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Life fell apart in 2019. I'm barely hanging on
Old 26th December 2019
  #1
Lives for gear
Life fell apart in 2019. I'm barely hanging on

Man my wife left me for a much older man and our divorced was finalized last month. the holidays have ripped me apart. My kids with my first wife don’t come around much and im just falling apart. Hell Christmas ive had the flu strep and blew out a tire didn’t make it to work and my job situation is up in the air. My luck is just really going bad and im hanging on by a thread. My family don’t get it. They never been through anything like this they cant relate and just think I should be able to go on. Im thinking about pack up my truck and going and staying in Arizona with some friends to heat the winter blues im just in a bad spot. Im writing alot though.
Old 26th December 2019
  #2
Sorry to hear about your woes Boomer81. I went through some bad times around 20 years back and I did recover and every day things got a bit better until one day I thought: life's OK now; it's bearable and I can start to remember who I really am and what I want to do. Be kind to yourself.
Old 26th December 2019
  #3
Lives for gear
 
Ol' Betsey's Avatar
You feel like you're hanging on by a thread but YOU'RE HANGING ON! That's the main thing. Just keep fighting through it, buddy. Really. We've all been there in one way or another (And some of us more than once. OK maybe twice. Oh hell, I've lost count by now...) and you're doing exactly what you need to be doing.

You just keep hanging in there and keep writing and give your kids a call and tell them you're thinking about them (they might not even respond cuz, well, kids are like that sometimes but putting that energy out there is good for The Light and what's good for The Light is good for you. And good for your kids too) and watch a stupid ass movie or two or three and then get that tire fixed and apologise to your work (They'll understand. They've been there too, remember we all have...) and just keep on keepin' on.

Yep. Keep on keepin' on, brother. I feel ya.

R.
Old 26th December 2019
  #4
Lives for gear
Bury yourself in your music - some of the best stuff you'll ever write is when you're feeling down! Music is all about emotion - use it to your advantage! Good luck and don't let the b*****ds get to you!
Old 26th December 2019
  #5
I hope that things turn around for you and you can begin to enjoy life.
It might be a good idea to go to Arizona and draw a line and put the past behind you, take a rest and reflect and then redirect your self towards a better future.
Sometimes we need to make a break with the past before we can free ourselves enough to remember who we are and what gives us joy.
Perhaps getting out of your usual environment will give you the space to do this.
Be patient with your self, it takes time to turn a life around, and focus on detoxification on every level, mind, body and spirit, this will give you a fresh perspective and open up new possibilities for you.
Whatever you decide to do I wish you a much happier new year.
Old 28th December 2019
  #6
Lives for gear
 
kpatz's Avatar
Sorry man... I went through the same thing in 2018. 2019 wasn't much easier. Hoping 2020 brings some relief finally.

In the meantime, music is therapy, so enjoy that, and try and get to Arizona for at least a short trip (love it there, it's on my short list of places I'm considering escaping to myself).

Sending healing light and prayers.
Old 28th December 2019
  #7
Gear Addict
 
fabriciom's Avatar
 

No one can really know what you are goin through but you.

What I am reading is that life is through big changes at you.

You can either accept and deal or fight and suffer.

I read a book a while back that has helped me a lot through life.

I you are tired of suffering I recommend you read "The power of Now".

Good luck and I hope you find the way.

Cheers!
Old 28th December 2019
  #8
Lives for gear
Don't let the bastards get you down.

Old 28th December 2019
  #9
Gear Guru
 
henryrobinett's Avatar
I’m so very sorry. Keep hanging on. My wife left me for an older wealthier man about 25 years ago. That lasted about 4 months. Started divorce abd child custody proceedings. But at the Las minute we started talking again. First she kicked asshole to the curb. I refused to talk to her for months. Gradual. It’s been 30 years now. But I was beneath the floor for a long time. I had my 8 month old son. He kept me going.

There’s always another rainbow if you look. Much love to you.
Old 28th December 2019
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by fabriciom View Post
No one can really know what you are goin through but you.

