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Unquotable quotes Desktop Synthesizers
Old 23rd December 2002
One with big hooves
Jay Kahrs's Avatar
Unquotable quotes

Got this one from a guitar player last night. It was in reference to a local self proclaimed producer/engineer.

"That guy calling himself a producer is like a fat chick with one leg who only takes her clothes off in the bedroom calling herself a stripper."

The guy who was driving was laughing so hard we almost had to pull over and stop. So what good quotes have you heard?
Old 23rd December 2002
Moderator emeritus

My personal favorite, from a custom record producer to the wannabe singer: "We'll make you a record if it takes every penny you got."
Old 23rd December 2002
Gear Maniac
supaheef's Avatar

my favourite (whether it's what you are after) is "we can fix it in the mix". this has been said my too many morons to credit just one with it's creation.
Old 23rd December 2002
You play a great guitar, what make is it?

Lets check it back and keep it.

How much have you got? (Cause I'm gonna take all of it)

I dunno about great but I made those up.

Real ones...

Swedish singer (Trance Dance) - "Can you raise my ears"?

Divine (actor / singer / THING) - "Dont put any of me in the headphones, I sound terrible!"

Band members girlfriend in answer to being told to shut up in the control room while guitarist Scott Gorham from UK band Thin Lizzy is guest playing (lead, in the control room) on a smaller bands album - "It's OK he is only miming"
Old 23rd December 2002
A friend of mine spent his early musical career in a band.
On one occassion they were brainstorming trying to write a new song.
It was proving to be frustrating, not to mention the fact that the band were struggling and hadn't had any success yet.
During the day their manager stopped by. He burst into the room all of a fluster and announced he had had a great idea for a hit song on the way to the rehearsal room.
He went on....
"OK, we find a simple intro....then it goes into the first verse. Then it goes into an incredible hooky chorus. Whaddaya think?"
And that was it. Duhh!
Old 23rd December 2002
Lives for gear
Midlandmorgan's Avatar

Overheard a conversation between local sound guys/engineers discussing the techniques of someone actually making a living at it (not me...):

"Hell, he can't mix country...he can't even mix a cake."

That always stuck out for some reason...

Another favorite: "Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.."
Old 23rd December 2002
Lives for gear
Roland's Avatar
One of the best I've heard

Imagine a small 8 track basement studio, we all know them, hell most of us started our careers in them!!!

Picture the scene, young, local, talentless rock band sitting in the back of the control room discussing which label they are going to let handle their stuff, and whether they will take 10% or hold out for 12.After a particulary arduous session they make the mistake of asking the engineer what he thinks . He says, I've heard many worse bands, but off hand I can't think of them.

This unfortunately isn't one of mine, I read it in the now defunct Studio Sound magazine, but I am sure many here will remember similar types of experience.


Old 23rd December 2002
Gear Addict
Curious G's Avatar

Don't remember where I saw this one

"It's easy to make a small fortune in the recording business, just start with a large fortune"
Old 23rd December 2002
Lives for gear
Steve Smith's Avatar

This was soemone talking about the drummer from RUSH ( Niel Peart?) playing on and putting together the Buddy Rich tribute album..

" That guy couldn't swing from a rope.."

Always loved that..

My other favorite was a quote from a friend of mine in an interview after playing on stage with Clapton for the first time..

Interviewer: " Mr. ____, during the first song, Mr Clapton walked over to you and nodded to your amp, what were his words to you? ( apparently assuming that this would be a beauitful moment..)

