053
Here for the gear
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rolavine View Post
Yeah I can tap to it now, nice, I think the vocal came out a little clearer in this version too.

The Dayville Waitress song has been in process for 18 months, just couldn't get the lyrics right until yesterday, and it was just a quick recording. I spent more time messing with mics to get the guitar right than I did playing it. The vocals were done sloppily at about 1am yesterday one take, just to see how they fit, and I need to dump some syllables. I need to take the song down at least a half step to F in order to sing it without straining on the highs, and singing it an octave below just has the wrong feel. So the vocals are scrap but I think I can use the guitar part. I sang it sitting down, I had imbibed a bit, standing up allows me to pull away for the breathing. I didn't hear the breathing as I was reeling from the poor high notes of the vocals.

Did you think the lyrics were good, is it too corny, preachy, irrelevant to the story, did it touch you emotionally, was it believable, anything sticking out, anything you didn't like or felt was said wrong? I know a lot of questions but I'm trying to be able to hear my stuff as someone else does. Thanks.
The story was translated well, the guitar playing and vocals are good. Now that I'm listening in headphones I hear that this is a nice falsetto register. Listening through a small computer speaker, the breaths before each line might be too loud. Maybe too much compression? I was hearing too much noise/details when I went crazy on my vocal compression.
Old 1 week ago
  #8054
Gear Head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Red View Post
The story was translated well, the guitar playing and vocals are good. Now that I'm listening in headphones I hear that this is a nice falsetto register. Listening through a small computer speaker, the breaths before each line might be too loud. Maybe too much compression? I was hearing too much noise/details when I went crazy on my vocal compression.
Thanks, I redid the lead vocal today, f# with no strain, the original recording was also in F# but it and the voice were brought down via digital manipulation, so the strain was still in the voice. played with some harmony and the bass part, then started playing with my Yamaha toy drum. I need to add a drummer to the rest of my one-man, time-lapsed band. Just watched video on how to hold the sticks, that's how newbie I am on that front. Thankfully this is no rock anthem and minimum drums will work fine, I think I can do it one handed.
Old 1 week ago
  #8055
Lives for gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Red View Post
I enjoyed the song, if you sang it with less breathyness I think it would sound even better!



I couldn't get any river swing in there but I fixed the timing on this one, thanks for the advice!
I enjoyed that. Not sure I can offer any advice to improve it as it works as it is. Nice and simple and had me tapping and listening to the words. What more do you want?
Old 1 week ago
  #8056
Lives for gear
 
cjogo's Avatar
A little Surfin' >> today's mix
Attached Files

LOST IN CYBER SPACE.mp3 (8.93 MB, 393 views)

Old 5 days ago
  #8057
Lives for gear
 
wagtunes's Avatar
 

12th track from my upcoming CD "Chroma"

Something very different from me. Lo-fi Hip Hop. Got a lot of nice comments on this one. Wasn't expecting it. Anyway, had a lot of fun doing this. Obviously not to be taken seriously.

All comments are welcome

Mashed Potatoes

Makin' a meal one that I like
Everything's gotta be just right
Take out a bowl to throw it all in
If I leave out one thing you know it's a sin

Too many cooks spoil the meat
Maybe I should just go and cook my feet
No one will notice the toes in the bowl
If they do then I'll just toss them in a hole

It's almost done now my favorite dish
You can have some if you make a wish
Bet you can't guess what's on my plate
Bet you can't guess what I just ate

Well I'm gonna tell you if you're real good
I'd like to share some if I could
But this is all mine for me alone
Cause I'm just like a dog with a bone

Mashed potatoes
Mashed potatoes
Mashed potatoes
Mashed potatoes

They taste real good with turkey and ham
My name is Sam, Sam I am
Join me next time for my favorite food
You might just get some if you're not rude

So goodbye for now hope you had fun
Sorry my friend but I gotta run
Need to get some more of this treat
And no I don't mean my stinky feet

Mashed potatoes
Mashed potatoes
Mashed potatoes
Mashed potatoes

(Some add lib nonsense)

Old 5 days ago
  #8058
Lives for gear
 
wagtunes's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Red View Post
This is a crappy 1 day demo but I want to move on and record some happier tracks. Might need a happier stage name, maybe Happy Chillmore.
It's difficult to comment on your music when you keep deleting everything you post. I don't have time to listen to this now. Will it still be here in a few days when I can make time?