What I am reading is that life is through big changes at you.

You can either accept and deal or fight and suffer.

I read a book a while back that has helped me a lot through life.

I you are tired of suffering I recommend you read "The power of Now".

Good luck and I hope you find the way.

Cheers!
Yes, that’s a great book. I second that recommendation.
Old 28th December 2019
  #11
Lives for gear
 
bgood's Avatar
Keep your chin up and use that as fuel for your writing
Old 30th December 2019
  #12
Hey Boomer81, please let us know how things are going. NYE usually sucks (AFAIR) so I hope you're getting some good songs down.

I really like that line from Nick Lowe's The Beast in Me: "...patently unclear; if it's New York or New year..."

Best, Arthur
Old 15th January 2020
  #13
Gear Nut
Hey I hope all is ok!
I can really also recommend The Power of Now audio tapes also - and additionally (I suffer from depression and anxiety) when you can, and you've sailed through the rougher seas; I can hands down recommend cognitive therapy. It's help me a lot get through a very tough time and I feel that the big dips get less. It's super cool because it helps you get out of bad cycles of thought.

Please hit me up for a chat about it anytime!
Old 16th January 2020
  #14
Gear Guru
 
henryrobinett's Avatar
Has anyone heard from boomer81? The last post he made was this one 2 weeks ago. There was a facebook friend who left a very suspicious goodbye cruel world post and didn't respond to any inquiries. I tracked his address and ran over, but either someone was lying that they didn't know who he was or something. We don't have this luxury on GS because who the hell knows where anybody is? He was OK and finally respnded almost two weeks later!

If anyone knows boomer 81 or if you're OK, please chime in.
Old 16th January 2020
  #15
I hope he is ok and went to Arizona like he said he might to get a break.
Christmas and NewYears can be very hard on people who are going through difficult times and alone.
Old 29th January 2020
  #16
Gear Nut
No response at all from Boomer?

I tried mailing one of the moderators to see if they had any contact info for him but I didn't hear anything back..
Old 14th February 2020
  #17
Lives for gear
Im good. Doing better lost my job hit tock bottom Ive been sober a month on Monday. Had enough money saved to cover bills and stuff. my tax return is coming in. I’ve been playing out open mics and songwriter things. Even in bars no desire to drink. I actually ripped the roof off the biggest open mic locally a couple weeks back ive been getting alot of great feedback. Getting noticed. If im not in aa or church im playing. A blind preacher who plays blues gave me the best compliment and even spured me on to just go for it. at a open mic last week said im his favorite local songwriter. He been playing 50 years. and said i hear it in you. Ive accepted that i had to go through this to get what im reaching for. This is part of a plan. I don’t know i lost my mind went crazy. But i wrote some damn solid music. The holidays just about did me in but its true what dont kill ya makes you stronger. Thanks to everyones support. I just got back on here sorry if i caused any concern. Thats to everyones support
Old 14th February 2020
  #18
So glad to hear from you and that you are in a better place.
Perhaps you needed to “lose your life to find it”?
Sounds like this is what you are meant to be doing.
Keep on your path and I am sure you will be supported.
Old 17th February 2020
  #19
Gear Nut
Hi Boomer!
Good hear you're OK man! Sounds like you had a proper music and life experience.
music is one of my best friends when things are tough..

P.
Old 27th February 2020
  #20
Boomer,
Keep going forward.
I am going through stuff since 2018 or so, bad stuff.
I almost lost it but I am kicking to stay in the game.

I hope for better days ahead for you!
Old 4th March 2020
  #21
Lives for gear
Getting sober was the best thing I ever did. End of story

Well not really lol but it’s been quite a ride
Old 21st June 2020
  #22
Lives for gear
UPADATE: Well I’m going on 6 months sober (not drinking I tried medical pot for about a week a couple months back during quarantine because my anxiety without meetings or anything went through the roof. but it just messed with my paranoia)

I was really gaining some local steam right before covid. Really knocked me down and was like wtf Else Ya got god lol. Well obviously there’s been more after that in this crazy world. I feel like I 2019 was just mentally preparing me for 2020 my world already ended. So whatever.

