Does this have UK market HIT potential?

[remo]

Song I'm looking to get placed, in the vein of Coldplay, Embrace, Keene, Crowded House...

Do you guys think it has hit potential?


http://www.nixonaudio.com/audio/

[Methlab]

Its a very good song, but it's not a hit IMO.

[Mr. Liszt]

Hey, I am really deep into songwriting so I am going to be as thoughtful about this as I can at the moment. I still have a lot to learn personally. Don't take offense to my remarks. I mean them all in the spirit of progress.

I don't know anything about the UK market but I don't hear hit potential. I mean it's an ok song and obviously done by a person that knows what he/she is doing on a superficial level to some extent but:

- Chorus lyrics are weak. Not interesting, clever or gripping enough. "Fade away?!?!?!?!" Come on man! How cliche is that? There are so many songs about somebody fading away, somebody's so far away etc. You need something better than that.

- Can't think of the song title but there is one that has the words, "You and I collide" in it. That was a pretty big song for a while so the word "Collide" should be taken out of this piece in my view.

- Production flaw at :48. Something different needs to happen.

- Intermediary backing vocals do not sound good. Everybody is trying to do that and rarely does anyone do it right. Produced by another it might be pulled off well but here is sounds like a study of an amateur.

- No brilliant moment like every potential hit song needs. The high A note has some potential to add a brilliant moment here for this song though. For instance, just off the top off my head I am thinking this:

Hit the high A as you do on the G chord BUT then move up to an A# and an F#7 in the rhythm section followed by a high B (or perhaps descend to D) in the voice and a Bm chord then get back to the tonic by going to an A chord. That would make this song at least more gripping as it is so kind of boring as it is. The F#7 will be devastating and immediately the listener will sense mastery and strong creativity and the dramatic effect will suck them into the song.

- On this one you either know what I am talking about or not. This song has been heard sooooo many times before. If you are going to steal the essence of another song then that's fine but it has to be BETTER than all the other songs with that "essence."

Nothing stands out about this song. Why would it be a hit? Yes, you obviously know what a song needs as far as intro, verse, chorus, bridge etc but there is another dimension missing for a hit. Something really special has to happen. Either:

- you don't know these things yet and can't see them,
- I am retarded and don't know what I am talking about in the first place,

OR

- you know these things but are underestimating the intelligence, taste and ability to see a ripoff of your audience and are insulting the listener and yourself by turing out a song like this.

Let me ask, and I am not trying to be smart here but you what do you think is unique enough about this song that it would reach hit record status?

[5down1up]

nice song, ... hit ? dont ask me

[remo]

Originally Posted by Mr. Liszt

Hey, I am really deep into songwriting so I am going to be as thoughtful about this as I can ....

Thanks so much for the detailed response, even though you slaughtered it!

- Chorus lyrics are weak. Not interesting, clever or gripping enough. "Fade away?!?!?!?!" Come on man! How cliche is that? There are so many songs about somebody fading away, somebody's so far away etc. You need something better than that.

Hmm... cliche.. I don't think cliche lyrics matter one bit... especially in pop.. what I do think matters if how they are sung and how strong the melody is. Case in point:

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

these lyrics are DISGUSTINGLY cliche, do you not agree?.. but they are sung in a way that absolutely communicates the human condition, hence.


Chart (2005/2006) Peak
position[15]
Argentina Top 40 Singles 2 [5]
Australian ARIA Singles Chart 2
Austrian Singles Chart 6
Belgian Singles Chart 1
Canadian BDS Airplay Chart 1
Czech IFPI Chart 1
Dutch Top 40 1
French Singles Chart 5
German Singles Chart 2
Irish Singles Chart 1
Italy Airplay Chart 1
Latin America Top 40 1
Latvian Airplay Top 1
New Zealand Chart 4
Norwegian Singles Chart 1
Swiss Singles Chart 2
Swedish Singles Chart 1
UK Singles Chart 1
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 1
U.S. Billboard Pop 100 1
U.S. Billboard Hot Digital Tracks 1
U.S. Billboard Adult Top 40 1
U.S. Billboard Adult Contemporary 1
U.S. Billboard Top 40 Mainstream 5
U.S. Billboard Latin Pop Tracks 40
U.S. ARC Weekly Top 40 1
United World Chart 2

- Can't think of the song title but there is one that has the words, "You and I collide" in it. That was a pretty big song for a while so the word "Collide" should be taken out of this piece in my view.

