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Wad or Fold? Effects Pedals, Units & Accessories
View Poll Results: Wad or Fold
Wadders - Unite!
9 Votes - 34.62%
Folders - Assemble!
17 Votes - 65.38%
Voters: 26. You may not vote on this poll

Old 22nd August 2007
  #1
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Wad or Fold?

When wiping your ass, do you fold the toilet paper into a flattened form, or do you crumble the toilet paper into a more dimensional wad?
Old 22nd August 2007
  #2
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Improv's Avatar
 

Ya gotta wad for surface area considerations alone. And if you're at a location with single-ply paper, well... good luck with the folding, Mr. Stinkyfinger.
Old 22nd August 2007
  #3
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Wadding creates uncertainty. How do you know that there isnt a hole somewhere in that jumble of madness? Your finger might end up stinkier!

Folding is consistent, measurable, and provides repeatable success.
Old 22nd August 2007
  #4
Village Idiot
 
Labs's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkEcho View Post
Wadding creates uncertainty. How do you know that there isnt a hole somewhere in that jumble of madness? Your finger might end up stinkier!

Folding is consistent, measurable, and provides repeatable success.
I agree...

Gustav
Old 23rd August 2007
  #5
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Improv's Avatar
 

Well damn, now you people have me thinking about it.

I guess what I really do is the "mummy wrap" a few times around my hand, then kinda fold that partially inside out, eliminating the hole. Very hard to describe, but I'm not busting out the digicam for this one.

Regardless, I think it falls into the wad category as there are no actual folds.

My finger smells great.
Old 23rd August 2007
  #6
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Bob Ross's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkEcho View Post
Folding is consistent, measurable, and provides repeatable success.

That would all be fine if your anus were measurably consistent...and flat. I got $20 that says it's neither.
Old 23rd August 2007
  #7
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The mummy fold is a hybrid technique, though widely considered non-ecofriendly. It does provide 360degree protection if used as a poop-glove. but generally speaking, a cleaner wipe can be administered via less wasteful methods.
Old 24th August 2007
  #8
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Improv's Avatar
 

Well if you're really hellbent on saving the earth yourself, you can always use both sides.

One problem solved, another found...
Old 29th August 2007
  #9
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GearBit's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkEcho View Post
Folding is consistent, measurable, and provides repeatable success.
ROFL
I went into this thread thinking....engineers....definately folders.
Old 29th August 2007
  #10
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O.F.F.'s Avatar
 

Wadding is just wrong: uses too much tissue and it never cleans as well as folding.
Actually I did not expect anyone over 8 or 10 years of age to wad.
Appears I was wrong...
Old 29th August 2007
  #11
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Improv's Avatar
 

Wow, that's the first time I've ever been flamed for the way I wipe my ass. Noteworthy.
Old 29th August 2007
  #12
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O.F.F.'s Avatar
 

Sorry but I just had to! Was the first time ever I had the chance to flame someone over the way they wipe their a**. An opportunity I simply couldn't let go begging.

In the end the only thing that matters is that one wipes his/her a**. And here thend certainly justifies the means. Its a matter of taste I guess.
Old 29th August 2007
  #13
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Improv's Avatar
 

As they say, opinions about how to wipe assholes are like the assholes about which the wiping of is in consideration. err... everyone's got one!

I'm wondering if I'll ever outgrow bathroom humor.
Old 29th August 2007
  #14
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I don't think anyone can outgrow poop jokes.

anyways, O.F.F. is absolutely correct, the fact that a wipe has occured post-poop is very important. If anything, the Folders and Wadders should unite against the Wipeless, Wipe-free, and Skidmarkers of the world. And while we are at it, how about them non-hand-washers!? tutt That is when minding your own business and doing your business become everyone elses business.
Old 30th August 2007
  #15
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Outgrowing bathroom humour?
That is just impossible and against human nature!

As my mother taught me: Beware of people who don't think farts are funny and people who do up the top button of their shirt while not wearing a tie.
Advice that has served me well throughout my life.
Old 30th August 2007
  #16
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Improv's Avatar
 

Well, I went through my most trying formative years with a bad flareup of ulcerative colitis. My school didn't even have doors on the stalls in the bathroom (lest kids would do drugs in there instead of pooping), but I had a special pass from the nurse to excuse myself at any time, which I did upwards of 12 times a day (this is just while I was at school, mind you). Let's not even discuss "accidents".... no one should ever have an "accident" in high school. Truly miserable...

So... yeah... keeping a healthy sense of humor about it all was more of a survival technique than immaturity.

Now, I'm pretty much in remission, and it's strictly an immaturity thing. So what's up next for discussion?
Old 30th August 2007
  #17
Gear Guru
 
Sounds Great's Avatar
 

Folding, for sure. How does wadding even work?

