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Old 2nd January 2020
  #12
Here for the gear
 

Thank you for all of your responses. I removed it for now and going to post the finished product when it's done.

To summarize:

- the refrain, 'Throw it all away', seemed to be the part that people liked the most, and it's best to use it sparingly ("too much candy")
- the first half isn't very audible nor as exciting as I imagined it would be... it shall be redone and give it context through the verse
- tone down the delay and reverb on the vocal
- the arrangement and structure could be better

Sometimes I feel that song writing requires Einstein level thinking and I'm falling short, but your suggestions and kind critiques are encouraging me to finish the song.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Macky View Post
I like it. Immediate response was that it felt like a intro/false half chorus.
This may seem an odd song to reference but the Beatles Help has a short intro which isn't repeated. Same chords as chorus but condensed with different a melody.

https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab...p-chords-17269
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So with that in mind, I would try using the first 16 secs as an intro. Then experiment with longer chord intervals in the new chorus and see if a new/similar melody comes up, utilising the 'throw it all away" line.
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Failing that, the main vocal line you have now in the chorus, could be treated as backing vocals. Then try out a new main melody that works with it.
my2c
Wow! Much appreciated!!! I owe you guys a million, seriously.