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The current trendy fingernails-on-a-chalkboard CorporateSpeak... Modular Synthesizers
Old 12th July 2018
  #31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cpl. Punishment View Post
Back in 1999, I designed an HTML/Javascript page that synthesized random "Bull**** Bingo" cards.

Oh, you've never heard of "Bull**** Bingo?" Well, it's a lot like regular bingo, except you play it during corporate meetings. Your card has words and phrases like "synergy", "leverage", "revisit", "empower", "out of the box", "results driven", "value-add"... you get the picture.

All the attendees are handed out the cards before the meeting, and you tick off one box during the course of the meeting whenever a word or phrase is given by the meeting presenter matches one of the boxes on your card. When you get five in a row, you stand up and yell "Bull****!"
I remember things similar to that. There was a corporate jargon generator script back then too with all the hip corporate buzzwords of the era.

Speaking of, remember in those days everything tech related had an e in front of it? E-commerce etc.

Today it’s an i in front of the same crap. iPhone, iHome etc. ad nausea
Old 12th July 2018
  #32
Lives for gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollowman9 View Post
I remember things similar to that. There was a corporate jargon generator script back then too with all the hip corporate buzzwords of the era.

Speaking of, remember in those days everything tech related had an e in front of it? E-commerce etc.

Today it’s an i in front of the same crap. iPhone, iHome etc. ad nausea
Well, if you are a creative programmer you can struggle through all that and do some good work. Or you can be an unemployed angry person and bitch about how the system is "rigged against you".
Old 12th July 2018
  #33
Maybe we should take this thread and do a warm handoff to our mid-levels.
Old 12th July 2018
  #34
Quote:
Originally Posted by Noisewagon View Post
Well, if you are a creative programmer you can struggle through all that and do some good work. Or you can be an unemployed angry person and bitch about how the system is "rigged against you".
The system isn’t rigged it just doesn’t have any good leadership anymore. Everywhere I work these days the middle management are wholly and in some cases criminally incompetent. Turning underlings against each other by playing favorites, abuse of authority, constantly getting away with breaking the rules, abusing time-off policies, throwing people under the bus to save their own skin, making stupid decisions and not owning up to the consequences and being downright negligent instills nobody to follow them.
These people have two management styles - extreme micromanaging or total neglect. I’ve seen ones that flip-flop between these two extremes on a bi-weekly basis like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde. And when things are coming down to wire and the pressure is on now they demand that you stop working for for progress meetings 3 or 4 times a day, sometimes hourly all day long because pulling you away from your work constantly somehow makes it get done faster...

It just seems to me that while hiring standards for engineering personnel keeps getting higher and higher the standards for middle management keeps getting lower and lower to the point where it seems any total waste of space that managed to drunkenly bumble their way through college without learning anything can be middle management.

And as a result leadership inside companies has almost completely ceased to exist.

So no the system isn’t rigged it’s just completely broken.
Old 13th July 2018
  #35
Lives for gear
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollowman9 View Post
The system isn’t rigged it just doesn’t have any good leadership anymore. Everywhere I work these days the middle management are wholly and in some cases criminally incompetent. Turning underlings against each other by playing favorites, abuse of authority, constantly getting away with breaking the rules, abusing time-off policies, throwing people under the bus to save their own skin, making stupid decisions and not owning up to the consequences and being downright negligent instills nobody to follow them.
These people have two management styles - extreme micromanaging or total neglect. I’ve seen ones that flip-flop between these two extremes on a bi-weekly basis like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde. And when things are coming down to wire and the pressure is on now they demand that you stop working for for progress meetings 3 or 4 times a day, sometimes hourly all day long because pulling you away from your work constantly somehow makes it get done faster...

It just seems to me that while hiring standards for engineering personnel keeps getting higher and higher the standards for middle management keeps getting lower and lower to the point where it seems any total waste of space that managed to drunkenly bumble their way through college without learning anything can be middle management.

And as a result leadership inside companies has almost completely ceased to exist.

So no the system isn’t rigged it’s just completely broken.
Your complaints are the same ones I've heard for 40 years. Why don't you bite the bullet and get a middle management job. That way your can prove your superiority and weed out all the bad ones.
Old 21st July 2018
  #36
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shreddoggie's Avatar
I recently started working for these clowns out of necessity due to the demise of a once noble field populated by extremely intelligent CULTURED people. The most baffling adjustment I had to make was this: Being ambitious, trying to do good for the company, being a 'self-starter', asking for forgiveness rather than permission. being innovative... you know what those brought me? Punishment. "How dare you expose our incompetence?" asked Patty and Selma.



