Can you guys offer thoughts on this tune, not so much the mix? THANKS!

celebritymusic · 17th June 2008, 02:28 PM

Hey guys

Was after some thoughts on the tune itself - lyrics, melody, especially the structure. I only intend it to be a demo mix.

Red Light Days.mp3

Cheers!!!

lakeshorephatty · 17th June 2008, 02:41 PM

Its quite good. Everything is quite solid. I could listen to a finished tune and probably grow to like it. Nice work. (thats a strong compliment from me, i find a lot of music i can't get past the early listening stage).

Wanted to also say the performance is quite good. You have the same issue i do in that some of your vocal performance is very convincing and other parts not as much. I guess practice makes perfect on getting across lyrics and feel just right. It can be a real challenge.

You probably wouldn't want much more going on there as far as arrangement goes.. Maybe a little synth action or something light. Maybe a single strum of a fairly clean electric now and then or something warbly in there. Good times.

tms8707056 · 17th June 2008, 04:15 PM

Took too long to develop and when something new did come it didn't seem worth the wait.

tms8707056 · 17th June 2008, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TroyTempest

I agree.... Ok so you have 2 rotations 8 bars intro... the 2 rotations on the intro feels like 4 and a half due to the non fitting vocal. Then when the verse vox come in its the same thing So we have a 60 bar 15 rotation verse.... and you are asking for advice??? oh man..

Ok here is an idea.. either make a better verse or lose the intro, you are showing yourself up on that transition, in other words, you make yourself look boring when the verse comes in...

on this classic 60 bar verse.... you're going to need to figure something out #1 does it need to be that long? A: **** no.

So what are your options? well obviously just take some of the retard out of it. For example, write a pre chorus.... crazy idea I know... and not just some weird tag like you have but a true pre chorus, then you can cut the retarded out of your verse and break it in half with a 4 bar or 8 bar single rotation or 2 rotation pre, stopping it from grinding along like some down syndrome kid with a broken phonograph .... now to the chorus...

When it comes to the chorus it sounds promising at the start.. but I instantly realize something... you only know 3 chords.... right? no? well then.... I stand corrected but this song implies that. So what you might want to do is leave what you like vocally alone and build the tune below it, this does not mean grab the local wigger and make some fake nub beat that he thinks sounds like ______.... this means change up your progression... you can do it I have faith.

The bridge again.. has potential But drop the 80's thing. not to mention it was one rotation? or what? by the time you realize its here its gone... cool... no.

So I can say you dont suck your writing does, and thats ok, if you were tone def it would be a pointless fight, you have to think about keeping the listener "entertained" and focus on the life of a riff for ****s sake.

And if you take this as mean its ok, I get paid for this. Well not this in particular but for what I just did.

Yeah, what he said. I just didn't have time to type that much.

celebritymusic · 17th June 2008, 06:03 PM

Cheers for the tips - if I could steal some more of your time Troy...

- what needs to change in the verses - melody or lyrics, or both? ie - what'is retarded

- which part are you refering to as the start of the chorus - ie which bit sounds promising?

- are the limited chords what bug you, or could that work if the melody was better? I ask because songs like The Scientist have limited chords, and massive repitition of these basic chords, and a long time to build up, but the song works. I'm trying to get to the essence of why Red Light Days isn't working. So for example, if the Scientist was just played with a strumming guitar, why wouldn't it sound boring to you - what's going on in a song like that that makes it work?

- is the bridge bit you're refering to the 8 bars of the gtr solo/riff? Trying to pinpoint the 80's bit.

- when you say focus on the life of a riff, what exactly do you mean - are your talking about not over-using a riff?

Cheers.

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17th June 2008, 04:15 PM	#3
tms8707056 Gear maniac Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Jackson, TN Posts: 187	Took too long to develop and when something new did come it didn't seem worth the wait. __________________ Matt Snyder 15" MBP 2Ghz Core 2 Duo 2GB RAM, 2 320GB LaCie Quadra Drives, MOTU 828mk3, Logic Studio "There is no such thing as an old song, just bad ones."

17th June 2008, 06:03 PM	#5
celebritymusic Gear addict Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: AUSTRALIA Posts: 362	Cheers for the tips - if I could steal some more of your time Troy... - what needs to change in the verses - melody or lyrics, or both? ie - what'is retarded - which part are you refering to as the start of the chorus - ie which bit sounds promising? - are the limited chords what bug you, or could that work if the melody was better? I ask because songs like The Scientist have limited chords, and massive repitition of these basic chords, and a long time to build up, but the song works. I'm trying to get to the essence of why Red Light Days isn't working. So for example, if the Scientist was just played with a strumming guitar, why wouldn't it sound boring to you - what's going on in a song like that that makes it work? - is the bridge bit you're refering to the 8 bars of the gtr solo/riff? Trying to pinpoint the 80's bit. - when you say focus on the life of a riff, what exactly do you mean - are your talking about not over-using a riff? Cheers. __________________ http://www.popbeatblues.com.au/strikingsmith http://www.triplejunearthed.com.au/strikingsmith < like my tunes? Vote them here for radio airplay on Triple J

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17th June 2008, 02:28 PM	#1
celebritymusic Gear addict Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: AUSTRALIA Posts: 362	Can you guys offer thoughts on this tune, not so much the mix? THANKS! Hey guys Was after some thoughts on the tune itself - lyrics, melody, especially the structure. I only intend it to be a demo mix. Red Light Days.mp3 Cheers!!! __________________ http://www.popbeatblues.com.au/strikingsmith http://www.triplejunearthed.com.au/strikingsmith < like my tunes? Vote them here for radio airplay on Triple J

17th June 2008, 02:41 PM	#2
lakeshorephatty Gear addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 303	Its quite good. Everything is quite solid. I could listen to a finished tune and probably grow to like it. Nice work. (thats a strong compliment from me, i find a lot of music i can't get past the early listening stage). Wanted to also say the performance is quite good. You have the same issue i do in that some of your vocal performance is very convincing and other parts not as much. I guess practice makes perfect on getting across lyrics and feel just right. It can be a real challenge. You probably wouldn't want much more going on there as far as arrangement goes.. Maybe a little synth action or something light. Maybe a single strum of a fairly clean electric now and then or something warbly in there. Good times.