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Music is ruining my life
Old 8th March 2018
  #1
Music is ruining my life

I remember back in 1990. When I recorded to tape. Things were good. Beautiful. There were feelings to my words.

After 14 years of music jamming, it is all work. all pain. I feel an electric current inside my body. all stress. all work.

There are no emotions only work and pain.


I really want to stop making music, but somehow I can`t. It is like someone is torturing me.

All work.

Some months ago I felt the electric fear current inside me really strong. It was so strong the dinner plate ended up getting electrocuted in the micro/tin foil. It is what it causes for me.

It is horror. I feel this alien gas on me. electric. horror. I have to stop making music.

I have now been jamming 14 years all day with no meaning.

Need some advice or words
Old 8th March 2018
  #2
UPDATE


I just deleted all my Cubase files 100gb

I can see my whole head is hung up focused on the computer. I feel so much better.
Old 8th March 2018
  #3
Lives for gear
 
boombapdame's Avatar
@Mr. Undercover how did you get to a point where music is painful? What's your story?
Old 8th March 2018
  #4
m03
Gear Nut
 
m03's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Undercover View Post
UPDATE


I just deleted all my Cubase files 100gb

I can see my whole head is hung up focused on the computer. I feel so much better.
Didn't you already claim to have done that in a previous bizarre thread a few months ago?

Computer is dangerous
Old 20th March 2018
  #5
Gear Head
 

You sound like you need professional medical mental help. I hope you get it.
Old 3rd June 2018
  #6
I went through a weird phase like this. Just let out your madness. Try not to identify with it. Most of all, don’t project it on to people.

I haven’t seen a therapist but probably should have. Music isn’t ruining your life. It’s all the bs and conflicts coming to a head.

I’m not a doctor and this isn’t medical advice.
Old 19th June 2018
  #7
Lives for gear
 
Derp's Avatar
Focus your madness and find an outlet for it. A new way of doing music perhaps? Or start writing instead. You have a nice way with words. You should do that.
Old 8th July 2018
  #8
Lives for gear
 
mikefellh's Avatar
They say to make your hobby your career...but when you do that it becomes your job, and you need a release outlet when you're stressed.

I had photography as a hobby, but then got it as a job and it was no longer fun as a hobby. That's when I got back into music and into synths.
Old 8th July 2018
  #9
6 years working for a studio and I crossed paths with 70, 80, 100+ musicians a day... unhappiness really wasn't uncommon. For some people including the studio owner, it had long become 'just a job'. The owner specifically had found other creative outlets and other parts of life he preferred and enjoyed focusing on (like his kids for example). Work was just work. A way to fund existence. From others, there was a sense of something to prove at all costs. That included absolute misery. Then there were the happy go lucky bunch who just loved having a jam with some mates.

Perhaps the common denomination here isn't music, but isolation and poorly ordered priorities? Making music with people is so much more fun than making it alone on a computer. Why isn't fun the priority? It seems part of adulthood includes the conjuring of substantial obstacles in life, just so we can then find a solution...
Old 3 weeks ago
  #10
Gear Head
 
rezident's Avatar
 

Smile

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Undercover View Post
I remember back in 1990. When I recorded to tape. Things were good. Beautiful. There were feelings to my words.

After 14 years of music jamming, it is all work. all pain. I feel an electric current inside my body. all stress. all work.

There are no emotions only work and pain.


I really want to stop making music, but somehow I can`t. It is like someone is torturing me.

All work.

Some months ago I felt the electric fear current inside me really strong. It was so strong the dinner plate ended up getting electrocuted in the micro/tin foil. It is what it causes for me.

It is horror. I feel this alien gas on me. electric. horror. I have to stop making music.

I have now been jamming 14 years all day with no meaning.

Need some advice or words
You said that back in 1990 when you recorded to tape things were beautiful. So my advice to you is to acquire a tape machine that can make things beautiful again, and you will be happy.
Old 2 weeks ago
  #11
Lives for gear
 
BarcelonaMusic's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Undercover View Post
UPDATE


I just deleted all my Cubase files 100gb

I can see my whole head is hung up focused on the computer. I feel so much better.
At least put in on Dropbox for Christ Sake. I`m 43 and still have tapes and tapes of recordings I`ve done when I was 16 years old. And I still reference those from time to time because it`s amazing to look inside your musical mind as a kid and realize how open, pure and creative you were at that age. It`s your own unique style far far away from everything you`ve been exposed to since. Your train of thought changes as you age and you just threw it all away. I still tap those lines sometimes almost 30 years later. Save EVERYTHING.
Old 2 weeks ago
  #12
Lives for gear
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainNovember7 View Post
I went through a weird phase like this. Just let out your madness. Try not to identify with it. Most of all, don’t project it on to people.

I haven’t seen a therapist but probably should have. Music isn’t ruining your life. It’s all the bs and conflicts coming to a head.

I’m not a doctor and this isn’t medical advice.


Old 2 weeks ago
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Undercover View Post
I remember back in 1990. When I recorded to tape. Things were good. Beautiful. There were feelings to my words.

After 14 years of music jamming, it is all work. all pain. I feel an electric current inside my body. all stress. all work.

There are no emotions only work and pain.


I really want to stop making music, but somehow I can`t. It is like someone is torturing me.

All work.

Some months ago I felt the electric fear current inside me really strong. It was so strong the dinner plate ended up getting electrocuted in the micro/tin foil. It is what it causes for me.

It is horror. I feel this alien gas on me. electric. horror. I have to stop making music.

I have now been jamming 14 years all day with no meaning.

Need some advice or words
Do you take drugs?
Old 1 week ago
  #14
Lives for gear
 
Bob Ross's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by rezident View Post
You said that back in 1990 when you recorded to tape things were beautiful. So my advice to you is to acquire a time machine that can make things beautiful again, and you will be happy.
ftfy
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