It has been really challenging to 'wrap my head around' the concept that I am paid to do very little, not rock the boat, not ask questions... in fact - it now has become clear that it is my position to feed lines to my 'bosses' so they can sound smart in meetings. Corporate America is a workfare program for sub-mediocrities.

Oh yeah - they are also so FAT: Pizza meeting, bagel meeting, cokes and candy (aka health) bars in the kitchen, team outing to greasy Chinese food, cookies and candies on desks brought in to share... I am still tring to come up with a new corporate speak word that combines mediocrity, hippo, and welfare. Never have so many of such low intelligence and productivity been paid more to do less for so few for so long - hows the stock price today?

Old 31st July 2018
  #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shreddoggie View Post
I recently started working for these clowns out of necessity due to the demise of a once noble field populated by extremely intelligent CULTURED people. The most baffling adjustment I had to make was this: Being ambitious, trying to do good for the company, being a 'self-starter', asking for forgiveness rather than permission. being innovative... you know what those brought me? Punishment. "How dare you expose our incompetence?" asked Patty and Selma.



It has been really challenging to 'wrap my head around' the concept that I am paid to do very little, not rock the boat, not ask questions... in fact - it now has become clear that it is my position to feed lines to my 'bosses' so they can sound smart in meetings. Corporate America is a workfare program for sub-mediocrities.

Oh yeah - they are also so FAT: Pizza meeting, bagel meeting, cokes and candy (aka health) bars in the kitchen, team outing to greasy Chinese food, cookies and candies on desks brought in to share... I am still tring to come up with a new corporate speak word that combines mediocrity, hippo, and welfare. Never have so many of such low intelligence and productivity been paid more to do less for so few for so long - hows the stock price today?

Do you work at Microsoft?

The current version of BS cards has to include, "global!" "strategic!" -- this is supposed to incite deep, fervent belief in any airy plan without real substance that will motivate "work hard, play hard" (i.e. no-life sweatshop 90-hour weeks without hope) "culture" (i.e. pneumonia-inducing card-table "offices" aka people warehouses).

I should also note that when the level of BS reaches levels where it's clearly available for broad parody, it's usually been a sign that the latest bubble economy is about to collapse, real hard.

So, "consider your options," and if you're currently working, prepare to "have a nice day! Somewhere else...."
Old 3rd August 2018
  #38
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You Millennial puss-cakes... All bosses talk like that, you just have to get used to it, until you become the boss yourself.

Old 3rd August 2018
  #39
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shreddoggie's Avatar
I actually used to work in an industry with amazing people who could discuss Julian Schnabel and compare performances of Bartok in between chats on organic farming and all sorts of other stuff smart and passionate people engage in until... it was crushed by the digital tech nightmare. I despise the tech-tards, mediocrity, shareholders, and the idiotic contemporary assumptions that growth, convenience, and giant companies spying on you and selling your data like you are a piece of meat in a package is 'progress' and inevitable and that it somehow makes the world a better place - make sure to cherry pick some facts and figures - confirmation bias is real. Everything around me is ON FIRE right now and I think I know why...
Old 27th October 2018
  #40
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DougS's Avatar
 

Stuff Business People Say

Came across this video and I thought of this thread:

Old 28th October 2018
  #41
Gear Head
 

A gentle reminder that we need to gain some traction with this thread, maybe a list of action items to prevent scope creep. Perhaps some of the subject matter experts can have a knowledge sharing session with the new resources or host a lunch and learn? Cross training would also be beneficial so that we are not all silos, we will then be more agile in meeting our deliverables

Yes I have been working in corporate land waaaaaaay too long, the corporate-speak is truly nails on a chalkboard
Old 28th October 2018
  #42
Quote:
Originally Posted by sean8877 View Post
A gentle reminder that we need to gain some traction with this thread, maybe a list of action items to prevent scope creep. Perhaps some of the subject matter experts can have a knowledge sharing session with the new resources or host a lunch and learn? Cross training would also be beneficial so that we are not all silos, we will then be more agile in meeting our deliverables

Yes I have been working in corporate land waaaaaaay too long, the corporate-speak is truly nails on a chalkboard
Thanks for right-sizing the terms and reminding us that GS is just a giant virtual Kan-ban board.

I did a presentation a few weeks ago and my boss told me “That was great! You are a rock star!”

This rock star thing... I keep hearing it and for some reason, it annoys me to no end. I want to throw a red swingline stapler right at his face.

