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stupidest things you have ever heard during a session.
Old 4 weeks ago
  #6271
Gear Maniac
 
FreshProduce's Avatar
Not so much what someone said as much as what they did. I used to be friends with a junky pillhead singer/ (very shoddy) guitarist who would come to the studio I set up in my parents garage while I still lived there. In one corner, I had an esteban acoustic guitar which was the first guitar I owned. It had a small (yet prominent hole in the back of it from the strap breaking while on my back walking home from a friends house. It had a crack in the side. 3 of the 6 strings were 6th strings, tightened/loosened enough to "make it work" until I could pick up more strings. This thing literally couldnt "stay in tune" for more than 4 moderately hard strums.
This particular 'friend' would constantly reach for this sad excuse for a guitar while I was trying to set up the session. Every single time. He would play it loud as **** and knock it out of tune almost immediately.

I'd always try to discourage him from grabbing it in the first place and be like "yo bro.. that things gonna sound awful.. It doesn't even hold tune" and.. he'd be like "nah it's whatever bro I just wanna play it!" Then proceed to sound terrible the entire time I setup the session. Every time.
Old 4 weeks ago
  #6272
Here for the gear
 

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Bass Player- Can you turn on the air conditioning it's really hot in here and I need more bass in my headphones.
Me- Shure, I think the AC is on...(I look up to see smoke coming off of his headphones)
Old 4 weeks ago
  #6273
Dot
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Dot's Avatar
When I was working at Evergreen Recording in NYC in the late 80s, there was a freelance producer would had an interesting itemized charge he added to his client's session bills.

SMPTE: $100
Old 4 weeks ago
  #6274
Lives for gear
 
norfolk martin's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dot View Post
When I was working at Evergreen Recording in NYC in the late 80s, there was a freelance producer would had an interesting itemized charge he added to his client's session bills.

SMPTE: $100
Wow. Did he itemize a Dolby charge too?
Old 4 weeks ago
  #6275
Gear Guru
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dot View Post
When I was working at Evergreen Recording in NYC in the late 80s, there was a freelance producer would had an interesting itemized charge he added to his client's session bills.

SMPTE: $100
Well, it takes an hour to stripe an hour's worth of tape with time code. We always tried to do it while we were busy elsewhere setting up mics and such. And some places had a second deck available for striping (and play-winding).
But if someone came in an hour early to do that work, and the studio's rate was $100/hr, it would be almost legit...
Old 4 weeks ago
  #6276
Editors used to be able to charge creative fees. That was always the first to go!
Old 4 weeks ago
  #6277
Lives for gear
 
monkeyxx's Avatar
I was just recording at Omega Studios in MD. We were getting to the end of overdubs and I say, "Wait, I have a sound in my head." So my buddy brings me back to the percussion rack and we fetch some sandblocks. Everyone is tired and wants to go home since we've been tracking all day. They're just squirming in their seats. I do my little sandblock performance and he thinks it's out of time. A young engineer on the talkback mic says, "I dig that improvisation." I kind of wink at him. The producer is totally confused and can't hear anything I'm saying across the glass. All the other kids are just staring at us.

Next thing I know the tape is already rolling again so I just play it straight and simple to make everyone happy. It was just a really silly moment and I think the students had a good chuckle about it later after we wrapped up.
Old 4 weeks ago
  #6278
Lives for gear
 
octatonic's Avatar
A collective stupid: every band member asking for their own instrument to be louder mix.
Solution: monitor controller turned up a bit.
Old 2 weeks ago
  #6279
Is there a "creepiest moment" thread?
Old 2 weeks ago
  #6280
Lives for gear
 

"So we're a going to be famous?"
Old 2 weeks ago
  #6281
Quote:
Originally Posted by Noisewagon View Post
"So we're a going to be famous?"
Not quite but I may try it. It's an unknown person (thankfully).
Old 2 weeks ago
  #6282
Lives for gear
 
myles's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeInOttawa View Post
Is there a "creepiest moment" thread?
Not that I know of, but we have a very broad definition of "funny", so go right ahead...
Old 1 week ago
  #6283
Gear Maniac
 
theAdmiral's Avatar
 

Well known artist is writing lyrics. He asks me and the assistant,"what's the word for a deer's foot?" We reply, "hoof". He's like, " nah man. It's not hoof". "Pretty sure it's hoof, man". "Nah, it's not hoof, it's uh, it's a paw"
Old 6 days ago
  #6284
Artist: It sounded so much better in the booth... are you sure that’s my take?