My friend : well, we walked over, looked at me, looked at my amp, and said " TURN THAT THING DOWN!" "
Old 23rd December 2002
Gear Addict

FUN QUOTES (from Bob Clearmountain's site)

"I didn't know I liked the way you play guitar that much." ? A prominent record executive

"Try to look at the big picture... we're all in it and you're not!" ? Betty
Bennett to a stubborn Apogee engineer

"Rasinettes make me carsick" ? Lisa Loeb

"Show me a 'good loser' and I'll show you a ****in' LOSER!" ? Bruce Allen (Bryan Adams' manager)

"What does Clearmountain know about Rock & Roll anyway... nice boy from Woodstock?!" Bruce Allen, one month after Bob bought a house in Woodstock, NY

"It sounds a lot more like it does now than it did ten minutes ago." ? unknown A&R guy

"Could you put that up an octave just a little?" ? unknown producer

"I just want the vibe of the strings to be on the tape." ? unknown producer after telling the engineer to erase the string tracks he just spent the entire day recording

"So let's run an instrumental version, and then one without any vocals." Steve Lindsey

"Bruce just listened to all the songs on the greatest hits LP. He wants to speed them all up, except for 'Thunder Road', which speeds up all by itself." ? Jon Landau

"I've never liked backwards ideas. It always sounds like you've run out of forwards ideas."? Gilson Lavis, former drummer with Squeeze

"Well that's the dilemma. It's supposed to be a solo and the backing vocals aren't very good, so I'd turn up the hand claps and make it a party sort of vibe." ? Paul Westerberg in response to Bob's question "Is that a solo?"

"I make records so I can buy art." ? Jimmy Iovine to Jim Kerr after hearing lyrics to a new Simple Minds song

"And now he's flanging the VU meters" ? A&R guy trying to impress an attractive woman in the studio by showing her how much recording experience he has.

Joe Pine (60's talk show host) ?"So, with your long hair, I guess that makes you a woman." Frank Zappa's response - "So with your wooden leg, I guess that makes you a table."

"That's not a bug, that's a feature." ? Phil Cork, SSL software engineer

"Well, it's not really 'hi-fi', and not really 'lo-fi'. It's just kinda 'fi'." ?
Aimee Mann

"You don't actually have to be able to understand the lyrics, you've just got to feel like you could if you wanted to" ? Chuck Plotkin (Producer for Bruce Springsteen)

"I'm the perpetual optimist, unfortunately." ? Ed Doyle

"What do I care about lyrics... I'm a bass player!" „John Pierce

"Why the hell would I make up a name like 'Froom'?" Mitchell Froom, upon being asked if 'Froom' was his real name
Old 23rd December 2002
Gear Maniac
dtobocman's Avatar

Overheard by an engineer in the 60s ...

Tommy James is negotionating with the president of his record company (a notorious old-school crook). After three hours of pushing and pulling, they finally reach an agreement, edit the contract and while the exec is signing, he mutters "it's not like I'm gonna pay you anyway."
Old 23rd December 2002
Originally posted by Benjy King
FUN QUOTES (from Bob Clearmountain's site)
You remind me of a story Neil Dorfsman once told me.
He was mixing a commercial (for Wrigley's I think) in NYC.
The ad executive came down to hear the final mix.
After playback the exec said he didn't like the mix. "OK" said Neil pausing for elaboration like "the guitars are too loud" or "the drum sound sucks". But the ad man said "yeah, it just doesn't say gum".
Old 23rd December 2002
Lives for gear
e-cue's Avatar

"Make it sound more blue" Producer wannabe A&R

"Gimmie a Pultec across the blah blah blah" Ecue to second
Old 23rd December 2002
Lives for gear

"Play me a heiroglyph." a 'musician' my old band SPiNE once invited in for a jam session.
Old 24th December 2002
Lives for gear
cajonezzz's Avatar

wannabe producer to session guitarist: "try playing it as a demented chord"

singer to me whilst listening to playback: "do you have a bunch of **** on my voice?" me: nope, just your voice
Old 24th December 2002
Lives for gear
5down1up's Avatar

" hrhrhrhrhr " heh

play like youve never played before ,

... play GOOD
Old 24th December 2002
Gear Guru
Drumsound's Avatar
"Just put a bunch of reverb on it then the mistakes won't be as noticeable"--about half of the singers I've worked with

"That guy couldn't mix brownies!"--my old singer

After adding a very oldschool repeating delay to the last line of a chorus
"I don't like it, it sounds too high tech"
Old 24th December 2002
One with big hooves
Jay Kahrs's Avatar
Not too bad for someone that's just learning how to play. - Me to the guitar player today when he nailed the bridge after 20 or so botched punches.

