Need fresh ears to listen to this

[Scorgie]

Great ideas on the track.
Does the intro work? - Yes the intro is very good and the guitar provides an excellent melody that I thought would be used for the vocal.

The vocal melody - It too is fine but maybe competes with the intro. If it were me I would try one or the other and put the one I didn't use to the side for another song. I like the intro melody the most.

Harmony for the chorus - Yes add some. 3rd or 5th and octave above. "Catch me when I fall" is a great line for those.The vocal treatment reminded me of Lennons distorted vocals. Nice.

The biggest thing for me is the arrangement. The cool drums after the first chorus makes the second chorus smaller feeling when it should be huge. I like the stair climb metaphor for a song. Progressively gets bigger as you climb the stairs. When you sing "would you catch me when I fall" for the second time I want to be knocked over by the emotion of the lyric and that gets helped by a BIG powerful chorus.

I hope that helps you get off the wall. I think you have a great scratch track there.

[tommyhayes31]

I hope that helps you get off the wall. I think you have a great scratch track there.[/QUOTE]

Absolutely man. Thank you for a great response. I'm happy with the things you listed, quite a few I was already hearing. The one suggestion I hadn't thought of was to use that intro melody throughout the verse. Think I'll give it a while. Thanks again for your input man!

[mic2002]

yes there are the guts of a good song in there.with this kind slowish vibe the lyrics (which is great that I can actually hear the lyrics!) need to pull you in.I would suggest a few less obvious things such as something different from the 'catch me if I fall' or the 'rain falling' which are a bit obvious for me.I would lose the guitar intro as I don't think the song needs it.I like the kinda rap type vocals in there which breaks things up nicely.I know its an old cliche but but it may be worth really working that chorus up and then working backwards from that.It may be interesting to hear this song with a female vocal? But good work so far.

[Scorgie]

You are 200% welcome. Let me know how it all work out.

[hutzal]

You got some good ideas there. Some notes that could perhaps improve upon your scratch:

1. Cut the intro in half, it takes too long for the vocal to come in, the repeat phrase of the intro doesn't really serve any purpose (to my ears) and the length could cause you to lose the interest of your listener.
2. I would think about replacing the horns you have in the hook with strings, same lines and all, but unless you have really good (real) sounding horns I wouldn't recommend using it, I can hear it as strings and it might sound good! (or layer your horn line with strings to thicken the sound up and sort of hide the horn samples).
3. The second verse is quite busy on the drum side, I would think about scaling that back to a simple 2 & 4 beat, and instead of all the toms, add some strumming acoustic that could fill out the verse instead of the drums.

Just some thoughts on a quick listen!

[tommyhayes31]

Some great feedback guys! Thanks so much. I had already cut the intro for the same reason... Now it's a step chord intro a, a minor to e major which is the first chord of the verse. Much better...

Will be working more on it this week and will post an updated version. Right now I'm just listening it and playing on an acoustic guitar to see what (if any) ideas come.

Thanks again, tommy

[Snail]

Nice stuff!

I agree with the previous post: When the drums change (around 1:30) -- I might keep the beat you have just for one or 2 bars and then change back to a standard beat. Having that beat (with lots of tom hits) throughout the whole section is too much and a bit distracting.

The vocals sit very forward in the mix and the distorted and super-compressed sound of the vocals doesn't quite jive with the rest of the music in my mind. They just seem too "in your face" considering the music is otherwise very laid back. Of course, if that is what you want and what you're going for, then I'd say just tone it down slightly. But otherwise I'd experiment with other vocal techniques and see if something else doesn't fit the song better.

Maybe add some backing vocals to keep interest, later in the song?

[tommyhayes31]

Hey snail! Thanks for writing bud. Right now I'm really just focusing on the song and not a mix, but I hear what you're saying about the vocals... Needs to be much more organic indeed. Since I last posted, I've cut the beginning to one bar intro, wrote an actual mid8th (rather than the messy break I had on the track), changed the drumming pattern on verse two to a straight 4/4 with some nice hat work for movement and it really is much better, so thanks for that suggestion too guys. I've say at the keyboard, and went through all vocal melodies and created LOTS of interesting harmonies, and am now getting a tighter mix together for a bass player I hopefully have coming over on Thursday. This guy is a beast, he was In public enemy's live band, and done session work for outkast, he's crazy good!!!

[131242313424]

I would try and add a short melody line after the first 4 bars, its kind of dry when it repeats. Good production though, you're on your way.

[Snail]

Originally Posted by tommyhayes31

Hey snail! Thanks for writing bud. Right now I'm really just focusing on the song and not a mix, but I hear what you're saying about the vocals... Needs to be much more organic indeed. Since I last posted, I've cut the beginning to one bar intro, wrote an actual mid8th (rather than the messy break I had on the track), changed the drumming pattern on verse two to a straight 4/4 with some nice hat work for movement and it really is much better, so thanks for that suggestion too guys. I've say at the keyboard, and went through all vocal melodies and created LOTS of interesting harmonies, and am now getting a tighter mix together for a bass player I hopefully have coming over on Thursday. This guy is a beast, he was In public enemy's live band, and done session work for outkast, he's crazy good!!!

Cool -- looking forward to hearing the new version!

[tommyhayes31]

Hey guys. Should have a new version up over the next couple of days. Probably by thursday!

[tommyhayes31]

Here is the latest version guys. i added shakers & a tamb, laid down a scratch acoustic guitar, added some harmonies.

The description on my soundcloud page will tell you what's left to do with the track before i get a better mix on things.

Let me know what you think! Peace in da middle east!
http://soundcloud.com/thomas-adam-ha...y-track-newest

Oh and special shout out to @hutzel - RobbHutzal.com for his suggestions. I was already onto 1 and 2 myself, but his third point about the drums... simplicity really is key and i was overdoing it. Much better once i went back and tried breakin' it down...