Me: Yes. That is you.

Artist: It’s probably was because of the headphones in the booth. You should mix through those instead. Your speakers don’t go well with my voice.

Me: FML.
Old 4 days ago
  #6285
Lives for gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by Midlandmorgan View Post
My favorite:

A 'singer' asked me once if she had to pay for the time it took to track several takes of the same passage because she was flatter than three day old beer...flat beyond autotune's ability to fix...

Another: (actual conversation!)

Me: "What's the matter, singer?"
Vox: "I can't hear any playback or my voice"
Me: "Put the headphones on"
Vox: "Yeah...that's better"


Did we record the same singer?

Once back in the day, I was the engineer at this......um....slightly chaotic studio. One day the owner tells me the afternoon session is this girl with some garage band tracks, she wants to do some quick vocal tracks, just 2 hours.

I say "Does she understand that vocals take time depending on how good she is?" and if she's expecting fully produced vocals in 2h it ain't gonna happen unless shes amazing?"

"Yes, yes" the owner says, "shes terrible but she understands"

The owner had a habit of overpromising, then hoping I'd over deliver, I did a few times but at this point, I only worked for him if I was paid in advance, and when the clock ran out, I was done till someone fed my meter.

I can't tell you how many "quick" sessions I did where clients showed up expecting to start their new record which I was going to devote 24/7 to because "I" was so "excited" about it...needless to say the owner was never to be found.

On 4 separate occasions, someone burst in with a gun looking for him FOUR (the gunman knew me so I didn't feel threatened)

...Ugh, I'm not even finishing this story, I've blocked this stuff out....I could write a book about that studio, it was a gong show for the ages,

Oh god, I was really repressing those memories
Old 4 days ago
  #6286
Lives for gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by fooman View Post
This has happened to me more than once. Lost the client cause the artist things Pro Tools is a must.
Well if you don't have Protools, (as in the noun...)

Then the clients can't talk about how much or how little Protooling (the verb) they did or did not do

Also, if another band asks and they say they didn't protool (verb) the record, then they will be mocked by those who DID protool (verb)

I have not done any producing or engineering for outside clients in a few years (Praise God...never again) so I'm out of the loop but is the answer to everything sounding better still "Can we do some doubles of that, we want the guitars to sound huge"? Never mind how horribly performed the track was, the more you "double" it the better it sounds......ya, that one was big for a while

Oh, and are "808's bro" still mandatory? Even after you realize they have no Idea what an 808 is, but they know it's the difference between a good recording and a bad one.

I can't tell you have many pre-production meetings were spent with my explaining "If I take a s**t on the floor right here, and then I say "Let's double it" and you take a s**t on top of my s**t, what do we now have? That's right an even bigger pile of s**t" And "I will promise to have 808 all over your record if one of you can tell me what an 808 is without looking at your phone"

Oh, and the countless singers who honestly think autotune will invent their voice for them, it doesn't matter, they can fart into the mic, but armed with autotune they expect me to turn that into a hit
Old 4 days ago
  #6287
I once had a WTF moment when the engineer mixed in the sound of someone eating a pickle into the crescendo at the end of the mix..... It was pretty funny after the fact, but a tad stressful at the time...

We also stupidly sent a music partner a "gag" mix which was pretty embarrassing.....Thank God they listened to it before sending out as a demo.....New slogan: Windiest music in town!
Old 4 days ago
  #6288
Gear Maniac
 
FreshProduce's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by terrible.dee View Post
Did we record the same singer?

Once back in the day, I was the engineer at this......um....slightly chaotic studio. One day the owner tells me the afternoon session is this girl with some garage band tracks, she wants to do some quick vocal tracks, just 2 hours.

I say "Does she understand that vocals take time depending on how good she is?" and if she's expecting fully produced vocals in 2h it ain't gonna happen unless shes amazing?"

"Yes, yes" the owner says, "shes terrible but she understands"

The owner had a habit of overpromising, then hoping I'd over deliver, I did a few times but at this point, I only worked for him if I was paid in advance, and when the clock ran out, I was done till someone fed my meter.