Well, it's on tape. - What I said to a really sucky band when they asked me what I thought of the last take.

Hey, we're 30 minutes late which means were still 40 minutes ahead of schedule. - Bassist I used to play with to the manager of a club after getting the 5th for arriving late.

You can't polish a turd, but you dress it up like a bratwurst and hide it in the corner. - Unknown, but I know it came from
Old 24th December 2002
I heard this many times in the 80's (as a result of Sign O The Times and Kiss)....
Main stream, middle of the road artist to producer;
"can you Prince it up a little?"

Also I was subject to this one a few times.
During drum tracking, a different approach requested every single take, lots of anxious clock watching visible inside the control room, unhelpful comments like 'it sounds like ****'.
After a couple of hours of pure pressure and stress, the call would invariably go out "It doesn't feel right. Have fun with it".
Old 24th December 2002
Lives for gear
e-cue's Avatar

Originally posted by Drumsound
"That guy couldn't mix brownies!"--my old singer
I farted a 6 octave fart laughing at this one.... Consider it stolen....
Old 24th December 2002
There is only one
alphajerk's Avatar

"****in ****s" -me about every ****ty band
Old 24th December 2002
Gear Addict

You sound great! How do I sound?
Old 24th December 2002
High End Moderator
mwagener's Avatar
"I'd drag my nuts over 20 miles of broken glass, just to hear her fart through a handheld walkie-talkie" my assistant engineer after seeing Pamela Anderson on TV.
Old 24th December 2002
Lives for gear
Midlandmorgan's Avatar

now THAT's funny....grggt
Old 24th December 2002
Lives for gear
Nowak's Avatar
From a guitarist...

I prefer the LesPaul studio model, it's just more.........studioey

Gotta love that!

Merry Christmas!

Old 25th December 2002
Gear Addict

I produced a late sixties/early seventies rock legend about ten years ago. He had this idea of taking a two track mix of a song and bringing it up on two faders. He said it gave it this 'Aurasonic' sound. I said, "Yeah...because of all the phasing". He would very carefully nudge the two faders as to get it *just right*. I would say, "(name)....I can't hear it". His reply, "That's the beauty of it".

Old 26th December 2002
Lives for gear
David R.'s Avatar

My fav, a client was having a hard time recording her voilin parts. She 'squaked' on a passage and then told me, "It's O.K., the accordian will fix it."

Old 26th December 2002
Lives for gear
drew's Avatar
I don't know where I heard this one but it's great.....

full band playing in the studio......

engineer sitting in front of a PT rig......

band finishes a take.....

engineer says over the talkback.....

"that one sucked, come on in"

Old 26th December 2002
Motown legend
Bob Olhsson's Avatar

The best I remember was from producer Bob Johnston:

"Lets take it again just in case you get it right!"

A friend who once seconded for Fred told me this story:

Fred Catero: "set up a mike on that guitar"

second: "what kind of mike?"

Fred Catero: "ANY kind of mike, if he can play it'll sound great and if he can't it's going to sound like sh!t anyways!"
Old 26th December 2002
Lives for gear
toledo3's Avatar

During recording this "Indigo Girls-esque" duo, the guitar player would not stay a consistent distance from the mic. I asked her to just stay seated, but she WOULD NOT comply.. she said it would kill her vibe. So I setup a more distant mic that would not be as effected from the movement. That's when she actually started turning away from the mic... I was getting exasperated.... then she said...

"Well, can't you just fix it by turning the guitar up in the mix?"
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