Hi guys,
I've been a lurker on here for a while but I thought I would post and see what your thoughts/critiques are on this song I wrote. I'm mainly a vocalist, and I was never really confident in my songwriting, but I thought I would give it a shot and release an EP of all original songs. I've submitted this to Blazetrak as well, but I haven't heard anything yet. Plus you all seem really cool and I would value your opinions and advice. Thank you so much
Liked it, was cool. There could be a lot more going on, I'd like to see the instrumental have more elements/layering, different progression (the synth) for the chorus, intro, etc. and the drums could be less of a 32 bar loop - I like writing to other people's stuff myself, you can always try to collaborate.
The background music doesn't seem to match the vocal delivery
... or vice versa: the vocals don't match the music arrangement.
What I mean is... the background synth outlines delicate and soft arpeggios but it sounds like you're putting some power into your vocals which gives it an edgy quality. The delivery is almost very anthem like. To me, this means the accompaniment should also be edgy and therefore requires some bite such as electric guitars crunching out some power chords to complement the way you've sung it.
Or you take the opposite approach, you keep the light and airy background but subdue the vocal delivery to be more intimate and less anthem like.
The chorus phrase of "I'm staying here" could really use doubled-or-tripled 3-part harmonies. (panned hard left, center, and hard right.) Not every chorus in every song needs a wall of harmonies but in your song, that line repeats 4 times within 1 chorus, and it sounds like it needs some tonal variation. (You also come out of the 1st verse to end on the same phrase "I'm staying here" so it's actually heard 5 times in a row so there needs to be some contrast between the verse and the chorus. Harmonies can provide that contrast.)
Great tune idea. I love your voice. Jason had a lot of good points. Work on each section, and build on it.
This is where the work starts really. Getting nit picky and perfecting your melodies. Beef up your vocals. Some nice harmonies. Get a guitar player (or you) to lay down some strong riffs that compliment the arrangement.
If you are mainly a vocalist, try working with an engineer at a studio and see how that goes. It can be freeing in a lot of cases and allow you to create more easily. Good luck.
Thanks everyone, much appreciated. This song was heavily influenced by Robyn's 'Hang With Me' Robyn - Hang with Me - YouTube So I was trying to keep the instrumental simple like that. I know her voice is kinda light so it works, while my voice is fuller. Do you think an engineer will be able to help add something to this? The producer that I'm working with doesn't do mixing and mastering. Is any one interested in collaborating? Or should I try another section for that? I just want this album to be the best it can be.
This song was heavily influenced by Robyn's 'Hang With Me' Robyn - Hang with Me - YouTube So I was trying to keep the instrumental simple like that. I know her voice is kinda light so it works, while my voice is fuller. Do you think an engineer will be able to help add something to this?
Since you want to prioritize the lightness of the music bed, you might want to consider re-singing the song with a more intimate delivery. Here's an except from an SOS article about recording Tina Turner's "What's Love Got To Do With It":
... So, Terry decided to start things off with 'What's Love' as that was the one which was going to be the least demanding on her voice. He'd get it out of the way while hearing how she could sing.
"When we first put the track up, Tina sang like she was on stage in front of 25,000 people, belting it for all she was worth, and Terry was sitting there shaking his head, clearly concerned that this was going to be a disaster. He said 'Tina, you just need to back it off a bit,' and we spent ages trying to get her to do that, but she didn't appear to know what 'back it off' meant. She was in the studio, Terry, myself and the assistant engineer were in the control room, and for a time it was very, very tense. She began getting annoyed, saying 'I sing everything like this!' to which Terry said 'But this is a love song,' and he went into the studio and sang along with her to illustrate how it should be done. She liked how he'd sung on the demo, and he said 'Well, if you want it to sound like the demo, you can't belt it.'"
With his back virtually pinned against the wall, the producer had to think fast about how to encourage a little light and shade. "Nothing sounds good cranked full up," asserts John Hudson. "If you want something to sound really loud and powerful it's got to be below 90 percent, because otherwise you've got no leeway for those extra little spikes, whether they're vocal or guitar. In the end Terry told Tina 'Forget about the microphone. Imagine you're singing only to me, not an audience. Sing into my ear.' And when she did that, she sang quietly and I was going 'Yes!' I pushed the talkback and I said, 'Terry, that sounds great,' and Tina said 'Oh, whaddya mean, whaddya mean?' She didn't really understand what was going on. Terry just stood there with his ear by the microphone and said 'Right, sing the first verse,' and by the time we'd recorded the verses with him standing there with his ear in her face, she had totally got the hang of it. At that point, she was so pleased. She thought it was great, and I think it was really good that we did 'What's Love' first, because it put her in the whole mode of not giving 110 percent for every bloody note.
John Hudson (left) and Terry Britten share a joke during the 'What's Love' sessions.
"As soon as she got a handle on it, she was brilliant. I mean, she locked into it within a couple of hours. It wasn't a case of playing it back and saying 'Right Tina, that was great. Do it like that.' There wouldn't be any point. She's a performer. She was relying totally on Terry and me, and once he'd sussed the way to do it, Terry was blown away by the results. He was going 'Oh, this is fantastic.' Her vocal was so smooth and powerful, and Terry was absolutely brilliant to get that performance out of her. ...
Quote:
The producer that I'm working with doesn't do mixing and mastering.
The producer that's not manning the knobs and faders should be able to focus on arranging the musical elements of the song for you.
Comparing your song to "Hang With Me"...
she's got a wall of harmonies in the chorus ... yours does not.
she's got double/triple tracked lines and added whisper vocals. Yours does not. (Or I didn't easily hear them.)
You can keep flipping back and forth between her song and yours and you'll start to notice more and more musical elements that your song could also use.
KatCraig, first I think you have a great voice. Secondly I think you need to work the song a bit more lyrically. Try to be a bit more creative with your lyric content and there is really no dynamic change between the verse and the chorus so you reallly don't get any pay off. Maybe a nice crunch guitar at the chorus or something else to punctuate it would be nice. Keep working it. Good luck.
Great article! and that's a great idea. I guess I always thought I had to sing full on because I thought that was the only way I sounded good. I didn't think I would sound so great with soft vocals. I'll try that, and I'll work with my guy to add more harmonies on the chorus. Thank you so much!
KatCraig, first I think you have a great voice. Secondly I think you need to work the song a bit more lyrically. Try to be a bit more creative with your lyric content and there is really no dynamic change between the verse and the chorus so you reallly don't get any pay off. Maybe a nice crunch guitar at the chorus or something else to punctuate it would be nice. Keep working it. Good luck.
Thanks for the compliment Yeah lyrics are so hard for me...I never know if anything is too cheesey or not, and I'm constantly second guessing myself.
vocal is way to prominent....do a check in mono....turn the volume down real low and listen in mono.
this might help you take a different vocal level approach.
this will also give the back track more kick...kick it along...
the vocal needs fine tuning to fit the genre....i know what has happened...you spent a long time on the vocal!
for me..my opinion..whilst the vocal is so prominent and the fine tuning not done...it's difficult to get past the first few lines without pressing 'next' song.
this will be your problem until the vocal fits the track a bit better....it is worth doing more work on though!
the arp' synths need more balls...and perhaps a bit of layering...the breakdown section is a little out of the blue....try something more obvious.
just fix this before you put it away and it will work nicely on your 'show reel'.
so...less vox..more synth ...tough drums and lots of kick! with less back beat!!
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