I can't tell you how many "quick" sessions I did where clients showed up expecting to start their new record which I was going to devote 24/7 to because "I" was so "excited" about it...needless to say the owner was never to be found.

On 4 separate occasions, someone burst in with a gun looking for him FOUR (the gunman knew me so I didn't feel threatened)

...Ugh, I'm not even finishing this story, I've blocked this stuff out....I could write a book about that studio, it was a gong show for the ages,

Oh god, I was really repressing those memories
Please go on.
Old 4 days ago
  #6289
OK. My creepy story with some stupidity thrown in.

While on vacation I answered an ad on Kijiji for an "audio editor" for a 30-minute film. I asked for the audio file but the guy, who is about 70, didn't have it, so he met me at a mall with a DVD of the movie, which was good in the end.

I rip the audio off the movie- there's a many different voiceovers by different people, some are not well-recorded and are clipping. There's also background music. I put a UAD compressor and a limiter on it just to make it liveable and sent the audio via dropbox to the guy. It took me 20 minutes so I didn't charge for it.

Then the guy asks me to move some dialogue around, so I ask for the individual tracks. Sorry- I don't have those. Then he asks me to correct a couple typos in the credits. I tell him to fix it himself in the video project......sorry I can't do that......

Then I realize....this might not be his video!

He emails me asking to record the dialog in a couple other languages. I no longer reply to him.

Back at work, I mention this to a guy on my bus. We both work at Canada's version of the IRS/Inland Revenue. The guy on the bus asked the filmmaker's name. Ends up he's a mobster we'd nailed for tax evasion. He burnt his huge house down rather than give it up to us. Buddy on the bus tells me the guy breaks legs and to stay away from him.

Freaked me out really.
Old 1 day ago
  #6290
Lives for gear
 
norfolk martin's Avatar
 

This thread brought up a memory for a while ago. Guitarist was doing an acoustic guitar overdub

Guitarist: Why do I have to wear phones, I hate wearing phones. Can't you just play the track through this floor monitor?

Me: "If put that floor monitor up loud enough for you to hear it, the drums and vocals will spill really badly onto the guitar track.

Guitarist: F***ing drummer - Why don't you use a guitar mic ( apparently under the impression that a "guitar mic" won't pick up anything but guitar ).

Bassist: No, you should use a cardiod instead of a figure 8 mic

ME: I am using a cardoid mic

Bassist: Then why is it picking up from the back?
Old 1 day ago
  #6291
Lives for gear
 
celticrogues's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by norfolk martin View Post
This thread brought up a memory for a while ago. Guitarist was doing an acoustic guitar overdub

Guitarist: Why do I have to wear phones, I hate wearing phones. Can't you just play the track through this floor monitor?

Me: "If put that floor monitor up loud enough for you to hear it, the drums and vocals will spill really badly onto the guitar track.

Guitarist: F***ing drummer - Why don't you use a guitar mic ( apparently under the impression that a "guitar mic" won't pick up anything but guitar ).

Bassist: No, you should use a cardiod instead of a figure 8 mic

ME: I am using a cardoid mic

Bassist: Then why is it picking up from the back?
Well this sounds like a great opportunity to explain about microphone polar patterns, speaker dispersion, and of course room acoustics in complete and exhaustive detail... on the clock of course!

-Mike
Old 1 day ago
  #6292
Lives for gear
 
jeremy.c.'s Avatar
Charging to impart some common sense... wish I'd thought of that!
Old 1 day ago
  #6293
mpr
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mpr's Avatar
 

About 15 years ago I was living in Hawaii, working at a studio that just redid the landscaping near the studio entrance. They got the fertilizer from a ranch on the North Shore (of Oahu) and apparently it came from cow crap.

Anyways, I was just a 'haoli' kid and still pretty clueless of the local ways, but I could tell something wacky was going down while recording this punk band. As they kept leaving the studio over and over again, their eyes started bugging out more and more, their conversations became intensely funny and it wasn't long before they were all rendered musically useless, staring at lava lamps and gear lights up close.

They found psilocybin growing in the fertilizer out front and when i went outside to investigate i saw a sea of purplish gray mushroom caps - hundreds of them.

