critique on indie/folk/pop type tune

[RedHeffer]

i've been lurking the forums for quite a while now, trying to absorb as much as i can, so now i wanted to get some feedback from you guys on a tune that i engineered for an artist. here's a link to the track:

http://www.redheffer.com/mp3/projects/moonlight.mp3

this is the first attempt at a mix with the producer, so we know we're far from being done, but if you guys could provide some feedback that would be great. also, seeing that this site is called gearslutz, here's what i used:

isa 428 on everything
(2) r84's on OH
marshall v67m outside of kick
bass direct
v67m and oktava mc012 on classical guitar
keyboard direct
akg precision 200 on vox

let me know what you guys think!

[RedHeffer]

Its that bad, huh? Haha. Anyone?

[B.Santillan]

It's a good sound for this song.

There are only a couple things I might change. I would personally put the guitar in the center and under the piano volume wise.

If you keep the guitar on the right side, on the fighting in the bedroom repeat part I would be tempted to put the repeat on the left side instead of the right.

That stuff is just a matter of my taste versus yours though. There's nothing really wrong with the way you have them.

I would have thrown jazz/blues in the title of this thread too.

[Mr. Liszt]

I like this. Really cool. I'd love to give some ideas.

Production arrangement thoughts... I'm just gonna jump around...

Some if it would require re-tracking and don't know if that's an option but I'll give you my thoughts anyway.

- Country girl in the jazz club, eh? Well, I guess "you can take the girl out of the country. But..."

- I don't know about some moments of the singer. Not convinced by some of her blue notes. Don't think she is comfortable with that. She has a nice modern country voice but she is trying to do a little jazzy thing. I can tell that she was stiff and somewhat unconfident during some moments of the tracking and that could likely be the cause. The way she pronounces some of the words could sound a little less country. This could entirely be just me. I don't know anything about what you guys are ultimately trying to go for with this. If I knew more about the audience you are trying to reach this would be easier. Trying to turn jazzy/bluesy folks onto a little country or country people onto a little jazz etc.

- The little "yeah" at the end of the second chorus does not sound good. Sounds kinda cheesy. I say instead of having her sing the scoop into the D note (which sounds like a sorta wrong note) give her a low note and have her scoop into a low F# and have her sing it "sexy" instead of "cool" as she's kinda doing now. If your going to keep the D note which with the bass note F# makes this an implied F# augmented then you have an interesting opportunity to exploit that chord with maybe a sudden lush but subtle voicing of the chord on the piano

- Put an intro in there. Vocal entrance is premature. Something along the lines of the piano solo. Great touch on the piano solo by the way. Very tasteful.

- Don't you think the piano solo is in the wrong spot kinda? Maybe shorten it to 2 bars after the first chorus and then do it right after the second chorus. It's too long now.

- In between the "fighting in the kitchen" before the first chorus give the guitar a little lick in there to fill in a little of the empty space. I like the patience there but I think you could add a little guitar fragment without compromising the delicacy of the moment. Poor guy. Got hardly anything to do.

- The in and out voices for the "fighting in the bedroom" don't sound natural. Got to be fixed.

- Why no backing vocal in the first chorus? Put it in there a touch. You think the average person is going to wait a minute and a half for a little brilliance and sophistication? Put them in there. Give a little ear candy a little sooner!

- Backing vocals too intense in the second verse. More below.

- Third chorus... What is with the sudden auto-tuned pop chorus?!?!?! Don't ruin this intimate, cool vibe with that. I see that each chorus is a plead to the "moonlight" and you want to develop that and make it more demanding each time. I like that. You are going to have to thicken the arrangement of the rhythm section in a complementary way if you are going to go that route.

- At the little break at the end where the singer has "...you give me back these wasted years..." I think she needs to redo that. The nuance could be a lot better. I see what you guys are going for and it's a great idea but her execution is lacking. That is A HUGE moment and she did not deliver to her best.

- This is my biggest problem: When this song begins I'm picturing a jazz quartet with a vocalist. Dark little smokey jazz club. She's got the typical tacky but perfect red sparkly gown on and the guys have their ties loose and smokes hanging effortlessly from their lips. Sounds good. Nice and intimate. THEN the backing vocals enter produced with a pop sensibility and it destroys my perception of the scene. I think that to remedy this problem you need to treat the backing vocals as if they were a little group of backup singers of in the background. Right now it is too obvious that they are the same vocalist! I mean cheers for the good parallel harmony part-writing and the fine intonation and effort but I think is is not what is best for the song. Put them off to the right several meters behind the singer and treat them with plugins to sound like different people.


Mixing thoughts...

- Not much low end. Sounds thin.

- Backing vocals in general are too upfront as said above.


Again, like the song a lot and think it could be really solid so that's why I am being so picky.