Now, onto over/under on the toilet paper holder. Why in the world would anyone ever put it under? dfegad
Old 30th August 2007
  #18
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O.F.F.'s Avatar
 

For a fair number of years I was on medication whose main side effect was diarrhoea.
Think I got a rough idea of what you went through, although at school thats just adding insult to injury!
Old 30th August 2007
  #19
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Improv's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sounds Great View Post
Now, onto over/under on the toilet paper holder. Why in the world would anyone ever put it under? dfegad
My wife and I get on each other about this. I'm an over guy, she's an under girl (let's keep it out of the gutter... or.... at least let's stay in this thread's gutter). I can almost see her point, however, as it is easier to tear off one-handed when it's rolled under, unless it's mounted in some industrial thing with a lip to help one-handed tearing.

We don't have one of those, so I guess she's right .... this time ...

Can we get some other responders to this thread? My reply density is starting to concern me.
Old 30th August 2007
  #20
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Sounds Great's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Improv View Post
My wife and I get on each other about this. I'm an over guy, she's an under girl (let's keep it out of the gutter... or.... at least let's stay in this thread's gutter). I can almost see her point, however, as it is easier to tear off one-handed when it's rolled under, unless it's mounted in some industrial thing with a lip to help one-handed tearing.

We don't have one of those, so I guess she's right .... this time ...

Can we get some other responders to this thread? My reply density is starting to concern me.
Easier to find the end when it is over. Why would it be easier for the one handed tear when under?

(b.t.w. I feel like we are in a Seinfeld episode with these sort of discussions. )
Old 30th August 2007
  #21
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we've still got a 50/50 going, very surprising...

I prefer the over paper, due to the ease of finding it, also, say you are in a bathroom stall, someone who wads gets their hand all poopy like, and manages to smear the poo all over the wall that the toilet paper dispenser is attached to, possibly even the mechanism itself. with the toilet paper handily extended forwards toward you, there is much less risk of hitting your hand on the poop-ridden wall behind it, and there is less "searching" for the toiletpaper sheet to get you all caught up and confused.

It's obvious, I think.
Old 30th August 2007
  #22
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Binturong's Avatar
 

folding for the win!!!! Crumpling leaves to much room for error if you catch my drift.
Old 31st August 2007
  #23
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Sounds Great's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkEcho View Post

I prefer the over paper, due to the ease of finding it, also, say you are in a bathroom stall, someone who wads gets their hand all poopy like, and manages to smear the poo all over the wall that the toilet paper dispenser is attached to, possibly even the mechanism itself. with the toilet paper handily extended forwards toward you, there is much less risk of hitting your hand on the poop-ridden wall behind it, and there is less "searching" for the toiletpaper sheet to get you all caught up and confused.

It's obvious, I think.

Hahahaha! heh
Old 25th September 2007
  #24
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robot gigante's Avatar
"Who uses paper on his filthy bum
Will always find his ballocks lined with scum"


-Rabelais, early 1530's, proving that while clean jokes come and go, potty humor is indeed timeless.

A bidet is the answer, folks!
Old 25th September 2007
  #25
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robot gigante's Avatar
You know, I always thought that people should get more aquainted with the classics.

Gutenberg has a different translation than the book I have, but for your cultural edification, I present to you the entire section from Rabelais:

Quote:
About the end of the fifth year, Grangousier returning from the conquest of the Canarians, went by the way to see his son Gargantua. There was he filled with joy, as such a father might be at the sight of such a child of his: and whilst he kissed and embraced him, he asked many childish questions of him about divers matters, and drank very freely with him and with his governesses, of whom in great earnest he asked, amongst other things, whether they had been careful to keep him clean and sweet. To this Gargantua answered, that he had taken such a course for that himself, that in all the country there was not to be found a cleanlier boy than he. How is that? said Grangousier. I have, answered Gargantua, by a long and curious experience, found out a means to wipe my bum, the most lordly, the most excellent, and the most convenient that ever was seen. What is that? said Grangousier, how is it? I will tell you by-and-by, said Gargantua. Once I did wipe me with a gentle-woman's velvet mask, and found it to be good; for the softness of the silk was very voluptuous and pleasant to my fundament. Another time with one of their hoods, and in like manner that was comfortable. At another time with a lady's neckerchief, and after that I wiped me with some ear-pieces of hers made of crimson satin, but there was such a number of golden spangles in them (turdy round things, a pox take them) that they fetched away all the skin of my tail with a vengeance. Now I wish St. Antony's fire burn the bum-gut of the goldsmith that made them, and of her that wore them! This hurt I cured by wiping myself with a page's cap, garnished with a feather after the Switzers' fashion.

