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Posted before and never got a single response
Old 11th August 2015
  #1
Lives for gear
Posted before and never got a single response

Soooo, I'm reposting to see if I can get anyone to respond on the lyrics.

Part Of Her Past

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part of Her Past

He was a long long way from home
On the streets and all alone
She was young and yet to see
Just where her life was going to lead
How could either one have known
Their futures had yet to be shown
She was young and he was all alone

And on the day when they both met
She took his hand and held to it
And on the ride back home that night
The sparks were flying left and right
In that moment there together
In his heart she'd live forever
And though he wanted her to stay
It just didn't work that way

She walked out of his life and into yesterday
Out of his life and into yesterday

And though the years have come and gone, memories her still linger on
Their time together ended far to fast
She was his future but now he's her past

Now from time to time he wonders
Whatever happened to that girl
And the teardrops fill his eyes
Leaving him asking why

Why do things have to turn out this way
She walked out of his life and into yesterday
Good things just never seem to last
She was part of his future and now he's part of her past.
Old 13th August 2015
  #2
Here for the gear
 

Has this been recorded yet? Knowing these are lyrics, I'd like to be able to place them into context first. I'll post more constructive feedback later.
Old 15th August 2015
  #3
Lives for gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by loveinathens View Post
Has this been recorded yet? Knowing these are lyrics, I'd like to be able to place them into context first. I'll post more constructive feedback later.
Yes they have. I'll post the link if you're interested.
Old 18th August 2015
  #4
Here for the gear
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockinrob View Post
Yes they have. I'll post the link if you're interested.
Go ahead, man!
Old 3rd September 2015
  #5
Did the OP die?
Old 1st October 2015
  #6
Lives for gear
Sorry guys I didn't die I just have the song on another drive and I've got to get it onto my computer to post it out there I'll do it in the next couple days sorry thanks for your patience
Old 2nd October 2015
  #7
Lives for gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by johnny nowhere View Post
Did the OP die?
As promised here is a link to the song. Sorry for the delay. Didn't think anyone really cared. It's an old mix that I only had the stereo mix of and tried to redo the mix a bit so don't be harsh on the mix. Thanks for listening.
https://soundcloud.com/rob-layman/part-of-her-past
Old 2nd October 2015
  #8
Lives for gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by loveinathens View Post
Go ahead, man!
Here's the link that I already posted below.https://soundcloud.com/rob-layman/part-of-her-past
Old 8th October 2015
  #9
Hey Rob!

Looks like that link is outdated, I found what appears to be a new version of the song here: https://soundcloud.com/rob-layman/part-of-her-past1

Overall, I'd say a very well put together track, nice arrangement, maybe not super hook-heavy, but I thought that unexpected bridge thing brought a nice variation. Well sung and played. The overall vibe communicates the sense of long-ago loss pretty well, I suspect, for the genre.

But, since you're posting in the lyric forum, I'm thinking your'e looking more specifically for songwriting/lyrical feedback.

I'm feeling like there's nothing wrong with the lyric, it's coherent, outlines a general story of promising love gone away and communicates the sense of loss -- but at least part of me feels just a tiny bit cheated because we have the first part of the story as well as the end -- but what happened in between? Why did this promising love go astray? As part of a larger song-cycle (or musical? ) we might assume that part of the story was dealt with elsewhere. But as a standalone song, I feel like something is missing that might make the song a little more complete, a little more self-contained as a ballad (in the sense of a ballad being a story song), and, if done right, a more powerful song.

But it's a good, solid effort as it is.
Old 11th October 2015
  #10
Lives for gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by theblue1 View Post
Hey Rob!

Looks like that link is outdated, I found what appears to be a new version of the song here: https://soundcloud.com/rob-layman/part-of-her-past1

Overall, I'd say a very well put together track, nice arrangement, maybe not super hook-heavy, but I thought that unexpected bridge thing brought a nice variation. Well sung and played. The overall vibe communicates the sense of long-ago loss pretty well, I suspect, for the genre.

But, since you're posting in the lyric forum, I'm thinking your'e looking more specifically for songwriting/lyrical feedback.

I'm feeling like there's nothing wrong with the lyric, it's coherent, outlines a general story of promising love gone away and communicates the sense of loss -- but at least part of me feels just a tiny bit cheated because we have the first part of the story as well as the end -- but what happened in between? Why did this promising love go astray? As part of a larger song-cycle (or musical? ) we might assume that part of the story was dealt with elsewhere. But as a standalone song, I feel like something is missing that might make the song a little more complete, a little more self-contained as a ballad (in the sense of a ballad being a story song), and, if done right, a more powerful song.

But it's a good, solid effort as it is.
Thanks very much for listening and for your comments. I totally understand your POV on the story line. It does leave the middle part of the story line untold. Not sure why I left it out. I know I try to pay attention to the length of a song when I'm writing. It could have been that I was paying more attention to the length of the song and how it turned out as opposed to why it turned out like it did. People can piece that together through their own relationship experiences. Thanks again very much.
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