YouTube - Collide ~ Howie Day ?? if this is I deserve it more than he does!

- Production flaw at :48. Something different needs to happen.

now who's ripping out the cliches! but you're right, I'll pop a tambourine in there.

- Intermediary backing vocals do not sound good. Everybody is trying to do that and rarely does anyone do it right. Produced by another it might be pulled off well but here is sounds like a study of an amateur.

I'd love to hear some examples of how you think these are done "well", youtube links accepted!

- No brilliant moment like every potential hit song needs. The high A note has some potential to add a brilliant moment here for this song though. For instance, just off the top off my head I am thinking this:

Hit the high A as you do on the G chord BUT then move up to an A# and an F#7 in the rhythm section followed by a high B (or perhaps descend to D) in the voice and a Bm chord then get back to the tonic by going to an A chord. That would make this song at least more gripping as it is so kind of boring as it is. The F#7 will be devastating and immediately the listener will sense mastery and strong creativity and the dramatic effect will suck them into the song.

Interesting idea, I'll give it a go and see how it sits.

essence

I know what you mean man, honestly I'm not expecting any chart dominance with this track, just getting it placed with a decent artist is what I'm hoping to achieve. Again, thanks for your commentary, we may disagree on a few points but that the way the game goes! I'd love to hear some of your stuff sometime, not for me to critique (unless you ask for it) but just to hear how you think things should go.

[china jam]

Do you ever listen to Radio 1??

Keane and Coldplay wouldn't be making hits in the current climate if wasn't for their reputation and massive fan bases that were established when music like theirs was in fashion.

If you want a UK hit then write a song like Scouting For Girls or The Hoosiers...probably too late for that already though mate!

[5down1up]

Well, if your really interrested in what the " pros " are doing, go check the hits you like and take a look who has written wich song. Maybe you get a chance to get some copies of the " originals ". All of those songs Ive heard before they were hits sounded even better and had more emotions than the end-results done by some pretty boys & girls !

And, sorry, no, i am not able to give that stuff away.

Good luck !

[Michael Zick]

Yo there's a good basis here for a pop song that I would hear at the supermarket or the movie theater before the movie starts (please don't take offense, it's just where I hear songs like this).

However:

1. it should be slightly faster, it kinda drags especially in the hook.
2. hook needs to be WAY bigger with more going on.
3. did you program the drums? i can tell, and i'm not crazy about the snare sound.
4. previous poster is right...it needs a climactic moment. i can hear where it there's almost one but doesn't hit it. you need people's hearts to beat a little faster during that part of the song.

Good luck!

[croftish]

Hey I thought this was quite good. Catchy tune certainly, but must agree with others that it needs something else musically to make it a bit more interesting. Currently it's all a bit predictable.
Good production. This is the kind of track I can see behind some hollywood teen flick - or even an ozzie soap! - during the 'break up' scene

I've heard a lot worse broadcast I'll tell you that

Seems to me that you'd have more luck placing this as it is in a TV or Film production, rather than with an artist. Artists in this genre tend to write their own material, unless the song is REALLY special, and sadly this is not in that category!

Good luck with it though, you have some talent.

Cheers,

Jim

[huub]

Sounds good!

[macleodgrant]

that's not a bad track - i can imagine it being played in smallville...yeah i like smallville, so what

it doesn't have hit potential but geez, don't take it bad since many people on this forum and other hopefuls in the world are trying to achieve the same thing and it's not an easy game.

a hit song doesn't have to be original at all but you need to find a recipe that works.
don't let this put you off, put your stuff out there
it will be heard and you may get some people going for it but this is the only way you learn the strengths and weaknesses - don't go back to the drawing board is what i'm saying

many bands only crack it on their second album...

good luck!

