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Old 22nd June 2015
  #13
Gear Nut
 
RobbyPowell's Avatar
 

Thanks guys for all your input, I really appreciate it!

It seems like most of the comments are about the chorus, and I can understand that since it was a bit more forced when I wrote it than the verses. I do get what all of you are saying though and I'll see if I can come up with something better

I made some changes to the verses;

V1
I was twenty years old when I lost you
the father that I barely knew.
You had twenty years to ease my pain
yet here I am alone again

V3
When my first love broke my heart in two,
you should’ve been there to carry me through

But there where times when I just didn't care
as I threw my cap high up in the air.

In V3 I flipped the two first lines and rewrote it so it was clearer what I meant.


As someone mentioned about it being a country song, that was exactly what I was going for!