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Drummer Jokes! (other 'musicians' encouraged as well) Virtual Instrument Plugins
Old 1st January 2003
  #1
Lives for gear
 

Drummer Jokes! (other 'musicians' encouraged as well)

In the back of your minds, you all knew there would someday be a thread on drummer jokes. Here's one to start:

How do you get a drummer off your doorstep?


























Pay for the pizza.


I need one to throw at my bassist. Taking offers. heh
Old 1st January 2003
  #2
Gear Addict
 
Curious G's Avatar
 

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a drummer's arm?

A: A tattoo.
Old 1st January 2003
  #3
Gear Addict
 
cymatics's Avatar
 

Re: Drummer Jokes! (other 'musicians' encouraged as well)

Quote:
Originally posted by Jax
I need one to throw at my bassist. Taking offers. heh
What do you throw a drowning bass player?

His 8x10 cabinet.
Old 1st January 2003
  #4
Lives for gear
 
Midlandmorgan's Avatar
 

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?








Drool
Old 1st January 2003
  #5
urumita
 
7rojo7's Avatar
 

this kills two birds with one joke

how many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



































only one, but all the other drummers say "I can do that"
Old 1st January 2003
  #6
Gear Head
 
nick's Avatar
 

Re: Drummer Jokes! (other 'musicians' encouraged as well)

Quote:
Originally posted by Jax
I need one to throw at my bassist. Taking offers. heh
what does a bass player use for contraception? .....


His personality. heh
Old 1st January 2003
  #7
Gear Head
 
nick's Avatar
 

How many lead singers does it take to change a lightbulb? ...

One. He holds the bulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.

evileye
Old 1st January 2003
  #8
Gear Head
 
nick's Avatar
 

How do you know when the drummer has arrived?

The knocking on your door speeds up.

What's the difference between a drummer and a good investment?

Eventually the investment will mature and earn money.


I'll stop now. tut
Old 2nd January 2003
  #9
SawSlut
 
OzNimbus's Avatar
 

If a drummer makes an error once, it's a "mistake"
If a drummer makes an error twice, he's a "jazz drummer"





What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?











Homeless.
Old 2nd January 2003
  #10
SawSlut
 
OzNimbus's Avatar
 

Oh, I almost forgot, one more:



What do you call the guy standing around with a bunch of musicians?



















The drummer.
Old 2nd January 2003
  #11
Gear Head
 

So my drummer locked his keys in his car, had no spare, and triple A said they were gonna be at least an hour getting there. He pondered what to do, and then finally made the decision to break a window.

This was because it was looking like rain, and if he couldn't get the top up, the bass player would have gotten wet.
Old 2nd January 2003
  #12
Gear Guru
 
Drumsound's Avatar
How can you tell if the drum riser is lever?



The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.


What do you call a musician in a suit?



The Defendant.
Old 2nd January 2003
  #13
Lives for gear
 
cajonezzz's Avatar
 

(one drummer telling the joke to another....)
"how many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

(other drummers reply)

"what kinda sticks did he use??"
Old 2nd January 2003
  #14
Lives for gear
 
cajonezzz's Avatar
 

real life story:

Stopped by the local Guitar Center to pick up some supplies....

New kid behind the counter in drums

I pick out some sticks for purchase, ask the price and he asks me : "how much do you USUALLY pay for sticks?"

My reply: "nothing" (straight face)

(with a strained look on his face): "I'll have to run that by my manager"
Old 2nd January 2003
  #15
SawSlut
 
OzNimbus's Avatar
 

Running with the the "lightbulb" theme....



How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?





One to hold the lightbulb, and four to drink until the room spins.
Old 2nd January 2003
  #16
Lives for gear
 
atticus's Avatar
What do you call a house with six bass players living in it?
















































A crack house.
Old 2nd January 2003
  #17
Re: Drummer Jokes! (other 'musicians' encouraged as well)

Quote:
Originally posted by Jax
In the back of your minds, you all knew there would someday be a thread on drummer jokes.
Haven't you got anything better to do???
from a drummer
Old 2nd January 2003
  #18
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malice's Avatar
 

How do you know a drummer is knocking at your door ????




















tempo is speeding
Old 2nd January 2003
  #19
Gear Addict
 

How do you get a guitarist to turn down?