[duckoff]

Song quality aside I think you'll find it hard to get cuts with this sort of material - it's in the Keane realm & bands like that generally write ( or at least co-write ) their own material.

You're much more likely to get a cut with a 'Singer' or Pop act as they're less likely to write, however they're unlikely to be looking for Keane type songs.like this one.

Personal opinion only : As far as song quality goes it's 'OK' but I don't find the chorus strong enough for it to be a hit.

[Mr. Liszt]

Hey Remo,

I didn't mean to "slaughter" your song. But you did mentioned "HIT" in the thread title which attracted me as this is one alley in which I find great interest.

As far as my work...

I have posted many of my projects on this very forum and they are there for you to find. And while I shall never post any of my modern pop "HIT" work in here I have posted many other tracks. For modern pop work I basically work on this simple principle:

I only work on something or give time to a song if I think it is good enough that there is a strong potential that someone would actually be tempted steal/copy it.

I'm sure that is crazy but everybody has their own thing I guess.

However, I would seriously be honored for you to critique my other work or better even to "slaughter" it.

[remo]

I only mentioned the word HIT in the title so I could get you gearsluts to actually LISTEN to it! and as I confessed in an earlier post I would be totally content just getting the song either placed as sync or with an artist. I totally agree that artists in this vein usually write their own material, but it can't hurt to try!

[Scratchy Pots]

The songs ok,but it sounds maybe 10 years past it`s sell by date
not having a pop here,just my opinion. peace mate!...

[Saudade]

I think the best reality check for us songwriters is that a real pop hit is recognised within 5-10 secs after the singing starts, some even after the intro starts.

You can let any layman or top producer hear it, they can all immediately recognise a hit as well as the other. And you can recognise on their faces that they "got it"

And it's not just good songwriting, but the performance, arrangement, the sonic signature. The character and individuality of the artist.

There are many types of hit songs. For me I don't crave to be successful for writing a boyband type hit (which has its own creative merits btw), but instead for writing something so unique and esoteric that a lot of people happen to like. I figured it would be a much larger ego boost to know people actually dig my freakishness

[narcoman]

Originally Posted by remo

I only mentioned the word HIT in the title so I could get you gearsluts to actually LISTEN to it! and as I confessed in an earlier post I would be totally content just getting the song either placed as sync or with an artist. I totally agree that artists in this vein usually write their own material, but it can't hurt to try!

Song aside here, you can try but it wont happen :

you wont get sync unless the artist has a track record - even a small one. If you're just emoing the song but dont consider yourself and act, you wont get any offers for sync. I do several million dollars worth of sync every year and when we take tracks of this ilk, its invariably from a band - not a face singing someone else's songs.


It wont get artist placement because its of a genre where the artists are the writers.


so, either be the artists, get an artist or recut the song in a contemporary performance style.

[remo]

Thanks for the tips narcoman.

A little history on this track; it was originally written by myself and the singer in our band to be performed by our band (now defunct after almost signing a deal, long story). So now I have these 'band' songs lying around doing nothing because there is no longer a band to perform them. So I'm looking for ways to keep them alive rather than just chalking it up "to experience" and forgetting they exist.

[sheever]

Originally Posted by remo

Thanks for the tips narcoman.

A little history on this track; it was originally written by myself and the singer in our band to be performed by our band (now defunct after almost signing a deal, long story). So now I have these 'band' songs lying around doing nothing because there is no longer a band to perform them. So I'm looking for ways to keep them alive rather than just chalking it up "to experience" and forgetting they exist.

seems to me like Keane track..
Keane has a great opening in the chorus parts.thats why sit on the charts..
otherways boring..
you ve got good production...my oppinion is try to do some new thing than you can go to the top...

[gundling]

the production is nice... let me see if 2 hours later while I'm working the song is still in my head. Then it is a hit.

Someone said good movie fodder.. I definitely agree with that sentiment.

Keep 'em comin'!