I feel like I live in the movie Office Space.
Old 28th October 2018
  #43
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robert82's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by DomiBabi View Post

I feel like I live in the movie Office Space.
Yeaaaahhh. Why don't you, just, go ahead and walk those reports over to HR.
Old 28th October 2018
  #44
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Temple of Light's Avatar
 

Your femiNaZ! corporatocracy bureaucratic gynocentric group think hive minded hegelian synchophantic psyhco babble,
may impress and work on the young and inexperienced,
but it doesn't work on me for I am neither.
@&#$ HR.

YYMV

Light

Temple
Old 28th October 2018
  #45
Gear Maniac
 

Funny discussion here with some real wry gems... and keys to success for those aspiring to climb the ladder...

Where I'm at (non-USA) LEAN / Sigma Six management ideology became popular in the organizational world in recent years thanks to expensive 3rd party consultants spreading the good word, leading to the annoying catchphrase of everything being 'LEAN'... Lean Six Sigma - Wikipedia

If a supervisor would catch you making, say, a few trips for some supplies instead of teetering under one massive load - the wagging finger like a vicar reprimanding: 'that's not LEAN'.

The basic principle is not unreasonable eg: reduce waste / inefficiency to increase $ profits.... but no one sees the apparent madness of transposing a set of practices specifically related to Toyota auto manufacturing in Japan - being applied to other organizations / industries. Not to mention a rigid almost cult-like ideology and the toe curling catchphrases....

Anyway the best insights I ever obtained on the general uselessness of management can be found in: Peter principle - Wikipedia

"The Peter principle is a concept in management developed by Laurence J. Peter, which observes that people in a hierarchy tend to rise to their "level of incompetence". In other words, an employee is promoted based on their success in previous jobs until they reach a level at which they are no longer competent....>>>Peter and Hull intended the book to be satire, but it became popular as it was seen to make a serious point about the shortcomings of how people are promoted within hierarchical organizations."

Should be taught in management school! :-0


And this - scientific management / Taylorism.. actually made work hideous but the philosophy spread and became the accepted norm ...hooray!

Scientific management - Wikipedia
Old 31st October 2018
  #46
Lives for gear
 

Yes, I suffered through waterfall, agile, lean, six-sigma, kanban..... all of them voodoo incarnations designed primarily to find ingenious ways to make project managers look pseudo-scientific and quantitative in their management of workloads, sufficiently so so that they can then be uniquely blamed when the usual crash between sales and marketing expectations and the intrinsic realities of product development occurs.

Project managers are the first line of defense for product managers who can't control expectations. Science and truth!

It's scapegoating, something that's been going on since neanderthals sat around the first campfire until this day, a universal human phenomenon, completely corporatized and scientized so that people who are bullies and cruel and stupid can excuse themselves for their wretched, inhumane behavior, and feel that that behavior is validated.

It's that simple.

The reality is: everyone's always looking for ways to optimize their work. It's called, using the least amount of time to accomplish it, so you actually have time to live as a human being afterwards. With the rare exception of those very few whose work is actually creative enough they get to live in it, and feel the rewards from doing so, and prefer it to any other activity they could indulge in, sleep included.

All this other bull**** gets in the way of that primary motivation, obfuscates it, and leads to the typical "work" situation where large groups of people are hired to sit around, either twiddling their thumbs most of the week, or finding simple-minded ways to "look busy," mainly through lots of meetings and agendas and planning sessions and the like.

Either that or these schemas and excuses for inhumane behavior are used to crush the life out of everyone working under them, to find ways to make sure no individual worker even has a minute during the day to pick their nose, or use the bathroom. And those who begin to see the inhumanity of it all, and refuse to participate in further beatings of their fellow workers, are promptly kicked out.

Oh well, glad that's all far behind me now!

My two favorite jokes from my last workplace were: "how many people work at X?" "About a quarter." And, "Jesus is Coming! Look Busy!"
Old 31st October 2018
  #47
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Old 31st October 2018
  #48
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robert82's Avatar
[QUOTE=Noisewagon;13602386] . . .

Man, that's painful!
Old 31st October 2018
  #49
Lives for gear
 

I understand at Microsoft there are now 3 managers for every employee who actually does the work.

I shouldn't pick on MS, though, any corporation larger than about 50 people is suffering from middle manager bloat these days.

Hell, I can't even imagine what's going to happen when IBM -- which mostly consists of incompetent middle managers who are busy targeting senior employees on the one side, and stomping on the heads of any new/junior employees who dare do any work that might make them look bad on the other -- starts interfering with RedHat, after the acquisition. Imagine: an overwhelming army of incompetent middle managers swarming a small but dedicated group of coders whose main goal is to automate those middle managers completely out of existence!

The entire world of tech may actually die soon.
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