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Old 2nd April 2019
Lives for gear
bambamboom's Avatar
OP, good on you for posting this and trying to get a load off of your chest. Better that than to let it smolder inside.....

A few thoughts just to explore the other side of this:

Marriage is really tricky (occasionally prickly) business, and it sounds like it's the latter of those right now. Certain situations are especially vulnerable times, especially things like moving. I'm sure she has her own side to the story too, and from her personal viewpoint she clearly has found justification for her actions against you (regardless of whether you think they have merit). She was clearly not onboard with moving, seems you had some communication breakdown here, and while not the only issue, this was certainly the tipping point. And to be fair, I'm sure for a lot of women(mine included) would go over like a turd in a punchbowl. It's easy to be judgmental about this, but it's a really big deal for many people. It's a non-starter premise with my own wife - sure I could make more money in a different market and live in a warmer climate, but it is what it is and messing with that would be at my own peril.

Her taking you back contingent on you moving (or really any list of firm conditions of such impact) sure doesn't sound like much of an offer. However, just to show the other side of the argument, you might consider that - as an alternative to entering a brutal financial situation. A "mutual living arrangement" (open to interpretation of your mutual choosing), while very, very far from ideal could make life a lot more financially stable for BOTH of you, and at least leave the door open for reconciliation, should you for some reason want that at some point in the future.

You'd be well justified if you want to end things, and at this point you have a pretty good idea of what that gets you.

I think it would be worth really pitting these options against each other and seeing what not only wins on paper for you, but ultimately in your heart. You have shown some hesitation in your posts to suggest you aren't quite sure what you really want yet, and she hasn't completely closed the door either.

Once you decide, be firm in your decision and don't look back. Regret is a terrible thing to be avoided by all necessary means.

Best of luck to you!

Last edited by bambamboom; 2nd April 2019 at 03:10 AM..