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I Hear Her Sing - For Critique
Old 8th December 2015
  #1
Gear Maniac
 

I Hear Her Sing - For Critique

I've been wanting to write something for the season. I'm still not sure if I want the title to be, "I Hear Her Sing" or "I Hear Winter Sing". I think the latter is the better title. For now I am using the former. Let me know what you think...

I Hear Her Sing
Unpublished Work, Copyright © R. Dobbins

Verse 1:
Virgin snow has smothered emerald trees
Icy daggers hang from laden eaves
Smoke is reaching up to choke a hazy sky
From peaceful valleys deathly still
Frozen deep beneath the chill
I feel the autumn heave her final sigh

Chorus:

1 & 2: It’s a time for reflection
3: Is a time for reflection

A moment of pause
For deep introspection
Of what will and what was
As I doze by the fire
To dream of the spring
Winter blows a chilled whisper
But I hear her sing
Yes, I hear her sing

Verse 2:
Hoarfrost raises barbs from every spur
Misty vapors float through Douglas fir
One ratty crow sits lifeless on my rail
As ancient timbers creak and groan
Canyon rifts begin to moan
Like graves the winter lays her heavy veil

[To Chorus]

Bridge:
Between the light and dark
I mind the crystal flakes
The sun lies low and stark
Soon to meet his nightly fate
Time slows within my heart
Now every breath I take

[To Chorus]

Tag:
Winter blows a chilled whisper
And I hear her sing
Winter blows a chilled whisper
And I hear her sing


~Bob
Old 24th December 2015
  #2
Here for the gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by IdiotStick View Post
I've been wanting to write something for the season. I'm still not sure if I want the title to be, "I Hear Her Sing" or "I Hear Winter Sing". I think the latter is the better title. For now I am using the former. Let me know what you think...

I Hear Her Sing
Unpublished Work, Copyright © R. Dobbins

Verse 1:
Virgin snow has smothered emerald trees
Icy daggers hang from laden eaves
Smoke is reaching up to choke a hazy sky
From peaceful valleys deathly still
Frozen deep beneath the chill
I feel the autumn heave her final sigh

Chorus:

1 & 2: It’s a time for reflection
3: Is a time for reflection

A moment of pause
For deep introspection
Of what will and what was
As I doze by the fire
To dream of the spring
Winter blows a chilled whisper
But I hear her sing
Yes, I hear her sing

Verse 2:
Hoarfrost raises barbs from every spur
Misty vapors float through Douglas fir
One ratty crow sits lifeless on my rail
As ancient timbers creak and groan
Canyon rifts begin to moan
Like graves the winter lays her heavy veil

[To Chorus]

Bridge:
Between the light and dark
I mind the crystal flakes
The sun lies low and stark
Soon to meet his nightly fate
Time slows within my heart
Now every breath I take

[To Chorus]

Tag:
Winter blows a chilled whisper
And I hear her sing
Winter blows a chilled whisper
And I hear her sing


~Bob
Hi Bob,

I think you really hit the nail on the head of your classic Dio - influenced power metal. Judging from the specific imagery you're purposely using along with the sprinkling of "olde" terminology I'm assuming this is some type of fable - folk acoustic or theatrical rock song.

Like I always say, it is very difficult to judge lyrics without hearing how it supports the vocal melody. That being said, you definitely hit the mark I assume you were gunning for. Now if you were hoping to write a pop song, I'm sorry to say that the melodic math is all over the place, the imagery is too drawn out, and there's not enough concise storytelling/wordplay to "hook" a listener. Those rules don't apply to the types of music I mentioned before though, so I'd say fight on.
Old 26th December 2015
  #3
Gear Maniac
 

[QUOTE=BrooksReagan;11565629]Hi Bob,

I think you really hit the nail on the head of your classic Dio - influenced power metal. [quote]
Thanks! Not sure what I'll do with those. I don't write metal so I haven't moved forward to adding music, even though I hear melodies in my head. I don't play metal guitar.

Quote:
Judging from the specific imagery you're purposely using along with the sprinkling of "olde" terminology I'm assuming this is some type of fable - folk acoustic or theatrical rock song.
I think I'd classify this as Americana. Probably has too many chords to be folk. I have the music and melody done now.

Quote:
Like I always say, it is very difficult to judge lyrics without hearing how it supports the vocal melody. That being said, you definitely hit the mark I assume you were gunning for. Now if you were hoping to write a pop song, I'm sorry to say that the melodic math is all over the place, the imagery is too drawn out, and there's not enough concise storytelling/wordplay to "hook" a listener. Those rules don't apply to the types of music I mentioned before though, so I'd say fight on.
You're correct. I've written some pop but nothing worth posting. Thanks for checking my lyrics out! Always appreciated.
~Bob
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