At that point it was clear the session was over so I joined their adventure...
Old 1 day ago
  #6294
Lives for gear
 
12ax7's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mpr View Post
About 15 years ago I was living in Hawaii, working at a studio that just redid the landscaping near the studio entrance. They got the fertilizer from a ranch on the North Shore (of Oahu) and apparently it came from cow crap.

Anyways, I was just a 'haoli' kid and still pretty clueless of the local ways, but I could tell something wacky was going down while recording this punk band. As they kept leaving the studio over and over again, their eyes started bugging out more and more, their conversations became intensely funny and it wasn't long before they were all rendered musically useless, staring at lava lamps and gear lights up close.

They found psilocybin growing in the fertilizer out front and when i went outside to investigate i saw a sea of purplish gray mushroom caps - hundreds of them.

At that point it was clear the session was over so I joined their adventure...
This is a wonderful story I'd hate to see ruined by over-verification.
Old 1 day ago
  #6295
Lives for gear
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by FreshProduce View Post
Not so much what someone said as much as what they did. I used to be friends with a junky pillhead singer/ (very shoddy) guitarist who would come to the studio I set up in my parents garage while I still lived there. In one corner, I had an esteban acoustic guitar which was the first guitar I owned. It had a small (yet prominent hole in the back of it from the strap breaking while on my back walking home from a friends house. It had a crack in the side. 3 of the 6 strings were 6th strings, tightened/loosened enough to "make it work" until I could pick up more strings. This thing literally couldnt "stay in tune" for more than 4 moderately hard strums.
This particular 'friend' would constantly reach for this sad excuse for a guitar while I was trying to set up the session. Every single time. He would play it loud as **** and knock it out of tune almost immediately.

I'd always try to discourage him from grabbing it in the first place and be like "yo bro.. that things gonna sound awful.. It doesn't even hold tune" and.. he'd be like "nah it's whatever bro I just wanna play it!" Then proceed to sound terrible the entire time I setup the session. Every time.
"Dude why do you replace all my drums"...

The drummer had his drums all out of tune with the song we were recording. And he wouldn't let me touch his drumkit.
Old 1 day ago
  #6296
Yesterday night: Guy books the studio to record his rapping. Tells us he did all the production.

He gets there and it’s all industry beats. Famous Bun-b tracks and some proto-trap stuff from the No limit soldiers era.

He gets called out by the studio owner, who asks him
How he made the tracks. He says “I used my MPC”

We play along. He’s on the clock and apparently loves lying about his career.

He goes on to talk about how all you need is an “ MPC and a mic “ , how analog gear like his MPC is the reason why older music sounds better, that he knows a bunch of famous rappers and producers, that he’s
“Signed”,... it was painful to listen to. Left to smoke weed 3 times during the session.

Guy paid for 6 hours recording tracks he will NEVER get clearance to release.
Old 21 hours ago
  #6297
Lives for gear
 
Joe Porto's Avatar
 

Tracking guitars at a well known local studio. Owner/engineer is talented, and has had some decent records come out of his studio, even had a couple gold records on the wall for mastering work.

He has a Marshall JMP MKII 50 watt half stack...great, I plug my amp selector into that and my DR to have some mixing options. Play through the JMP a bit, and it sounds awful. No high end, seemed to be lacking in power.

Me: When's the last time you replaced the power tubes in the Marshall?

Him: It has tubes?
Old 7 hours ago
  #6298
Gear Nut
 
ergoton's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by mpr View Post
About 15 years ago I was living in Hawaii, working at a studio that just redid the landscaping near the studio entrance. They got the fertilizer from a ranch on the North Shore (of Oahu) and apparently it came from cow crap.

Anyways, I was just a 'haoli' kid and still pretty clueless of the local ways, but I could tell something wacky was going down while recording this punk band. As they kept leaving the studio over and over again, their eyes started bugging out more and more, their conversations became intensely funny and it wasn't long before they were all rendered musically useless, staring at lava lamps and gear lights up close.

They found psilocybin growing in the fertilizer out front and when i went outside to investigate i saw a sea of purplish gray mushroom caps - hundreds of them.

At that point it was clear the session was over so I joined their adventure...
I agree, this is a classic kind of story

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