May I humbly ask for suggestions re the choice of a Mastering Service

[lame pseudonym]

I am getting close to having my tracks ready, close meaning this year.

I don't know if this is a permissible question in this forum, but I have no idea how to choose a mastering service. Here's what I need:

- Someone who won't get all porky if I'm not the best singer or player in the world. I'm doing my best, and I'm hiring guys for the harder stuff.

- Someone who can deal with a variety of sounds. My tracks vary from three-chord Sixties pop to atmospheric Morphine-like songs. I don't want them to "sound the same" I want them to sound in a way that maximizes their message and effect. I do not want a processed, squished sound.

- Someone who's actually sold some records. Note to ill-tempered readers: Please don't respond to this criterion with some stupid retort about all the things that are necessary to accomplish this. If a guy's never sold a record I don't think he's my guy.

- There's no reason to engage a star for my material but I don't need a $400 job either. Unless you know a great $400 guy. Nothing wrong with that. Eleven songs, about 36 minutes total. What's a medium rate, $100 a song?

If my question is stupid, just tell me I'm stupid and I'll go away. But if you can help me that would be great.

Thanks

L