Indie Lyrics.

[Halloween]

Just wanted some advice.

Verse
WEARY OF STRUGGLE
INCOMPARABLY LOVELY
YOU CAN FEEL THE SILENCE
PEEKING THROUGH THE VEIL OF MATTER

Chorus
WHEN THE MUSIC DIES
CHANGE THE MUSIC
A SILENT SCREAM
TELL THE TRUTH AND RUN

Verse2
THE FIRE OF HUMAN GENIUS
FELL THROUGH THE CRACKS
MOMENT BY MOMENT
RECOVERING THE MEMORY

Chorus
WHEN THE MUSIC DIES
CHANGE THE MUSIC
A SILENT SCREAM
TELL THE TRUTH AND RUN

Bridge
FOUND MY VOICE
THE WOUNDS ARE DEEP
THE PEOPLE ARE GROWING RESTLESS
LIVE IN THE SHADOWS


Just looking for some insight, I worked on this for quite awhile and was curious what people thought.

I tend to write in metaphors... And Dark..

[hakim]

Originally Posted by Halloween

PEEKING THROUGH THE VEIL OF MATTER

I tend to write in metaphors... And Dark..

I would definitely have to hear the song since there is no rhyme cadence. But the one stand out thing that I didn't like was the use of "matter" in this line. It's strange... but that may be what you are going for. Again, no rhymes scheme so I would need to hear the song.

[Halloween]

Auh man Matter was my fav word :(

[Gracehoper]

I agree with hakim that you'd probably have to hear the song to get a feel of what works and what doesn't. But I'd definitely avoid cliches like "silent scream" and "wounds are deep" and overall go for more original metaphors. Maybe check out some modern poetry.

[skiltrip]

I too need music to properly gauge it. There's been plenty of awesome songs that if you isolated the lyrics with no music, you'd say, that's just bad!

And there's also plenty of brilliant lyrics that are put to horrible musical arrangements.

It's all about how they work together. Like the word Matter for example. That could be perfect with the music, or it might stand out and be awkward. I agree that sitting alone in the lyrics with no music, it does stand out and feel awkward.