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Personal lives, How do you find the time?
Old 16th December 2002
no ssl yet
Personal lives, How do you find the time?

My girlfriend (well ex that I still hang out with on ocassion) is constantly bitchin about my lack of time.

With all the 14 hour plus days and 6-7 day weeks, How do you guys manage?

I have a few friends that have reached platinum status as artists and it sometimes seems that though they have succes they are seldom around to be real parents to their kids. I don't have kids yet, and though I'd be willing to neglect the girlfriend/wife before I'd neglect the kids. I'd like to spend time with both in the future.

Is this possible in this business?

Or should I go back to school and become a pharmacist or something with a good check and a set schedule??

Damn music in my blood, Always causin problemsrollz
Old 16th December 2002
Gear Head

"Personal lives"
Yeah, i heard of that
Old 16th December 2002
There is only one
alphajerk's Avatar

i just said **** it a few months back and started making a personal life consequences be damned. life is not meant to work all the time.... that just said after i did a 24 hour stint in one day. guess i have a few free days now to play.
Old 16th December 2002
New girlfriend is a trainee lawyer, full time law job + 2 evening lectures to attend a week. Lots of study time required & exams.. That keeps us on an even footing.. sort of...
Old 16th December 2002
Lives for gear
dave-G's Avatar
The only people in this business who can't find time for personal lives are the ones who don't try.
The more times you agree to work 14 hour-plus days, the more times you book work 6 or 7 days a week, the more you'll be expected to, and the more you'll find it acceptable yourself.

Of the people I know who have healthy family lives, a common thread seems to be an ability and a willingness to use the word no.... ie: "no, can't do it Sunday, but I'm available Tuesday" ... or "no... let's call it a day". Another common thread is the discipline to book time for yourself and/or family and book work around it like it were any other client-booking.

It's easy to worry that if you turn down a client's scheduling request, they'll find somebody else to work with who won't, but everyone I've met who seems to have their personal lives in priority doesn't worry too much about this, and still seems to get enough work done. Confidence.

I'm still working on it myself.
Old 16th December 2002
Lives for gear
e-cue's Avatar

A transexual lawyer? (insert Crying Game Tremolo guitar here)
Old 16th December 2002
Lives for gear
e-cue's Avatar

Oh wait, you're in London, not West Hollywood.
Old 16th December 2002
Lives for gear
Renie's Avatar

Yep, with regards to partners, it really helps to have someone equally(ish)
involved in their own 'full' life. I'm lucky to have that.
Old 17th December 2002
I musht admit that was a funny typo!

Old 17th December 2002
Shes 33. I'd rather not answer questions about her.. Gota keep a private life eh!


Old 17th December 2002
Gear Head

Robinhood was here
Old 17th December 2002
Lives for gear
3rdpath's Avatar
as crazy as it sounds, i put my personal life first and my career second.

its not like i'm curing cancer or insuring world peace...
Old 17th December 2002
I've heard having kids puts a different perspective on the issue alltogether...

I believe it...

Old 17th December 2002
Gear Head

This conversation has ended more than one relationship in my sordid past:

She: "You know, it's beginning to seem like you care about your music more than me."

Me (in Beavis / Butthead tone): "Uh, uh-huh-huh-huh... yeah."

I do enough live performance that I often have the opportunity to make a nice evening of it for my lady, but as for trying to explain why I need to be up at my DAW all night when I've been at it all day, instead of watching TV with her while giving her a footrub, I'm still a failure at that.

Composing music, or even working on someone else's mix or post stuff, is a very self-involved space for me, and I don't see how to make it any other way.
Old 17th December 2002
Lives for gear
Steve Smith's Avatar

Alpha, Well done. I did the same thing early this year, I will have my family longer than my carrer, well, as long as I work at it..

Jules, that is the understatement of the year.. it is one thing for a GI or whatever to be overseas when the kid is born, starts to walk whatever, but when you are too busy accross town autotuning someone's horse**** there is a def problem..
Old 17th December 2002
member no 666
Fletcher's Avatar
Re: Personal lives, How do you find the time?

I quit, became a pimp, and only take gigs that interest me musically, pay great big wheelbarrows full of showbiz cash, or both.

I still don't spend as much time with the kids as I'd like [and perhaps too much time with the wife as she works at M-A too]... but all in all, it's not a bad existance.

