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NotSoSiniSter 12th November 2014 06:43 PM

I need advice on lyrics/vocals for an EDM song I'm producing
 
I wrote these lyrics with my producer friend a few days ago, and we were quite happy with them. We recorded lyrics with a vocalist the next day, then I went back to my place, dropped them in and added some effects, but I feel like they can be better. I think the lyrics need to be reworked so she has more to work with, because right now, the melody and rhythm of the vocals are repetitive. Any criticism you guys can think of I'm all ears. Thanks!

Link to song (starts where lyrics come in)

Lyrics:
Their eyes their words
Their heart the smiles
You could feel it for miles

They sang with me
They stayed all night
…generational fight

Their style their mind
They’re one of a kind
It’s a passage of time

We are all so confined
It’s time to unwind

Donna 23rd November 2014 05:50 AM

What's the intention of the lyric? The message?

Without knowing the context of the song - e.g. is it part of larger piece? - it's difficult to know what to suggest regarding the lyrics.

Anyway, a few comments below. ;)

Donna

Lyrics:
Their eyes their words Whose eyes and words?
Their heart the smiles Would need to be 'hearts'.
You could feel it for miles What does 'it' refer to?

They sang with me Who are 'they'?
They stayed all night
…generational fight What does this line mean? A quarrel between old and new (e.g. parent and child)? What is the context?

Their styles their minds
They’re one of a kind
It’s a passage of time What is 'it'?

We are all so confined Who is 'we'?
It’s time to unwind[/QUOTE]

JahRastafariMMA 10th March 2015 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donna (Post 10579461)
What's the intention of the lyric? The message?

Without knowing the context of the song - e.g. is it part of larger piece? - it's difficult to know what to suggest regarding the lyrics.

Anyway, a few comments below. ;)

Donna

Lyrics:
Their eyes their words Whose eyes and words?
Their heart the smiles Would need to be 'hearts'.
You could feel it for miles What does 'it' refer to?

They sang with me Who are 'they'?
They stayed all night
…generational fight What does this line mean? A quarrel between old and new (e.g. parent and child)? What is the context?

Their styles their minds
They’re one of a kind
It’s a passage of time What is 'it'?

We are all so confined Who is 'we'?
It’s time to unwind

I think he took your corrections/questions and just incorporated them into the lyrics straight out! It's quite unique. Honestly, that's about how a Rock song sounds.

Their eyes their words Whose eyes and words?
Their heart the smiles Would need to be 'hearts'.
You could feel it for miles What does 'it' refer to?

They sang with me Who are 'they'?
They stayed all night
…generational fight What does this line mean? A quarrel between old and new (e.g. parent and child)? What is the context?

Their styles their minds
They’re one of a kind
It’s a passage of time What is 'it'?

We are all so confined Who is 'we'?
It’s time to unwind

gladf7 27th March 2015 03:16 PM

Change up the 1st words
 
As somebody who must have sat thru 500 Songwriter work shops in the 90s ; I'd say the 1st thing, a Nashville publisher would say is clean the up repetition of they and their as the 1st word in every verse. Then I would also point out that you could try make the last word of every 1st line rhyme on 1st three verses
The other guys were also right you need a lot more adjectives and adverbs color the scene up a bit with some back story like .....
"sis and mom been pissed" well that would be alt country.

bdenton 27th March 2015 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gladf7 (Post 10926677)
As somebody who must have sat thru 500 Songwriter work shops in the 90s ; I'd say the 1st thing, a Nashville publisher would say is clean the up repetition of they and their as the 1st word in every verse. Then I would say also
point out that you could try make the last word of every 1st line rhyme on 1st three verses
The other guys were also right you need a lot more adjectives and adverbs color the scene up a bit with some back story like .....
"sis and mom been pissed" well that would be alt country.

"sis and mom been pissed" well that would be alt country

It would also be "country specific"!

In the US, "sis and mom" would be angry...in the UK they would be drunk.

And that, too, is something that should be considered when writing lyrics...