FIRST POST - New Song.... comments please :)

[rattleshock]

This is my first time posting here. I recorded this song in my living room using 1 mic to capture both the acoustic and vocals simultaneously (Rode NT-1000 into an ART Studio V3 pre into a M-Audio Delta 44). I have been experimenting with stripping down my recording process (less mics, no pitch correction, etc). Criticism wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHEERS!


Glenn

SoundClick artist: Rattleshock Studios - page with MP3 music downloads

[dashamu]

OK IMHO,

Nice tune. Verse too familiar and uneventful musically and lyrically to repeat 2x before the second chorus. The chorus (hook) could be great. Nice uplifting melody and cool suspended chords give it a nice emotional lift but the lyric is way too repetitive and a bit cliched. I think you could work harder to make the words match the impact of the musical content. More original, plaintive, ironic, unexpected... Maybe wait for 'take me away' for the very last line of the chorus after you've exposed your self in the first part of the chorus.
Your voice and guitar playing are solid, the balance is good, but I'd prefer the verse to be a bit drier and more intimate and let the hook open up with a little more ambience.
Maybe you could write and cool little bridge after the second chorus...maybe you did but I didn't get that far because the long second verse section was killing me.
Anyway, the song and your delivery have great potential if you can pull out the deeper emotional content that's lying under the surface. Nice work for an evening.
Hope this helps.

[abit]

May work nicely if you try to go from E to A as main key of the song.
Fourth up.
It can add more drama to it.
I think you suppose to have that diapason/range in your voice.
Just a thought.

[drakewire]

Acoustic guitar sounds like line in very metallic not bad.... but plays on the nerves a bit....


There is also a crap load of artificial reverb being used here... Less is more.... its not bad but it sounds like you blanketed the whole track with IR response software or something..... It doesnt sound natural....

[rattleshock]

Thanks for the responses!!! I really appreciate you taking the time to give feedback.

---Dashamu - I will try rewriting the chorus and see what comes of it. I also agree with the change in ambiance per each section. THANKS AGAIN!!!

---Abit - Could you clarify what you mean about going a fourth up?? In the chorus or the whole song? THANK YOU!

---Drakewire - I actually didn't 'Blanket' the mix with IR, but I cam awfully close! I will back it off. My problem was the vocal and acoustic came in on the same mic so to add any ambiance to acoustic also added to voice, etc... Once I re track it I will separate the elements and that should make it easier!! THANKS A LOT!!!


I appreciate the criticsms more than you know!

CHEERS!!!

Glenn

[diatonic]

...

[abit]

Originally Posted by rattleshock

---Abit - Could you clarify

Yep, the whole song.
At least I would play with it, to check if it feels right.
May be a little less than 4th.
But idea to take it "UP". Yes.
Cuz highest note in the CH is E(or E flat).
And you obviously have another 4th in your voice range up there.
That's why I think you loose some of the energy,
that you might not need to loose, naturally.
Tension, uncertainty.
It is quite common thing in the begining.
You're not the 1st one. Don't worry.
We all been there, with no exception.


Song is cool though.

[rattleshock]

Thanks so much Abit!!!

Cheers!

Glenn

[peeder]

I think it sounds fantastic for what you've got to work with sonically. I think you could go into a studio and rip it out with quality quite quickly. I like the voice, I like the groove, I like the song. There are some places where the voice isn't quite as strong as it could be...a bit lazy and losing support. A good vocal coach will iron that out in production. Also could add background vocs etc.

So if you want to go for it, do it right with pros. If this is for yourself and friends, you have every reason to be proud of it as it stands.