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Old 4th January 2012
  #2
Gear Nut
 

Hey PHB. That's an early hit with me. I listened a couple of times in 'analysis' mode and then a third time cos I just wanted to enjoy it.

It could well be a candidate for the perfect pop song, or perhaps the perfect pop-song writer's pop song - I thought I got fleeting (and pleasant) aftertastes of Alan Parsons Project, Beatles, Dire Straits, Dylan, and even a bit of Monkees :-)

Did you consider bringing out the guitar solo you couldn't find space for and using it for an instrumental chorus at 2:47, or even using it to extend that chorus after the current final one since you probably have space before infringing the 4 minute mark.

I am in two minds about the additional key change - one is interesting, two feels like you're making a point. But if it really took you that way like you said on SC, who are you to deny it its freedom to wander? Rules are there for the breaking.

I wouldn't be sure about the lyrics either. I mean, the message of the song is actually kind of clear which is great. The slightly unsettling thing, I found once analysis mode had been running for a few minutes, was not exactly a mixed metaphor but an oscillation between two domains (tactile - 'hold on', 'slip away', 'by your side' etc; and visual - 'smoke in your eyes', clouds, sun appearing etc). It made me wonder whether I shouldn't stick to one or the other somehow, so that I wasn't holding on to love but keeping it in sight. However, the sheer power of that phrase 'HOLD on to love', with all the impact after that drum build-up that you like about the start of the chorus, is a valuable part of the song. Just a thought. Thinking about this a bit more, the mixed domains could actually seem less confusing in the literal video that could accompany it, i.e. while you are shading your eyes from blinding sun or else furiously venting away the obscuring fumes of whatever, your 'love' in the guise of your actual girl could quite clearly up and off and slip away because you took your arm off her for an instant to open the window and failed to hold on to her ;-)

Nice work and thanks for the tune - hope you continue to work on it cos you can easily hear that being played on the airwaves :-)