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Pity the poor soundman Condenser Microphones
Old 1st July 2009
  #31
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Jimbo's Avatar
Q: What's the difference between a sound guy and a bucket of ****.

A: The bucket
Old 2nd July 2009
  #32
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Corran's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LowFreak View Post
Beginning bass player goes for lessons. At the first lesson, the teacher shows the student 1st position notes on the E string, and tells him to go home to practice for a week, then come back for the A string. Second lesson, they cover notes on the A string, and the teacher says to practice the new notes, and come back again in another week. The student replies, "sorry, I can't make it. I have a gig."
heh

Music jokes are always better when you can't replace the punchline with a variety of musical instruments.
Old 3rd July 2009
  #33
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Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 1 5 1 5 1 5 1 5
A: None, the keyboard player can just do it with his left hand.
Old 4th July 2009
  #34
Lives for gear
Q: How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None (I don't understand it! It should be working!)
Old 4th July 2009
  #35
Gear Addict
 

No producer jokes?
Old 4th July 2009
  #36
Here are some Record Producer Jokes

Q - How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?

A - Two, one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

One day the musicians for a rather large recording session were assembling at a studio. Everyone had their headphones on, the session was close to getting underway and the producer of the session came over the talkback system and said "Okay I need to have total silence!", Just then the drummer on the session played a big Barumdum Crash! To which the record producer replied, "Okay who did that?".

What is the difference between a producer and a chimpanzee?
It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.

How do you tell if a producer is actually dead?
Hold out a check (but don't be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred).
Old 26th September 2009
  #37
Gear Maniac
 
zoom's Avatar
what's the difference between a soundman and a dog?
(you can train the dog)


...there are some more hundreds of light-bulb jokes related to soundmen (esp. sound mixers on a TV/film set):

FILM- / BROADCAST TV CREW LIGHTBULB JOKES


cheers
stefan
Old 27th September 2009
  #38
Gear Addict
 
RubixGroove's Avatar
 

This thread is a WINNAH!
Old 27th September 2009
  #39
Gear Addict
 
edwonbass's Avatar
 

A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club.. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music .. shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great .. everybody loves you .. I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play ?? ...
The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner .. and the trombone player says "Sure .. we'd love to .. Is it OK if we leave our stuff here ??"
Old 27th September 2009
  #40
Gear Addict
 
edwonbass's Avatar
 

How is a fretless bass player's fingers like lightning?

They never strike the same place twice.
Old 30th September 2009
  #41
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toneguru's Avatar
someone say "producers"

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood and fit it in the navel of a fruit fly...

And you would still have room for three caraway seeds and a producers heart.
Old 1st October 2009
  #42
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Tone Laborer's Avatar
How many soundmen to change a lightblub?


one, two....one....two...

How many audio engineers?

10. One to change the blub and the other nine to sit in silence and imagine how they'd do it better.
Old 3rd October 2009
  #43
Lives for gear
why do soundmen never count to three during a mic check?

.. on three they lift.
Old 3rd October 2009
  #44
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Jim vanBergen's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by -Noodles- View Post
why do soundmen never count to three during a mic check?

.. on three they lift.
With the old days of large analog consoles, this was a lot funnier. These days two guys can lift the console quite often, while the FOH engineer drinks coffee and watches. heh
Old 3rd October 2009
  #45
Gear Head
 
velopop's Avatar
 

Know why drummers tool around with drumsticks on their dashboard?

So they can park in handicapped zones.

How many Sopranos to change a light bulb?

One- but there are 4 others trying to kick the stool out from underneath her.
Old 3rd October 2009
  #46
Lives for gear
 
Don S's Avatar
 

A drummer, fed up with thee relentless jokes about drummers, walks into a music store. He's determined to learn to play 2 more instruments in order put these myths to rest. He marches to the back counter where he says, "I'll take that that trumpet on the wall and that accordian on the floor, just put them on my VISA!". The shop keep stumbles for a second and says, "Well, you can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator stays!"
Old 3rd October 2009
  #47
Gear Head
 
velopop's Avatar
 

The hottest new band just landed themselves a showcase gig at the coolest venue in town. It's a Saturday night, the place is packed. The sound is great, the lightman is doing his job, the monitors are kickin'. There are a couple of talent scouts from Major Labels out in the audience (yeah, right!).

The lead singer is thinking to himself, "Man, tonight is where it takes off...I'm gonna be rich! I'll be on all the coolest TV shows, everyone's gonna be watchin' ME...life is good!"

Guitar player is thinking to himself, "Ooh, tonight is where it takes off...I'm gonna be rich! Fancy sports cars, Hollywood mansions filled with vintage axes, everyone's gonna be diggin' our songs...life is good!"

The drummer is thinking to himself, "damn, this is where it all starts! I'm gonna have sooo much money! I'm gonna be able to afford the BEST drugs! I'll be so high all the time, and chicks will be diggin me! Life's good!"

The bass player is thinking to himself, "G,G,G,G, C,C,C,C, D,D,D,D....
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