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Need input on a title...
Old 30th January 2014
  #1
Need input on a title...

Hi GS Lyricists! Here are some that I've been crafting over the past week. Tell me your thoughts; criticisms; and most importantly, I need a title! The first thing that comes to mind is "Isn't Love" but I fear it too corny. What say you?



When u found me,
And showed your precious metal;
Pulled me close,
A kiss so fatal.

Then I made u bend
So I could understand
The storm, the storm, the storm;
The calm that came when we were born.
—•—•—•—•—•—•
Chorus:

Now it's raining gold;
Heart to heart, bone to stone.
And I'm insecure.

Cuz lightning doesn't strike twice,
I know.
So lemme see your face
When u tell me this isn't love.
—•—•—•—•—•—•
Verse:

U know it take strong ships
To sail these seas;
Your apocalypse.
So let me set u free -
Like salt between my fingertips.

Did I hold too tight?
And was it just not right?
I guess I'll never know;
You'll always be the rose to my thorn.
—•—•—•—•—•—•
Chorus:

Now we're bathed in gold;
Heart to heart, turned to stone.
It's a crushing blow.

Cuz lightning doesn't strike twice,
I know.
So lemme see your face
When u tell me this isn't love.
Old 30th January 2014
  #2
Gear Maniac
 

Hi, maybe for a title "This Isn't It"

Feedback:
Your imagery, especially "It's raining gold" and "Lightning doesn't strike twice" is really fantastic, however those are really the only two lines that tell me what the song is about. The verses and pre choruses need to tell a story that arrives at the chorus so that when we get to the chorus it feels like the natural next step in the narrative. Try giving us one linear story in the whole song.
Secondly, you want to make sure your lines translate to something your audience can understand. Instead of saying "I felt this" you want to make your audience just feel that so you don't have to say it explicitly. For example, let's look at Bonnie Mckee's "American Girl" Which of the following lines has more impact:
"I fell in love in a dirty and gritty place
We drank some cheap do it yourself drinks
I dreamed about being famous, and then they'd be sorry"
OR
"I fell in love in a 7-11 parking lot
Sat on the curb drinking slurpies we mixed with alcohol
We talk about all our dreams and how we would show 'em all"

Often songwriters may think that it is more relatable to be vague so that the audience can fill in with details about their own life, however, the OPPOSITE is true, if you present the audience with details and specifics about your life, they will feel the same way you felt going through that situation.

I hope this has been of some help, if I can make myself more clear please feel free to ask!
Old 31st January 2014
  #3
Love your perspective; it's given me some insight to go back and visit syntax, etc through a different lens.

When I was writing it, I envisioned the audience being the person with whom the narrator was speaking to; now I understand that the story may be a bit too vague. I will go back and revisit a bit. Maybe it will come to me.

I like the title idea - that's actually along the lines of something a trusted friend suggested. Thanks!
Old 31st January 2014
  #4
Gear Maniac
 

tbh, I'll probably forget to keep checking his thread, but I'd love for you to pm when you revise!
Old 11th August 2015
  #5
Lives for gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by Triscuit View Post
Hi GS Lyricists! Here are some that I've been crafting over the past week. Tell me your thoughts; criticisms; and most importantly, I need a title! The first thing that comes to mind is "Isn't Love" but I fear it too corny. What say you?



When u found me,
And showed your precious metal;
Pulled me close,
A kiss so fatal.

Then I made u bend
So I could understand
The storm, the storm, the storm;
The calm that came when we were born.
—•—•—•—•—•—•
Chorus:

Now it's raining gold;
Heart to heart, bone to stone.
And I'm insecure.

Cuz lightning doesn't strike twice,
I know.
So lemme see your face
When u tell me this isn't love.
—•—•—•—•—•—•
Verse:

U know it take strong ships
To sail these seas;
Your apocalypse.
So let me set u free -
Like salt between my fingertips.

Did I hold too tight?
And was it just not right?
I guess I'll never know;
You'll always be the rose to my thorn.
—•—•—•—•—•—•
Chorus:

Now we're bathed in gold;
Heart to heart, turned to stone.
It's a crushing blow.

Cuz lightning doesn't strike twice,
I know.
So lemme see your face
When u tell me this isn't love.

How about Fools Gold?
Old 13th October 2017
  #6
Lives for gear
 
FreshProduce's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockinrob View Post
How about Fools Gold?
First read: 'Your Apocalypse'

Edit: hahaha oh this thread is old as ****!!
Well.. if you still haven't named it, there ya go lol
Old 13th January 2018
  #7
Gear Guru
 
jwh1192's Avatar
"this isn't love" ... nice line !!! i would use it and repeat it at the end of your Chorus .. even in a whisper ..
Old 4th March 2018
  #8
Here for the gear
 

Nice lyrics overall. For me it is hard to come up with a title without hearing the mood or tempo of the song.
Old 20th November 2018
  #9
Gear Nut
The money line in the chorus is "It's Raining Gold." Sounds like a title to me.
Old 8th January 2019
  #10
Here for the gear
 
PowerTroll's Avatar
 

I like the lyrics. I don't like "isn't" Hard to come up with a melody that's not strong at the end. "Isn't" is hard to push. So that said, I would change it to "another word" and call it: "another word" love.
Old 8th January 2019
  #11
Gear Addict
 

Precious metal
This isnt love
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