Afterwards, in dunging behind a bush, I found a March-cat, and with it I wiped my breech, but her claws were so sharp that they scratched and exulcerated all my perinee. Of this I recovered the next morning thereafter, by wiping myself with my mother's gloves, of a most excellent perfume and scent of the Arabian Benin. After that I wiped me with sage, with fennel, with anet, with marjoram, with roses, with gourd-leaves, with beets, with colewort, with leaves of the vine-tree, with mallows, wool-blade, which is a tail-scarlet, with lettuce, and with spinach leaves. All this did very great good to my leg. Then with mercury, with parsley, with nettles, with comfrey, but that gave me the bloody flux of Lombardy, which I healed by wiping me with my braguette. Then I wiped my tail in the sheets, in the coverlet, in the curtains, with a cushion, with arras hangings, with a green carpet, with a table-cloth, with a napkin, with a handkerchief, with a combing-cloth; in all which I found more pleasure than do the mangy dogs when you rub them. Yea, but, said Grangousier, which torchecul did you find to be the best? I was coming to it, said Gargantua, and by-and-by shall you hear the tu autem, and know the whole mystery and knot of the matter. I wiped myself with hay, with straw, with thatch-rushes, with flax, with wool, with paper, but,

Who his foul tail with paper wipes,
Shall at his ballocks leave some chips.

What, said Grangousier, my little rogue, hast thou been at the pot, that thou dost rhyme already? Yes, yes, my lord the king, answered Gargantua, I can rhyme gallantly, and rhyme till I become hoarse with rheum. Hark, what our privy says to the skiters:

****tard,
Squirtard,
Crackard,
Turdous,
Thy bung
Hath flung
Some dung
On us:
Filthard,
Cackard,
Stinkard,
St. Antony's fire seize on thy toane (bone?),
If thy
Dirty
Dounby
Thou do not wipe, ere thou be gone.
Will you have any more of it? Yes, yes, answered Grangousier. Then, said Gargantua,

A Roundelay.

In ****ting yes'day I did know
The sess I to my arse did owe:
The smell was such came from that slunk,
That I was with it all bestunk:
O had but then some brave Signor
Brought her to me I waited for,
In ****ting!
I would have cleft her watergap,
And join'd it close to my flipflap,
Whilst she had with her fingers guarded
My foul nockandrow, all bemerded
In ****ting.
Now say that I can do nothing! By the Merdi, they are not of my making, but I heard them of this good old grandam, that you see here, and ever since have retained them in the budget of my memory.

Let us return to our purpose, said Grangousier. What, said Gargantua, to skite? No, said Grangousier, but to wipe our tail. But, said Gargantua, will not you be content to pay a puncheon of Breton wine, if I do not blank and gravel you in this matter, and put you to a non-plus? Yes, truly, said Grangousier.

There is no need of wiping one's tail, said Gargantua, but when it is foul; foul it cannot be, unless one have been a-skiting; skite then we must before we wipe our tails. O my pretty little waggish boy, said Grangousier, what an excellent wit thou hast? I will make thee very shortly proceed doctor in the jovial quirks of gay learning, and that, by G—, for thou hast more wit than age. Now, I prithee, go on in this torcheculative, or wipe-bummatory discourse, and by my beard I swear, for one puncheon, thou shalt have threescore pipes, I mean of the good Breton wine, not that which grows in Britain, but in the good country of Verron. Afterwards I wiped my bum, said Gargantua, with a kerchief, with a pillow, with a pantoufle, with a pouch, with a pannier, but that was a wicked and unpleasant torchecul; then with a hat. Of hats, note that some are shorn, and others shaggy, some velveted, others covered with taffeties, and others with satin. The best of all these is the shaggy hat, for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter.

Afterwards I wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf's skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney's bag, with a montero, with a coif, with a falconer's lure. But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains. And think not that the felicity of the heroes and demigods in the Elysian fields consisteth either in their asphodel, ambrosia, or nectar, as our old women here used to say; but in this, according to my judgment, that they wipe their tails with the neck of a goose, holding her head betwixt their legs, and such is the opinion of Master John of Scotland, alias Scotus.
Old 26th September 2007
  #26
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O.F.F.'s Avatar
 

Thanks for that, Robot!
I shall start keeping geese since they also make excellent alarms as roman history tells us! Failing that I'll try and get hold of attorneys bags so if you see me hanging around courthouses or lawyers offices chances are I just need a dump.
Old 29th September 2007
  #27
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lowfreq33's Avatar
 

Folding works fine with the heavier 2 ply variety, e.g. Charmin Ultra, but if you're cheaping out and going with Nice N' Soft or one of the store brands a wad is necessitated to compensate for the lower density per square inch.

I used to buy the cheap stuff back when I was recording local bands in my bedroom, but now that I'm in the high end world I think my toilet paper should be too.

I think it's great there's a t.p. with "ultra" in the name. Also love the commercials with the bears.
Old 12th October 2007
  #28
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Glad to see the folders are pulling ahead today.
Old 14th October 2007
  #29
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sam sanford's Avatar
 

next poll should be.

top to bottom or bottom to top? which direction.
Old 16th October 2007
  #30
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christmasjones's Avatar
 

the ratio of folders to wadders is insane. i thought wadding was the norm... clearly i've been living in a false reality!
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