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Are you surprised at how few people possess a sense of humor?
Old 14th August 2019
  #61
Lives for gear
 

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Rabbi and a Priest lead a white horse into a bar.

The barman looks up and says “What is this? Some kind of joke?”

Last edited by adrianww; 14th August 2019 at 03:52 PM..
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Old 14th August 2019
  #62
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IncarnateX's Avatar
 

"Dad" Sonny says at the dinner table. "At School, someone said I looked just like you". "Okay..." his father says "...and what did you say?"

"Nothing, he was much bigger than me".
Old 14th August 2019
  #63
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IncarnateX's Avatar
 

From my youth. Any political relevance should be outdated.

Gorbatjov and Helmut Kohl are visiting USA and have had a formal meeting with Ronald Reagan. They have had a dinner at Reagan’s family farm, and now he has taken them to his swimming pool to try his 10 meter tower. As they enter the stairs, Gorbatjov notices that the pool is empty. “Heh”, Reagan smiles, “just wait and see”. They reach the top, and without further notice, Reagan throws off his rope, runs to the springboard, jumps on it twice and makes an elegant somersault on his way down into the empty pool. Gorbatjov and Helmut are horrified until halfway down where Reagan suddenly yells “"Scotch”, and in less than a second, the pool is filled with the finest whiskey. Splash.

What a relief. Soon Reagan is with them again while the pool is emptied just as fast as it was filled. “Wow, Gorbatjovs says”, “What did just happen?”. “Well, this is American technology at highest level”, Reagan explains. “Our scientists have found ways to generate substances at the speed of light by virtue of fusion technology, and my pool is a prototype. You need only a command to activate it. But enough chat already, try it”. Gorbatjov smiles , jumps the springboard twice and makes an elegant backward somersault on his way down into the deep. “Smirnoff”, he yells, and splash. He eventually returns, a little wasted, but very amused.

“Helmut, old friend, now we are just waiting for you”, Reagan says. However, Helmut is a sportsman, and he decides that his jump shall be the best, including both a forward and a backward somersault. He runs to the springboard to jump it thrice to get the right off set. He jumps once, twice, but the third time he slips and falls into the deep:

“AH, SCHEISSE!”
Old 16th August 2019
  #64
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syntonica's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by creegstor View Post
Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo momma so fat, when she hauls ass, she makes two trips!

The joy of Airplane! humor and how they could get away with so much was because everybody got skewered and none of it was ever mean or hateful.
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