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-   -   Acoustic Song needs some feedback. (https://www.gearslutz.com/board/lyricist-s-corner/964916-acoustic-song-needs-some-feedback.html)

aaronsmith 4th November 2014 10:41 PM

Acoustic Song needs some feedback.
 
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pinkheadedbug 6th November 2014 04:13 AM

FYI 'lest not by rules anyway' doesn't make any sense. 'lest' mean 'unless' as in 'for fear that', as in 'put out the fire lest the house burn down', not 'unless' as in 'alternatively', 'unless we don't play by rules'.

Lest - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary

That was the only thing that jumped out at me. Also the Game of Thrones thing is lost on anyone who doesn't watch it!

aaronsmith 4th January 2016 05:26 AM

Final version here. Listen to Dragons by Aaron Owen Smith #np on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/aaronowensmith/dragons


IdiotStick 4th January 2016 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aaronsmith (Post 11586880)
Final version here. Listen to Dragons by Aaron Owen Smith #np on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/aaronowensmith/dragons


Sounds very nice but I sure wish you would post the lyrics. I can't really figure out the words being sung. Music was enjoyable though!
~Bob

OlieNad 23rd June 2016 04:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aaronsmith (Post 11586880)
Final version here. Listen to Dragons by Aaron Owen Smith #np on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/aaronowensmith/dragons


nice song :) and would love to read the full lyric . kfhkh

aaronsmith 23rd June 2016 05:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OlieNad (Post 11978631)
nice song :) and would love to read the full lyric . kfhkh

Thanks :)


Quote:

Dragons
Lyrics by A Smith

You break every bone, you smash me to pieces
and I start to groan, as i’m left for dead
Seems like this life, is just like a game of thrones
But I don't want to play, at least not by rules your anyway

I won’t let you run me through
there’s more to me, more to do
I’ve made up my mind you won’t win this time
for my armour's brand new so now you can't tear me in two
I just won’t take this no more
I never started this war
But by God I’ll finish it.

You set me alight, you burned everything that i ever loved
I don’t want to fight, but i'll stand my ground to a dragon like you.
A shot from afar, when i least expected it
have you no heart, now how do you sleep every night

I won’t let you run me through
there’s more to me, more to do
I’ve made up my mind you won’t win this time
for my armour's brand new so now you can't break me in two
I just don’t want this no more
I never started this war
But by God I’ll finish it.

You won't see me crawling
You won't see me falling

elegentdrum 23rd June 2016 05:49 AM

More musical space needs to be given to the vocals, Try to cut EQ out of other tracks to make room for the vocals you have. The mix is a bit cluttery.

Next time you mix, when done, be able to identify what is loudest, 2nd, 3rd etc. The more you can tell down that chain, the better this mix will sound. This forces some difficult choices.

Also, trying to make everything high does not lend to contrast. Pick a few parts and force them to lo fi. Then the good stuff sounds even better.

I'm NOT saying that the vocals need to be the loudest thing.

hello people 8th July 2016 07:08 AM

I would ask...is this song about an old spiteful woman? Maybe like a nasty old school teacher??

aaronsmith 8th July 2016 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hello people (Post 12004716)
I would ask...is this song about an old spiteful woman? Maybe like a nasty old school teacher??

Yes it's about a woman, but not old though.

Herr Weiss 9th July 2016 06:16 PM

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Very nice Mr.Smith. kfhkh
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~HW