FWIW, this account activity seems very similar to another member we had here who also deleted everything he posted.

Anyway, I'll try to get to this when I can. Hopefully, it will still be here.
Old 4 days ago
  #8059
Here for the gear
 
IGotWorms's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by wagtunes View Post
12th track from my upcoming CD "Chroma"

Something very different from me.

Interesting sound I like the "mood". I think having 4 stanzas in the first verse was too long for my tastes though(maybe if you added a melodic guitar over the 2nd half?).

Quote:
Originally Posted by wagtunes View Post
It's difficult to comment on your music when you keep deleting everything you post. I don't have time to listen to this now. Will it still be here in a few days when I can make time?

FWIW, this account activity seems very similar to another member we had here who also deleted everything he posted.

Anyway, I'll try to get to this when I can. Hopefully, it will still be here.
I managed to recover the password for this account. Trying to perform under that stage name was annoying(affecting my writing). Not sure how to delete that account now that I have this one but now I can be back to having casual worms. Looks like my worm farm is back in action. Now for writing some more upbeat songs(hopefully a keeper or two)!

Old 4 days ago
  #8060
Gear Maniac
 

Every Child

I made this long ago, but here >150 moons later I’m still stuck.

Every Child

I really like the chord progression in the intro/verse. It sort of builds up and gives a lot of tension. And then... whatever I made up in between where you would normally put a chorus is just... meh...

First I’m in doubt if I should actually release the tension by decreasing the power level between the verses. Or keep it as it is now with more power. Or something else?

Second I cannot come up with a good chord progression for that part.

And finally (but I will need to deal with that my self) I miss some lyrics for that part as well.

At this point I have listened to the track so many times that I cannot here any other options than what is already there, which is... well. Silence could have been better perhaps?

Hit me with your feedback:-)
Old 3 days ago
  #8061
Gear Nut
 
The Noodlist's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninecows View Post
I made this long ago, but here >150 moons later I’m still stuck.

Every Child

Hit me with your feedback:-)
Cool, Floyd-esque. A track to contemplate to, it didn't drag or anything. I was expecting a solo towards the end.
Old 3 days ago
  #8062
Gear Maniac
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Noodlist View Post
Cool, Floyd-esque. A track to contemplate to, it didn't drag or anything. I was expecting a solo towards the end.
Thanks :-) Cannot hide that both the Floyd, Bowie and Cohen is a huge source for inspiration.

Ideas on how to attack the chorus/b-pieces are welcome. I write a lot and normally the stuff writes it self, but this time I’ve been stuck for years.
Old 3 days ago
  #8063
Gear Addict
 
jugetsu85's Avatar
Cool Back to business

Hey all, after a bit of a hiatus I am now working on new music under the Fall of Twentyseven moniker.

This new song was inspired by certain tragic events I read about on the news concerning grave mistreatment of a child. :frowning: So don’t expect happy happy joy joy …

Mix and sound wise my production vision harkens back to the glory days of earlier nu-metal. I particularly love how the first Korn record sounds.

This is still a demo and I am open to suggestions on how to improve the song from here. I plan to retrack at least all the vocals anyway when I get a chance, some harmonies would probably be cool as well…
Attached Files

When U Cry demo.mp3 (7.33 MB, 229 views)

Old 3 days ago
  #8064
Gear Head
Quote:
Originally Posted by cjogo View Post
A little Surfin' >> today's mix
I liked it, would make a good soundtrack, I was getting a bit bored but you did something at about 2:20 that woke me up, I think you went a bit suspended (4th chord) there and I loved it, but it vanished. Do more of that!
Old 3 days ago
  #8065
Gear Head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninecows View Post
I made this long ago, but here >150 moons later I’m still stuck.

