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Unquotable quotes Desktop Synthesizers
Old 26th December 2002
  #31
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subspace's Avatar
Tracking a piss-poor drummer and a bass player, the bassist leans in to ask "Did I stay in time with the drums?"
Me - "Which ones?"
Old 27th December 2002
  #32
Gear Head
 

Any Pro Tools engineer after an untalented band's first take:

"That sucked. C'mon in."

Me, to my lead singer, about the drummer in my funk band who always plays like he wants to be in King Crimson or something:

"Trent Lott thinks his playing is too white."
Old 27th December 2002
  #33
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Knox's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally posted by SteveFortner
Any Pro Tools engineer after an untalented band's first take:
"That sucked. C'mon in."
LOLOLOLOLOLOLO!!!!
That's GREAT!
TERRIBLE, SAD, TRUE . . but funny as ****!
Old 27th December 2002
  #34
Gear Head
 

Producer Kramer while mixing a record back in the day off of 2" is mixing a song and turns the vocal up way high. He plays the tape it comes to a instrumental part of the song then a vocal pops up. He looks up in the air as if he is conversing with god or some voice in his head and then rolls the tape back to before where that vocal starts listens to it again, rolls the tape back again puts the track the vocal is on in record enable and erases the line. The singer sitting behind him sees this happen and says "Did you just erase that vocal?" His very qoutable reply:

"You cant have liked that line half as much as I hated it."

What do you say to that?

Producer I was working with to the singer of the band after we catch him whiping a buger on my studio wall:
"Dude you are such a scum bag your like a dead beat dad with no Kid"
Old 27th December 2002
  #35
Jax
Lives for gear
 

Quote:
Originally posted by SteveFortner
Any Pro Tools engineer after an untalented band's first take:

"That sucked. C'mon in."
That's going on the door to the control room. They need to learn that PT isn't gonna save them from being ****ty. I'm tired of having to say it diplomatically.
Old 27th December 2002
  #36
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drew's Avatar
Quote:
Originally posted by drew
I don't know where I heard this one but it's great.....


full band playing in the studio......

engineer sitting in front of a PT rig......

band finishes a take.....

engineer says over the talkback.....

"that one sucked, come on in"

drew

does anybody actually read these threads before posting??
Old 29th December 2002
  #37
Gear Head
 

Sorry, Drew. I did read all three pages of the thread. I don't know how I missed that. I guess I owe you royalties.
Old 29th December 2002
  #38
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drew's Avatar
I'm just jealous cause my version wasn't as succinct and to the point as yours. it's all good.
drew
Old 29th December 2002
  #39
Here for the gear
 
bbchessman's Avatar
 

Business partner needs a 30 second commercial recorded for product.

I'm writing the jingle and he says to me, "That sounds too professional, I don't want my investors thinking I'm spending too much money on this. Can you make it sound cheaper"
Old 29th December 2002
  #40
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Knox's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally posted by bbchessman
Business partner needs a 30 second commercial recorded for product.

I'm writing the jingle and he says to me, "That sounds too professional, I don't want my investors thinking I'm spending too much money on this. Can you make it sound cheaper"
Yea that reminds me . . . many years ago when I used to record some rap stuff . . I would have guys say "It sounds too good . . can you make it sound bad?"

Great! . . just what I want to do.
Old 30th December 2002
  #41
Gear Guru
 
Drumsound's Avatar
Quote:
Originally posted by e-cue
I farted a 6 octave fart laughing at this one.... Consider it stolen....
Use it in good health my friend!
Old 5th January 2003
  #42
Gear Nut
 
gregrw's Avatar
 

Post

"You can't polish a turd."
"You can if you use liquid nitrogen first."
This led to such statements as "OK, break out the liquid nitrogen for this band!"

"I pulled and I pulled and I pulled and I pulled and I pulled and it finally broke." [found on a tag on a broken cable]

"They [small sound company] consider '57s to be the *good* mics? Gawd, what do they consider the bad ones?"

While changing tapes on a TASCAM 238 (8-tracks, cassette) a band member asked "Can't you just flip the tape over and record on the other side?"

"We sound like this. [moves hand up and down] Can you make us sound more like this?" [moves hand back and forth]

"Can you make us sound like _____?" [insert band name]
"Sure. Just get instruments and talent like _____"

"Well, the other studio will do it for less."
"You know, that's a great deal, and if I were you, I'd go for it!"

(How's that for a first post??)
Old 6th January 2003
  #43
s2n
Gear Nut
 

When trying to answer the question: The Mic Pre vs. The Mic

"if you put an SM57 through a 1272, and then put a U87 through a 1272, what you will most likely hear is the 1272, so the differences between the two mics won't be that apparent."
Old 8th January 2003
  #44
SawSlut
 
OzNimbus's Avatar
 

"You might want to go home and learn the song before recording it." I said to a ****ty bass player on more than one occasion.


