Lend me your ears...

[JKL]

I've been working on this tune too long and would appreciate some outside feedback.
Singer sucks (me). I'm embarrassed, but it's just a guide track for a real vocalist, and it's been put through a couple meat grinders just so I don't have to kick the dog every time I hear my voice.
I'll spare you any other explanations for now, and let you all pick it apart for me.

Thanks,

Jon

There's a revamped version of this tune here: http://gearslutz.com/board/attachmen...&postid=146832

[JKL]

Wow, this is freaky! I'm working on the same exact original song! My lawyers will be in touch.

Bizarro Jon

[Lee Tyler]

Sonically balanced, warm and rich to these ears. Your voice is just fine dude, and you know it. Nice tune. Perhaps a more "spacey", "chorusy" or "swirling" application on the vocals at times leaving the center soundstage might be effective at times. In addition, a nice exciting bridge in a different key would be something I would attempt to stick in this tune personally. This IS an original, right? Kinda sounds like a Sting-thing at first listen. This sounds near or at the commercial release quality to me. Nice job! ---L.Tee.

[Lee Tyler]

Originally posted by JKL
Wow, this is freaky! I'm working on the same exact original song! My lawyers will be in touch.

Bizarro Jon

This may help you:

Split personalities

[JKL]

Lee,
Thanks for the comments. A "C" section is one of the concerns I had about the tune. You've confirmed my suspicions. You're comment on my voice is kind to say the least. Personally, I have a hard time trying to decide wether to mic my mouth or my nose, cuz my nose is where most of my vocal sound comes from!
I actually multed the vocal through an amp simulator with flange and distortion. Perhaps I'll try to be a bit more liberal with it in one of the sections.
Thanks again for taking the time to comment. Your insight is exactly what I'm looking for. BTW, as this tune was beginning to reveal itself, Sting is the first thing that came to my mind. I actually made a point to listen to some Sting tracks to get some ideas for pad sounds. The voice I hear in my head belongs to P. Gabriel. Unfortunately, we're no longer on speaking terms.

Jon

[Lee Tyler]

You're comment on my voice is kind to say the least.

Nah, I don't bullshit folks in any of these forums. You have fine intonation and that is REAL important. We all could work on expression, but you ain't sounding too bad, my friend. I am a former N.Y.C. boy and I don't pull any punches. Keep up the good work and post any updates. Ain't music fun?? ---Leester

[Mario-C.]

aaah myxolydian ... i loved it since the opening chords ...

I'm listening right now...
I think your vocals work ok until the chorus, just my opinion, but if you are going to re record the vocal well it doesn't really matter

I really like the changes, a lot !

the instrumental part could be better i think, i feel it is a little weak, maybe too restrained, but that's just me being a little too critical, the little things happening in the background sound great

overall i enjoyed listening to your song very much, sounds so different from what i'm used to, thanks for sharing...

[JKL]

Thanks for the reply Mario.
Yup. Bingo. This tune was all mellow classical/ accoustic guitar stuff with bass and drums until two days ago. I wanted to give a harder edge to it so I laid some understated chunka chunka and a more aggressive electric guitar to it. I haven't bothered to replace the classical guitar in the lead section.(yet) Once again that was just meant for filler until one of my real guitar player buddies came to my rescue, but I've grown used to it being there now. I agree that this could be much more interesting. Maybe a good place to incorporate a modulation (Lee) and a more adventurous (face melting) solo effort instead of just restating the verse and melody. I don't think you're being over-critical at all Mario. That guitar melody is pretty damn boring. I've got some ideas for that...
You guys hit on two major things I was concerned about. Another thing I'm thinking is that with the added guitar parts, the background has turned into somewhat of a "custer-fluck". Lots of little things going on but none important enough to bring out to the front. What do you think? I've been holding off on a "lead" guitar in hopes I could drag my buddy over here to do the duties, but Christmas is right around the corner (he's slow!) Maybe I can protool my way to a decent lead track on my own (I'm a drummer, dammit)
What do you guys think - a much more embellished classical/flaminco style lead, or just go to electric?
Thanks guys. You've been extremely helpful. It's nice to get confirmation on the good, and especially on the not so good.


Jon

[JKL]

I started a new thread with a revised version of this track. I opted not to modulate into a new section - I'd have to retrack everything to do it right, and I'm too lazy to start all over again. Let me know what you think...

Jon