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We are one
Old 25th June 2015
  #1
Here for the gear
 

We are one

Hi guys, I would appreciate some grammatical comments on my lyric below also I would appreciate your feedback about my lyric over all.

This song is about peace. I am hoping to have really great music written to it, as always I do have my melody but will consider someone else melody if it is better than mine.

For those who would want to sing along or play my song with guitar or piano. lay out is:

8 beats per line.



WE ARE ONE
©2015 Irwin Abrigo
-
(1st verse)
People, oh
People, (You are beautiful people)
What would this world turn out to be
If it wasn't for you and me
-
(Chorus)
Beautiful people we are one
We are one under the sun
So we'll unite we'll live as one
Everybody say, WE ARE ONE
You are beautiful people (People!)
You are beautiful people (beautiful people!)
Standing in a crowd (You are beautiful!)
So stand up proud
-
(2nd verse)
People, oh people
Emotions feel
What ever our eyes can see
Is not a dream this world is real
-
(Chorus)
Beautiful people we are one
We are one under the sun
So we'll unite we'll live as one
Everybody say, WE ARE ONE
You are beautiful (People!)
You are beautiful (Beautiful people!)
Standing in a crowd (You are beautiful!)
So stand up proud
-
(Bridge)
for this world we're living in
We're in need of each other so much
We are all human beings
There times when you'll need someone to touch
-
what would this world turn out to be
If it wasn't for you and me
What ever our eyes can see
Is not a dream this world is real
-
(Chorus)
Old 25th June 2015
  #2
Gear Nut
 
RobbyPowell's Avatar
 

I like it, I like it alot!

It has a great positive feeling about it. However, I feel that the third line in the chorus would be better if it would say "So lets unite, lets live as one". I think it speaks better with the rest of the lyrics and the overall feeling.

But that's just me. Good job, anyway!
Old 24th December 2016
  #3
Here for the gear
 

Hi RobbyPowell, Thanks very much for the reply.

Irwin
Old 17th February 2017
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irwinabrigo View Post
Hi guys, I would appreciate some grammatical comments on my lyric below also I would appreciate your feedback about my lyric over all.

This song is about peace. I am hoping to have really great music written to it, as always I do have my melody but will consider someone else melody if it is better than mine.

For those who would want to sing along or play my song with guitar or piano. lay out is:

8 beats per line.



WE ARE ONE
©2015 Irwin Abrigo
-
(1st verse)
People, oh
People, (You are beautiful people)
What would this world turn out to be
If it wasn't for you and me
-
(Chorus)
Beautiful people we are one
We are one under the sun
So we'll unite we'll live as one
Everybody say, WE ARE ONE
You are beautiful people (People!)
You are beautiful people (beautiful people!)
Standing in a crowd (You are beautiful!)
So stand up proud
-
(2nd verse)
People, oh people
Emotions feel
What ever our eyes can see
Is not a dream this world is real
-
(Chorus)
Beautiful people we are one
We are one under the sun
So we'll unite we'll live as one
Everybody say, WE ARE ONE
You are beautiful (People!)
You are beautiful (Beautiful people!)
Standing in a crowd (You are beautiful!)
So stand up proud
-
(Bridge)
for this world we're living in
We're in need of each other so much
We are all human beings
There times when you'll need someone to touch
-
what would this world turn out to be
If it wasn't for you and me
What ever our eyes can see
Is not a dream this world is real
-
(Chorus)
Beautiful, heart-warming song that captures and encourages the pure beauty and divinity of the human race. Thank you for sharing your gifts.

Suggested Corrections:
The last line of the last bridge says: "There times when you'll need someone to touch."

My proposed correction: Say either "There are times when you'll need someone to touch" or, "There will be times when you'll need someone to touch," or, "There's times when you need someone to touch."

The reason I propose that correction is just because it's just more proper English-language wise to say that.

Thanks for creating this beautiful music!
Old 27th February 2017
  #5
Gear Guru
 
jwh1192's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irwinabrigo View Post
Hi guys, I would appreciate some grammatical comments on my lyric below also I would appreciate your feedback about my lyric over all.

This song is about peace. I am hoping to have really great music written to it, as always I do have my melody but will consider someone else melody if it is better than mine.

For those who would want to sing along or play my song with guitar or piano. lay out is:

8 beats per line.



WE ARE ONE
©2015 Irwin Abrigo
-
(1st verse)
People, oh
People, (You are beautiful people)
What would this world turn out to be
If it wasn't for you and me
-
(Chorus)
Beautiful people we are one
We are one under the sun
So we'll unite we'll live as one
Everybody say, WE ARE ONE
You are beautiful people (People!)
You are beautiful people (beautiful people!)
Standing in a crowd (You are beautiful!)
So stand up proud
-
(2nd verse)
People, oh people
Emotions feel
What ever our eyes can see
Is not a dream this world is real
-
(Chorus)
Beautiful people we are one
We are one under the sun
So we'll unite we'll live as one
Everybody say, WE ARE ONE
You are beautiful (People!)
You are beautiful (Beautiful people!)
Standing in a crowd (You are beautiful!)
So stand up proud
-
(Bridge)
for this world we're living in
We're in need of each other so much
We are all human beings
There times when you'll need someone to touch
-
what would this world turn out to be
If it wasn't for you and me
What ever our eyes can see
Is not a dream this world is real
-
(Chorus)
hi,

very nice positive message, we can use those .. not knowing your Melody my suggestion might now work ...

suggestion: 2nd verse , instead of - Is not a dream this world is real .. "Is not a Dream, ...... It is Real" - adding a little more space to add some tension .. you could use the words "This World" as a Ghostly backing vocal - vocoder thingy maybe ..

keep up the writing !!!!!

cheers john
Old 17th June 2017
  #6
Here for the gear
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by B. Elliott View Post
Beautiful, heart-warming song that captures and encourages the pure beauty and divinity of the human race. Thank you for sharing your gifts.

Suggested Corrections:
The last line of the last bridge says: "There times when you'll need someone to touch."

My proposed correction: Say either "There are times when you'll need someone to touch" or, "There will be times when you'll need someone to touch," or, "There's times when you need someone to touch."

The reason I propose that correction is just because it's just more proper English-language wise to say that.

Thanks for creating this beautiful music!
Hi B Elliot, Thanks a lot for the Suggested corrections. I made a demo of this song you can have a listen at this link:https://soundcloud.com/irwin-abrigo/we-are-one

Sorry about the long delay before this reply.

Irwin
Old 17th June 2017
  #7
Lives for gear
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