On those times when I do go back in the room, it's only for a few weeks... though I did have my hat in the ring for a tour that would have had me on the road for a couple of years... but the wheelbarrow didn't have enough showbiz cash in it to make me want to make the sacrifice [so it's going to be day gig and outside gigs like before instead of 8 weeks on, 3 weeks off].
Old 17th December 2002
Here for the gear
gabrielk's Avatar
I do the recording thing part-time, so I may not be in the same qualifying bracket as people like Jules.

In my case, she and I live apart, which makes things significantly easier. (In fact, she splits her time between Los Angeles and Europe, while I remain planted in the East Coast.) Because of the time differences, our free time often coincides (ie, her free time in the evening is usually my free time at late night). When we are actually in the same time zone, about total of about 3-4 months out of the year, she'll often drag her laptop into the 'control room' and we'll work alongside one another on our respective projects. Taking breaks to check out the other person's work and offer an outsider's perspective are also a welcome way to take a break when necessary.

People in creative fields are definitely in no place for needy or co-dependent relationships. =)
Old 18th December 2002
EveAnna Manley's Avatar

How do I find the time?

Well, I don't.
I never have everything done that I need to do. There's always more stuff to do. So I cut back on sleep to be able to score a few more working hours during the week. 60 to 80+ hours Monday through Friday are normal for me. I type a little on the weekends, but mainly Saturday is for hobbies and pals and Sunday is for sleeping in late and either doing some household chores or lounging around. That's about it for personal life. I do not go to the factory on the weekends (anymore.)

This past Sunday I bought all Christmas presents for all my family (grandma, mom, dad, uncles, aunties, cousins, brother & sisters) on eBay. No time for fighting in malls or gift wrapping. Had everything drop shipped to my brother's house in Marblehead, MA where I'll be for one of the family holiday party on Monday. Another part of the family Tuesday, another section, etc.... all in New England at least.

And I'll be taking 2 weeks off (but still typing....)

Try to recharge the batteries then. Deep-cycle mode...

Right now it is 1am and I am still at my factory. I think I will consider going home now (right after I check my email one more time... I just answered about 80 emails after dinner tonight.)

Late night is good for working because the telephone isn't ringing and no one is here to bother me. Efficient use of time.
Old 18th December 2002
There is only one
alphajerk's Avatar

that is exactly what got me in a huge bind of ending up working all night long.... usually until @ 5-6am every night. just something about the silence of the night which allows for a lot of work to get done.

now its 6am and i have been up since 5:20am since my son has been sick the past few days.... and all that kicked off working a major motion picture shoot for 24 hours straight outside in 20 degree weather, come home to a sick child. an hour sleep over the next two days, and then a few hours a night for the past few nights.
Old 18th December 2002
Lives for gear
David R.'s Avatar

It's really hard. My fiance/girlfriend have hit some rough times this last year. She has an adult job and makes a steady paycheck. Me, a part time job and a full time studio. She came home last night at 7:30 to someone playing acordian in our kitchen.

I really want to buy a house where I can have the studio seperate from the living space but in San Francisco buying anything bigger than a burrito is impossible.

Weekends are the time when most want to record, also the time when girlfriend is not working. We have set a night a week where nothing can be scheduled (unless I have a playing gig).
Old 18th December 2002
Gear interested

There was just an identidcal thread on another forum -
I feel like Im repeating myself but..

One thing Im trying to do is be more selecteive about what I do versus the ideas I leave behind.

I dont do a demo of every song concept I dream up.
I try and apply a higher threshold to anwwer "Is this really worth doing?"

I have also stopped short of trying ( emphsis on "trying") to achieve that last 10% of production value.
I dont do bare bones demos - but the extra 10% of production value can take 50% more time -if you let it.

Also- no time for TV or movies - hardly at all. So much of whats out there sucks anyway. Prefer to be noodling in the studio.
Old 21st December 2002
Lives for gear
chap's Avatar


I find it ironic that the same clients who say "You seem tired" or "You need a break" generally follow that statement with "I need more of your time".

A client of mine helped me out with this a few years back. He drew a triangle and had me write
the words time, price, quality. He explained that to stay in business, you offer clients a combination of any two. I.E.: if they pick time and quality, they have to pay the aforementioned big showbiz dollars. Networks and corporations will do this. Musicians will usually take quality and price (so we all learn patience). The only problem is kids.
They want all 3 and deserve it. So once you have a kid, your dog becomes a dog and your studio becomes a studio. Work becomes fun again and you find a way to get it all done.
The other way to get your personal life back is to raise your prices and weed out the 20% of clients who object. Refer them to a friendly place and everyone makes out.
****! I've got a session! and have to write a score for a 5 part documentary! forget everything I just said.
happy holidays,
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