"Hey guys, he doesn't suck that bad" I let slip to a band (with the ****ty bass player present) after bieng warned that the guy did indeed suck.


"When are you guys going to get a bass player that can ****ing play?" To a band after their third project with me, with a different bassist on each project.


"It's really easy to make a ****ty record. Let's make it difficult and do a good one."

-0z-
Old 27th December 2012
  #45
I was laughing so much at this guy...

Whilst listening to a recording, I was kindly explaining to the producer that non of the musicians were paying any attention to the metronome (I mean, the drummer was almost playing 3/4 and everyone else was in some version of 4/4 that's how bad it sounded), he shouted at me -

"It doesn't matter that no-one is in time with the metronome, it's the sound that counts"

Priceless.
Old 13th January 2013
  #46
New quote:

someone - "I use Pro-Tools because it has a better sound"

me - " Well I use Cubase because the faders are smoother" haha!
Old 13th January 2013
  #47
"I know that you're a fan of Eddie Kramer's work, so I used the 'Eddie Kramer' setting on my compressor plug-in for you".
Old 14th January 2013
  #48
Gear Head
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by subspace View Post
Tracking a piss-poor drummer and a bass player, the bassist leans in to ask "Did I stay in time with the drums?"
Me - "Which ones?"
Hahaha, that one made the room laugh. Nice one man.
Old 14th January 2013
  #49
"That guy couldn't find the pocket on a pair of cargo pants."

--me, describing my own bass playing.
Old 14th January 2013
  #50
Quote:
Originally Posted by e-cue View Post
"Make it sound more blue" Producer wannabe A&R
Maybe he was synesthetic? At least I see notes as colours.

Synesthesia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Old 14th January 2013
  #51
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frans's Avatar
This guitar player in one band I was in the 90s ... I played the root notes of a verse/chorus thing and sang the vocal melody. Then I named the notes. (without any voicings) He refused to play the whole lot, saying "That cripples my creativity." After not having written a song in a few years. Or written anything at all.
Old 14th July 2016
  #52
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ns
Old 15th July 2016
  #53
Gear Addict
 
BazzBass's Avatar
from Status Quo's Double Live album

"Can we have everything louder than everything else?"


Producer to Lars "Do you always start on the upbeat?"

Lars: "What's an upbeat?"

Producer wouldn't let him record til he did 2 hours of lessons first,EVERY day lol rotfl
Old 15th July 2016
  #54
Gear Head
 
Keith6's Avatar
20 years ago in a studio with a band I once played in.
Precocious (not very good) singer: can I get some more reverb on my vocal?
Engineer: How's that?
Singer: Bit more please
Engineer: How about now?
Singer: No, still needs more.
Engineer: Tell you what, I'll put some DFA on the side chain...
Singer: Oh yeah man, that's much better, thanks.

DFA = Does F*** All.

I've since come across many desks with a DFA button. Sadly, most DAWS do not possess them.
Old 16th July 2016
  #55
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Bstapper's Avatar
 

Me: *snappy comeback*
16yo Daughter: "aww, come on dad. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better comeback than that one!"
Old 16th July 2016
  #56
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JulenJVM's Avatar
I've used this one a couple of times, serves for many situations:

"Hey, I'm not Jesus Christ, I can do magic, but not miracles"

Old 24th July 2016
  #57
During a tracking session:

Alleged Manager: It doesn't sound "radio quality"
Me: Ummm...we're tracking and haven't begun to mix
Alleged Manager: Still it's not radio quality; it needs to be radio quality
Me: What are you talking about?
Alleged Manager: Radio quality is missing from the song; I'm surprised that you can't hear it
Me: What in the f....
Engineer: Hold on; I know what you mean!
*reaches over and turns a knob clockwise*
Engineer: My mistake; I forgot to turn up the radio quality knob
Alleged Manager: That's it! It sounds perfect! Now it's radio quality! Good job!
*Alleged manager leaves the room*
Me: So I guess we aren't going to tell the manager that you turned up a headphone volume knob that has no headphones plugged into it, right?
Engineer: From now on, it's the "radio quality" knob.
*we both laugh like bastards*
Old 24th July 2016
  #58
Gear Maniac
 

I spent a bit of time in the '80s as a FOH engineer - Best heckle I heard was to one particularly poor covers band -" FFS play something you know"

Also my oppo referring to a really snotty monitor mixer - "that prat mix couldn't mix concrete"
Old 24th July 2016
  #59
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Ain't Nobody's Avatar
 

"I prayed over this track, and God told me he wants you to donate your time to help spread the good word." - Said AFTER (not free) financial agreement reached, and 12 hours of work completed.
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