Give him a chart.
Old 3rd January 2003
  #20
Here for the gear
 
ericswan's Avatar
 

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?




None, they have machines to do that now.



What happens when you pour beer in a drum machine?




It tries to sing.



Why does a drummer have one more brain cell than a horse?





So he doesn't **** on the street during a parade.



ericswan
Old 3rd January 2003
  #21
Gear Nut
 

This one's long...


So this business man is about to have a nervous breakdown and his company decides to send him to an island in the Carribean just to relax and find some clarity.

He gets to his luxurious hotel located on the beach of an island paradise and decides to catch a nap before heading to the beach. Just when his head hits the pillow he starts hearing drums coming in from the countryside. After about fifteen minutes he gets so pissed that he decides to go down to the front desk and inquire about this annoyance. The manager is looking out the window and he looks kinda shakey. So the guy says; Hey! What the hell's up with all these drums. I'm trying to sleep. When is this gonna stop?

[Accent of choice] When drums stop vetty bad!

So he decides not to push the matter because dude at the front desks looks a little jumpy. Goes back to the room and tries the pillow thing. Which doesn't quite get it. 15 minutes later he rings the front desk again and the voice on the other end assures him.

When drums stop VETTY VETTY bad!

Yes I understand that it's "vetty vetty bad" but so are these horrific drums... How do you expect me to get any rest with all this constant pounding? And what happens when these drums finally stop?

When drums stop vetty bad.

With that he promptly hangs up growls and decides to get to the bottom of this whole spooky drum/ head hunter/ scared natives issue and goes down to the front desk again and says.

Listen Pardna, you're freakin me out here... Now I'm gonna need you to tell me what happens when these drums stop.

When drums stop...











































Bass solo.
Old 3rd January 2003
  #22
Lives for gear
 
5down1up's Avatar
 

grggt fuuck heh
Old 6th January 2003
  #23
Lives for gear
 

Re: Re: Drummer Jokes! (other 'musicians' encouraged as well)

Quote:
Originally posted by chrisso
Haven't you got anything better to do???
from a drummer
I found this thread worthwhile. Have you got anything better to do?

I don't care that you're a drummer. I'm one too. What's your point?

Prepare to talk about nothing if you decide to reply.

fuuck
Old 6th January 2003
  #24
Bass solo!

Yuckety!

Thats an oldie but a goodie!

Well typed out!

Old 6th January 2003
  #25
Gear Maniac
 

How many producers does it take to change a lightbulb ?


I don`t know - what do you think ?



... and how many punk rockers ?


73 - one to change it and 72 asking to be on the guestlist.
Old 6th January 2003
  #26
Gear Maniac
 
dtobocman's Avatar
 

How do you get a viola player to play tremolo?















Write a whole note with "solo" above it.
Old 7th January 2003
  #27
urumita
 
7rojo7's Avatar
 

I could tell one about how a trombonist plays the "One Note Samba" but if you don't get it already, why bother?


What chord does a pno play when you drop it down a mine shaft?


A flat miner

I even like to laugh sometimes, but I'm a frequent victim of jokes because I play a few suspect instruments. I even like bass solos.

Juvenile flute jokes anyone?
Old 7th January 2003
  #28
mml
Gear Addict
 
mml's Avatar
 

What does a stripper do to her a&$hole before she goes to work?






Drops him off at band practice.
Old 15th January 2003
  #29
Gear Addict
 

What's the difference between a sound engineer and a toilet?



A toilet only has to take sh*t from one asshole at a time.
Old 15th January 2003
  #30
Gear Maniac
 
out1ear's Avatar
 

what's the difference between a drummer and a vacuum?












you have to plug one in to make it suck.grggt
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