Rob

[remo]

Thanks for the props Rob!

[warmer]

I agree with others, this sort of track has to come from a band so if you want to keep trying to push these tracks get another band!

It is very Keane and I don't see them having another hit myself, Scouting For Girls and The Hoosiers are 'it' at the moment but I see this as very much a short term thing (Scouting for girls only have one song they just change around the order of their awful lyrics to make a new one)

I left a band in a similar situation to you, doing showcases for a couple of the majors and then splitting up. I had written all the songs and didn't want to leave them but now I've drawn a line through it and I much prefer my music and it is a completely different sound (I still steal lyrics and idea from old band tracks!)

Really good songs will make a trend, not follow it.

[jbuntz]

Good job! Work on the snare. It feels verb up front and perhaps to agressive for the track. Also, add some more effects to the vocals. You don't have to hear them to feel them. Delays, detune and multiple reverbs at low levels can do wonders. Sometimes it's a trip to load a mix into your computer and cancel the center channel (reverse the phase of the opposite channel and sum with the other) and hear how much effect remains. it's also a trip to hear how most of green day on american idiot have mono effects only.

[remo]

Thanks Jblunts, I'm pretty happy with the mix seeing as though I am just the bass player who dabbles in mixing /production then again I would LOVE to see what a professional could do with it!

[nevets@milwpc.co]

Nice tune. Maybe a counter melody could work here and there to compliment the vocals and add some drama. A hit? I have no idea.

[Audio Hombre]

no worse than a lot of stuff i hear playing on american t.v shows.

i will say that the ld vocal really needs a producer to flesh it out and capture it better. both on a performance and tracking level.it gets SO shouty and strained at times that it enters the irritating realm. hard and grinding at times "how can we collide and ....." that line made me wince everytime he (you) sang "collide".it's pretty obnoxious. just my opinion but i doubt i'm the only one that noticed this, especially in the chorus'. other than that, again, it holds it's own with so much of the other meh stuff out there right now.

[Elvis]

insert a house beat

[bcgood]

Cool song, thanks for sharing. I think it is better than some of the stuff I hear on the radio. Keep up the good work!

[FirstLoveStudio]

Originally Posted by remo

Hmm... cliche.. I don't think cliche lyrics matter one bit... especially in pop.. what I do think matters if how they are sung and how strong the melody is. Case in point:

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

these lyrics are DISGUSTINGLY cliche, do you not agree?.. but they are sung in a way that absolutely communicates the human condition, hence.


Chart (2005/2006) Peak
position[15]
Argentina Top 40 Singles 2 [5]
Australian ARIA Singles Chart 2
Austrian Singles Chart 6
Belgian Singles Chart 1
Canadian BDS Airplay Chart 1
Czech IFPI Chart 1
Dutch Top 40 1
French Singles Chart 5
German Singles Chart 2
Irish Singles Chart 1
Italy Airplay Chart 1
Latin America Top 40 1
Latvian Airplay Top 1
New Zealand Chart 4
Norwegian Singles Chart 1
Swiss Singles Chart 2
Swedish Singles Chart 1
UK Singles Chart 1
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 1
U.S. Billboard Pop 100 1
U.S. Billboard Hot Digital Tracks 1
U.S. Billboard Adult Top 40 1
U.S. Billboard Adult Contemporary 1
U.S. Billboard Top 40 Mainstream 5
U.S. Billboard Latin Pop Tracks 40
U.S. ARC Weekly Top 40 1
United World Chart 2

This worked for Mr Blunt (I think) becuase he is a genuinely cheesy cliched man. It is a horrible lyric as far as I'm concerned but I do think that he really meant it which is why it sold (that and the fact that there is nothing interesting enough in any of the album to actually offend anybodies taste - unless you have a taste for interesting music in which case James Blunt is very offensive). Anyway - Ting ting's are number 1 and that tune was only ever going to be a hit - it's really exciting imo (not that I've actually bought it but...).

This tune sounds like Snow Patrol - they are also really boring and do very well - they write their own tunes though, as do the other examples mentioned