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Old 20th June 2015
  #8
Gear Addict
 

I like it. Even without prefacing the lyrics with your story, the feeling and story came across clearly. At least, I felt something reading it and that's worth something.

I wouldn't have been able to tell that you weren't a native english speaker if you hadn't told me. If I really held the lyrics under a microscope, my only critiques would be:

Quote:
Originally Posted by RobbyPowell View Post
You had twenty years to ease my pain
yet here I’m all alone in the rain
Nothing is wrong with the grammar, but the Pain / Rain rhyme is so "easy" that I saw it coming before the second line even started. Maybe it'll work in the song, it just makes me pause to use that rhyme because it's cliche -- especially since that's your only use of that imagery/metaphor.

Quote:
We didn’t get to have the talk, about girls and how to love
how to drive and play guitar, and have a beer just man to man,
but I figured it out my own way, and I’m a son you’d be proud of.
The chorus reads kind of wordy, but that can be fine as long as it's delivered well, musically. I really like the catch/title line. It hits home and conveys the emotion well. It reminds me a bit of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple Man," in a good way. With good musical delivery, that line is what'll give people goosebumps.

Quote:
You should’ve been there when I was in need
when I lost my heart and when I couldn’t feel
This is really the only line I didn't get. What did you mean by "I couldn't feel?" Do you mean an emotionally numb feeling (that is, feeling of apathy)? Are you alluding to a specific time/event in your life? To the listener, it just seems a little vague.

However, unlike my Rastafarian friend, I liked the guitar reference. Even if there are no hard feelings, it's natural to regret bonding experiences you didn't get to share with your father. I think it was clear what you meant by that line and I don't think there's anything wrong with wondering over "what could have been."