I was getting my first local paying gigs and was in Texas at a friends and about to play a couple weeks during spring breaks at bars he knew. Then eveYthing shut down. I laid off music for almost a month but kept it together. I even had a girlfriend for a couple of month’s but she had some pretty big health issues arise. And moved back to her hometown.

Stuffs opening up. I’m gonna start back playing out in a couple weeks. It’s been exactly a year since my ex wife left. No kids with her so no contact at all. My sons been staying a lot Which has been awesome we got a puppy last week. And I’m really grateful for that

I’ve lost 50lbs. I took a night job for the city dispatching trucks for the water dept. its very essential secure and I’m around nobody. for emergency water breaks. It don’t pay great but 2 8hr 2 12hr shifts almost like it’s almost like having 4 days off. and they told me I can play guitar write do whatever just don’t fall asleep lol. It’s also 6 blocks from two bars I play at and can play up until 11 a couple nights a week before I come in.

I even just bought my collings that I had to sell to a instrument dealer whose a good friend during the divorce back. For exactly what I sold it to him for. In a year I lost almost everything and now I’m back to where I started without the issues of drugs or alcohol and in much better mental and physical health. I have no delusions of grandeur. I’m 39 I’m not gonna get rich or famous.

But I conquered stage fright and I’m pretty damn good. And I experienced the kind of hurt that I think you have to go through. to get to that next level. I will definitely be playing my own paid gigs playing a lot of my own stuff. in coming years which will be fun and extra income. I wrote some Pretty solid **** I’m proud of.

I’ve cut off family and friends who affected me negatively. That I won’t have to waste time helping when they need it. As they say most everyone did what was best for them now it’s my turn lol. I’m still standing thanks for everyone’s support. This is a great place.
Old 21st June 2020
  #23
Gear Nut
Hey Boomer,
Great work friend - You are so brave and honest to tell this story straight - there are so many ways, I feel, to take short cuts in life but nothing is as rewarding as facing and dealing with the hard stuff life throws at you head on.

I've had similar problems with mental health and stress, I found cognitive therapy to be invaluable - I don't know if you've tried it - but it doesn't dwell on where the problems came from, but how to quickly deal with those problems using 'a set of mental tools'. It works as a great foundation for me anyway.
Also I am very lucky I have an amazing partner - and together we are much better armed to see who is negative and positive influences in our lives.

Like you I'm not about aiming to be rich or famous; although I do admire a lot of famous people who are amazing musicians, and I do want to continue making a living from it - I just take each day, learn a little more, compose a little more, sometimes it's heavily rewarding, sometimes I'm good for nothing..

(I still find stage fright to much for me when on my own and singing - I never could get past that one! Any tips appreciated..)

P.
Old 21st June 2020
  #24
I’m right there with you bro, and I really hope you find a way to push forward.

2 weeks ago, I got hit by a car on my motorcycle, leaving me with 10 broken bones and unable to walk or do almost anything by myself. Docs say I’ll recover with lots of time and PT, but I can’t work or even be a father properly.

Just hang in there... be happy you are breathing and know there is always a way forward. Good luck bro.
Old 22nd June 2020
  #25
Lives for gear
Great to see you're coming out the other side - if you can make it though the break up and WuFlu lockdown I'm sure you can make it through anything!
Old 24th June 2020
  #26
I am really glad that you came to give us an update and that you seem much more positive and was spared the worst of the current situation.
You have come through a very difficult time and you have obviously grown because of it. I think we are all going to need to become more resilient, more resourceful and more responsible to be able to meet with the changes that are coming.
Stay sober and present amigo.
Old 26th June 2020
  #27
Lives for gear
 
bgood's Avatar
These meeting rooms have saved so many folks... keep coming back!
Old 26th June 2020
  #28
Gear Head
 

keep going man, life goes one and you'll find happiness and stability again for sure. focus on the positives and find help and support from people around you
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