Every Child

I really like the chord progression in the intro/verse. It sort of builds up and gives a lot of tension. And then... whatever I made up in between where you would normally put a chorus is just... meh...

First I’m in doubt if I should actually release the tension by decreasing the power level between the verses. Or keep it as it is now with more power. Or something else?

Second I cannot come up with a good chord progression for that part.

And finally (but I will need to deal with that my self) I miss some lyrics for that part as well.

At this point I have listened to the track so many times that I cannot here any other options than what is already there, which is... well. Silence could have been better perhaps?

Hit me with your feedback:-)
I only listened to it once. It's long and the first verse didn't mean much to me, the 2nd and 3rd did though, maybe chop out the first? I like jazz and you set a nice vibe but the instrumental, that is beautiful, seemed to drag. The chorus has a falling (maybe down a whole step) minor for the 2nd chord (If I got the gist) that seemed to let all the air out, maybe go up a full step and than another full step, maybe minor to major to resolve. That's prob. crap but I'd have to spend a lot of time to help and I'm stuck in my own song that has gone pretty flat when I listen to it.
Old 3 days ago
  #8066
Gear Head
Quote:
Originally Posted by jugetsu85 View Post
Hey all, after a bit of a hiatus I am now working on new music under the Fall of Twentyseven moniker.

This new song was inspired by certain tragic events I read about on the news concerning grave mistreatment of a child. :frowning: So don’t expect happy happy joy joy …

Mix and sound wise my production vision harkens back to the glory days of earlier nu-metal. I particularly love how the first Korn record sounds.

This is still a demo and I am open to suggestions on how to improve the song from here. I plan to retrack at least all the vocals anyway when I get a chance, some harmonies would probably be cool as well…
I'm not a metal guy.
I only listened once and I'm no nothing as my own recordings clearly demonstrates.
I was bored with the intro at 18 seconds, maybe change the riff on the guitar for the repeat. The intro is so important because you can lose the battle right there. The bass playing is really good but the guitar was too repetitive and simplistic thoughout. I take it you're a bass player? Melody was also too simplistic but there are some opportunities there to expand it, more movement of pitch. The voice was often out of tune, but maybe you wanted that, or maybe you aren't a singer? The Chrous drives the song and is the best part but it deserves a better foundation.I liked the way it wasn't distorted all the way through, though if you're being that mellow I'd like to hear the words easier.

Hey a great chorus is most of the battle here, but yours is pretty short, maybe add one more verse, or repeat it twice the 2nd time.

I know nothing for sure, other than Trump is guilty as sin, andI'm trying to help, not give pain.
Old 2 days ago
  #8067
Gear Addict
 
jugetsu85's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rolavine View Post
I'm not a metal guy.
I only listened once and I'm no nothing as my own recordings clearly demonstrates.
I was bored with the intro at 18 seconds, maybe change the riff on the guitar for the repeat. The intro is so important because you can lose the battle right there. The bass playing is really good but the guitar was too repetitive and simplistic thoughout. I take it you're a bass player? Melody was also too simplistic but there are some opportunities there to expand it, more movement of pitch. The voice was often out of tune, but maybe you wanted that, or maybe you aren't a singer? The Chrous drives the song and is the best part but it deserves a better foundation.I liked the way it wasn't distorted all the way through, though if you're being that mellow I'd like to hear the words easier.

Hey a great chorus is most of the battle here, but yours is pretty short, maybe add one more verse, or repeat it twice the 2nd time.

