Could use some feedback on this work in progress...

Dubnick · 13th May 2008, 04:13 PM

This is a track I lost perspective on sometime back - hahahahaha. I think, for one thing, I've thinned out the acoustic too much in some earlier problem solving I was trying to handle. Also, I feel like it needs an organ part or just something else, but I don't want to start getting too distracting.

Untitled Document

The song, performances, programming and arranging is also me, just for the record. Thanks in advance for the feedback.

Kammy J · 13th May 2008, 11:58 PM

I think right on the downbeat just after "worked" when you say "everything we worked so hard to..." it'd be nice to hear some piano introduced; some rolling chords (on beat one of each bar) with a simple melody (quarter note rhythms could be nice).

Man I'd lovesome backups on "i know it get's you down (all the way through "turn it all around"). Either on the words themselves or some held out "Ohhs" or "Ahhs."
Also... this part feels like a prechorus to me (starts at :51), but then you break it down with the first verse (around 1:10) when I feel like this is where it should blow up to a catchy chorus.
(I think this break down part of the first verse would be great right after a bridge or final chorus)

I like the overall mix of the song. May be a little muddy when everything comes in (in the bass), but not really. I'm not sure what I'd do with an organ in this piece, I think if anything add the piano part I suggested earlier. It sounds full enough to me when everything comes in.

So what's your next step, have you finished writing the song or are you doing it as you record?

Good luck, I dig it, sounds like a hit.

Dubnick · 14th May 2008, 06:15 PM

Thanks for the feedback man! So, by rolling chords, do you mean appegiated? Sorry - I don't really play keys beyond a very rudimentary level. Is there an example of the type of thing you hear working anywhere I can check out? Re: an organ part, I was thinking of doing a B3 playing a sort of pad sort of deal. Thanks again for the feedback.

Kammy J · 15th May 2008, 01:46 AM

By "rolling," I mean a quick "roll" up the chord very quickly on the downbeat so it's not all played at once. Start low and end high; it just adds a little flavor. Glad I could help and keep it up!

Dubnick · 15th May 2008, 11:13 AM

Thanks man. Actually, when I printed this mix, not only was I really burnt out, I was coming down with a head cold and I should've just waited for it to pass before printing and posting. As the congestion started to clear yesterday I listed again and noticed a few very obvious things:

#1) The vocal is a tad bit tubby in a couple spots.
#2) It's pretty bass heavy when everything kicks in.
#3) The electic guitars are pretty damn low.

Anyhow, I'm gonna let myself fully recover from the cold, do the tweaks and re-post it, but thanks for the kind words and suggestions - might try the piano thing and see if it works.

15th May 2008, 01:46 AM	#4
Kammy J Gear Head Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Portland Posts: 39	By "rolling," I mean a quick "roll" up the chord very quickly on the downbeat so it's not all played at once. Start low and end high; it just adds a little flavor. Glad I could help and keep it up! __________________ www.myspace.com/kameronjohnsonmusic

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13th May 2008, 04:13 PM	#1
Dubnick Gear maniac Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 151	Could use some feedback on this work in progress... This is a track I lost perspective on sometime back - hahahahaha. I think, for one thing, I've thinned out the acoustic too much in some earlier problem solving I was trying to handle. Also, I feel like it needs an organ part or just something else, but I don't want to start getting too distracting. Untitled Document The song, performances, programming and arranging is also me, just for the record. Thanks in advance for the feedback.

13th May 2008, 11:58 PM	#2
Kammy J Gear Head Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Portland Posts: 39	I think right on the downbeat just after "worked" when you say "everything we worked so hard to..." it'd be nice to hear some piano introduced; some rolling chords (on beat one of each bar) with a simple melody (quarter note rhythms could be nice). Man I'd lovesome backups on "i know it get's you down (all the way through "turn it all around"). Either on the words themselves or some held out "Ohhs" or "Ahhs." Also... this part feels like a prechorus to me (starts at :51), but then you break it down with the first verse (around 1:10) when I feel like this is where it should blow up to a catchy chorus. (I think this break down part of the first verse would be great right after a bridge or final chorus) I like the overall mix of the song. May be a little muddy when everything comes in (in the bass), but not really. I'm not sure what I'd do with an organ in this piece, I think if anything add the piano part I suggested earlier. It sounds full enough to me when everything comes in. So what's your next step, have you finished writing the song or are you doing it as you record? Good luck, I dig it, sounds like a hit. __________________ www.myspace.com/kameronjohnsonmusic

14th May 2008, 06:15 PM	#3
Dubnick Gear maniac Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 151	Thanks for the feedback man! So, by rolling chords, do you mean appegiated? Sorry - I don't really play keys beyond a very rudimentary level. Is there an example of the type of thing you hear working anywhere I can check out? Re: an organ part, I was thinking of doing a B3 playing a sort of pad sort of deal. Thanks again for the feedback.

15th May 2008, 11:13 AM	#5
Dubnick Gear maniac Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 151	Thanks man. Actually, when I printed this mix, not only was I really burnt out, I was coming down with a head cold and I should've just waited for it to pass before printing and posting. As the congestion started to clear yesterday I listed again and noticed a few very obvious things: #1) The vocal is a tad bit tubby in a couple spots. #2) It's pretty bass heavy when everything kicks in. #3) The electic guitars are pretty damn low. Anyhow, I'm gonna let myself fully recover from the cold, do the tweaks and re-post it, but thanks for the kind words and suggestions - might try the piano thing and see if it works.