thread: are you happy?
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Old 4th September 2002
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are you happy?

what a weird word. and something i have been asking myself lately.

Main Entry: hap·py
Pronunciation: 'ha-pE
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): hap·pi·er; -est
Etymology: Middle English, from hap
Date: 14th century
1 : favored by luck or fortune : FORTUNATE
2 : notably fitting, effective, or well adapted : FELICITOUS <a happy choice>
3 a : enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment : JOYOUS b : expressing or suggestive of happiness : PLEASANT c : GLAD, PLEASED d : having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship : FRIENDLY
4 a : characterized by a dazed irresponsible state b : impulsively or obsessively quick to use or do something c : enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession : OBSESSED


i wouldnt say im favored by luck or fortune. in fact, i would think that the universe is playing some cruel joke on my regarding luck. dangling it in front of me and then knocking me on my ass. now i am always weary of something that seems to good to be true. it almost always never works out in the end... "The path to hell is paved with least resistance, But those less traveled by shall make a world of difference"

am i well adapted? **** no. notably something, but certainly not fitting.

enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment.... hmmm, is anyone here content? that definition sounds like it was made by the machine. i can even imagine being content. i dont know if this is much of a qualification for happiness. 3b suggests the word in its own definition. who is the genius who thought that one up. then we come to fellowship. am i a good person to hang around? that is a tricky one. im not sure i have the answer to that one. i try to be.

now we get to the fun ones. [4 a : characterized by a dazed irresponsible state] im damn happy. [b : impulsively or obsessively quick to use or do something] well this would mean im real happy but this one tends to get me in trouble and make me not very happy. [c : enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession] this one is the kicker... the one that drives me through life. and i honestly dont know why. i will devour endless amount of hours learning every little detail i can about recording. an endless consumer of gear, techniques, philisophies all about recording.

was i born this way? this recording OCD is just a little frightening. just adding up the small worth in MY little studio is enough to send my kid to college, or take a vacation every 6 months until i retire. i havent had a vacation since i went to Jamaica almost 5 years ago. and my marriage is quite unstable right now. not because of the actual act of recording or being in the studio... she is quite understanding of all of that. i think she even thinks its kinda cool. BUT the sheer amount of money it takes to do a studio RIGHT is a small fortune. and with my taste in music it will be quite rare if i were to ever hit the "jackpot".

obsession. nasty little word. it could possibly ruin me. sonic obsession. my quests for capturing sounds. my life could be so much more content if i didnt have this inate drive in this pursuit of recording. i would have so much more money, i would have so much more time for my family, i would have so much more money to explore the world. music has almost become trivial these days anyway. its been a while since i was floored by anything.

so why do i do it?
i wouldnt be happy.


addiction is an ugly thing. are you happy?