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Old 23rd May 2020
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Originally Posted by Mr Funk View Post
The song is now longer. Longer intro (wanted to try it). Also small break between first chorus and second verse now. I added horns, have they improved the track? Have they hurt it at all?

Still want to do something with chorus to make it more distinct. and I will try 1 or 2 bmp slower when I record vocals for real. I will also get a guitar or sax solo for the end break section, but I'm leaning towards guitar as it's less cheesy.
Hi Kane:

Okay, here's what I did. First, I copied and pasted the lyrics into a word doc so I could follow along while I was playing it. I then opened up my Pianoteq so I could figure out the chords for each part, verse and chorus.

The verse is essentially this chord progression

Bm - F#m - Em - Bm

The chorus is essentially this chord progression


You do have that little riff between the sections of the chorus that goes...

Bm - F#m - G - Em

It helps, but not enough.

Here's the problem, and essentially drcmusic hit the nail on the head.

The overall harmonic progression along with the melody and rhythm are almost identical for both verse and chorus. There is very little variation. At least not enough to be noticeable. And that's with following along with the lyrics.

Also, looking at the lyrics and not looking at the title, I can't tell if the name of the song is "See No Evil" or "End Is Nigh". In fact, if I had to guess, I'd probably think the song is called "See No Evil." The chorus lyrically doesn't have anything that really stands out and screams "this is the chorus." In fact, without the lyrics in front of me, I wouldn't be able to tell where the verse ended and where the chorus began. Also, as drcmusic pointed out, the arrangement is so busy right out of the gate that there's no where for it to go.

The groove is fantastic. This is a talent I will never have. It's a gift. But I think your lack of music theory shows and it hurts your songs as far as maintaining interest.

So here's my question and suggestion.

Have you considered teaming up with a co-writer? No, I'm not suggesting myself. I mean somebody you know well, value their opinion and someone who really knows how to construct a catchy chorus and arrange a song so that it builds from verse to chorus. And of course someone in tune with this genre.

I enjoy listening to your stuff because you sing so well and your grooves are just so cool. I actually envy that talent of yours. But after I'm done listening to one of your tracks, I can't sing any of it because it all just flows together like a bowl of tomato soup. A chunk of hot dog inside would be so welcome.

If I didn't care, I wouldn't be this straight with you. You have amazing talent and with proper song construction and arrangement, you could do some incredible stuff that equals the great bands of the era who dominated this genre. I mean that sincerely.

As always, take these comments for what they mean to you. Ignore them if you wish. That's entirely up to you.

I wish you only the best, whatever you decide.

** EDIT ** Listen to the Climax Blues Band's "Couldn't Get It Right" and notice how they go from minor in the verse to major in the chorus. Just something simple like that would make your chorus stand out more.