I know nothing for sure, other than Trump is guilty as sin, andI'm trying to help, not give pain.
Hey man thanks for the honest feedback, it is appreciated. This is my "one man band" project, so I do the singing and play the instruments. I am not great at any of those but I choose do my thing anyway :-) However I can sing in key better than what I've got here, the vocals do need to be retracked as noted - there is no particular purpose to be off key on this one. But it sometimes takes a few takes until I get the best out of me. It usually gets better when I memorize the lyrics and the melody without having to think about it.

I will take a look at possibilities to expand the melody. There really isn't much chord progression going on during the verse so that might prove to be a bit of a chore. My own favourite section of this song is the ending, I am thinking of doubling the length of the vocal part there... and then maybe something cool for an outro.
Old 2 days ago
  #8068
Gear Addict
 
stixstudios's Avatar
Fat Cats - Greedy Pigs

Be Aware - Foul Language.

Fat Cats - Greedy Pigs:

https://soundcloud.com/user-56643446...-pigs-vst-mix2

I think this song has a "feel" but not sonically correct.

eerrgghh!!
Old 2 days ago
  #8069
Gear Head
Added one man band to Christmas song

Quote:
Originally Posted by wagtunes View Post
Very nice. Would love to hear this with a full arrangement, building as it goes along.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rolavine View Post
Just me and guitar, Sort of a Christmas Song
Folky, Bluegrass




A tale told by a waitress in Dayville

A Happy Time
House smells of bakery and pine
presents around the tree
I spend my night
in fret-full sleep
like any 9 year old on Christmas Eve

My father scooped me out of bed
carried me downstairs through a roaring sound
barelegged in the snow
I watched our house burn down

Our parents held us close and said
nothing important was lost
but I heard the worry in their voice
and I knew we were tempest tossed

I followed our neighbor
to my best friends room
where I fell into a sleepover
clouded with gloom

but in the morning
there was pancakes and syrup
and the love of this poor family like my own
laughing in Sarah’s clothes
I didn’t feel so all alone

Sarah’s dad threw a couch
in the back of his old pickup truck
drove me across town to a house that was all opened up
people coming with things in their arms
and leaving with smiles on their face
I imagined they were the Magi
and that a Christmas star shown above the place

That night I lay down on clean sheets
with my new clothes scattered around
in a house that had more stuff in it
then the one that had just burnt down
I thought about neighbors love and responsibility
and I decided I would grow up to be
the kind of neighbor that put our family back on it’s feet

now it’s many years later
and I paid back my dues
given freely
and never felt used

it’s just a small town
where we love one another
them that need help all the time
we treat just like brothers
and it’s just a small world
filled with way to much sorrow
I pray we learn to be good neighbors
before we run out of tomorrows.

a happy time
house smells of bakery and pine
presents around the tree
I spend my days thankful for my neighbors
especially on Christmas eve.

P.S. I know I forgot to trim the end.
I added the one man band to my Christmas Tune.
I had so much fun doing this, it's my 4th time doing this,
I played drums (Yamaha Toys), Bass, Classical Guitar, Guitar Synth mandolin, demonic harmonica (a ch.
eap Huang but the only f# I have (though I do have ten Gb's), 3 human voices (where the rest of the bodies were I wasn't supposed to ask), Conductor, grip, and studio hack.

Any tips on any part of it please let me have it, I'm trying to get better and this has been helping.
I know the talent sucks, I live with these bozo's.
It has errors but I burred them under enough extraneous noise I can't find them anymore.

Almost no effects, tiny reverb on overall, and a digital channel strip on the two higher pitched voices. I need autotune!
https://soundcloud.com/rocky-lavine/...waitress-in-da

Last edited by Rolavine; 2 days ago at 04:43 AM.. Reason: trying to fix link
Old 2 days ago
  #8070
Gear Head
Quote:
Originally Posted by stixstudios View Post
Be Aware - Foul Language.

Fat Cats - Greedy Pigs:

https://soundcloud.com/user-56643446...-pigs-vst-mix2

I think this song has a "feel" but not sonically correct.

eerrgghh!!
I deleted my real review, and that's the kindest thing I can do for you.

keep up the good work.
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