Being a Gearslut doesn't make you attractive to women. Solutions!

[Trakworx]

Originally Posted by wreckofdreams

I've wanted to say something about this for awhile and it seems that this is the right thread to bring it up... This forum is invaluable to me in terms of picking up advise and learning about recording, but, I find it unfortunate that Gearslutz and this thread in particular is so male dominated (to the point of it being sexist). There are plenty of women working in audio (live-sound especially) who are great engineers. It's sad to me that this forum assumes that women essentially don't count and have nothing to offer to the field of recording. Just consider the amount of women artists out there who record themselves at home making their own records! I think it would behoove of Gearslutz and it's members to make more of a conscious effort to invite more women working in audio to this forum. And to make them feel welcome!

This post makes me feel like I'm being unfairly accused of sexism.

I totally agree that women can be just as good at audio engineering as men, and there are a lot of great female AEs out there. But I don't recall seeing many (any?) GS posts that discounted women, or even mentioned gender at all for that matter (until this thread, which does indeed contain some sexist humor).

In many cases it is impossible to tell gender from a user name. Is wreckofdreams a woman or a man? How do we even know how many female GS members there are? Who cares? I don't really see how it matters when discussing gear and technique, which seems rather genderless to me.

I understand that the use of the word "he" instead of "he/she" in most posts might give the impression of women being discounted. But my understanding is that "he" is still the English standard form to use when gender is not specified, so if one fails to write "he/she" it doesn't necessarily follow that he is slighting women.

Gender-neutral pronoun - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

IMO women are already as welcome as men on GS. But if I am wrong about that, how would you suggest GS members go about inviting more women and making them feel welcome? To me on GS you are already my equal, so how do I single you out for special attention without implying that you are not already my equal?

IDK, maybe we should stop calling each other "slutz"

BTW, there is nothing stopping a woman from starting a thread about meeting men...

Please don't take this post to mean that I think there isn't sexual discrimination in the real world workplace. That is a different topic altogether.

Best,

J~

[Trakworx]

Originally Posted by joeq

why would you need the ladies to answer that question?

just ask yourself: would you feel any extra attraction to a woman who was into audio gear?

Yes.

[Humanomusician]

Originally Posted by Trakworx

This post makes me feel like I'm being unfairly accused of sexism.

I totally agree that women can be just as good at audio engineering as men, and there are a lot of great female AEs out there. But I don't recall seeing many (any?) GS posts that discounted women, or even mentioned gender at all for that matter (until this thread, which does indeed contain some sexist humor).

In many cases it is impossible to tell gender from a user name. Is wreckofdreams a woman or a man? How do we even know how many female GS members there are? Who cares? I don't really see how it matters when discussing gear and technique, which seems rather genderless to me.

I understand that the use of the word "he" instead of "he/she" in most posts might give the impression of women being discounted. But my understanding is that "he" is still the English standard form to use when gender is not specified, so if one fails to write "he/she" it doesn't necessarily follow that he is slighting women.

Gender-neutral pronoun - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

IMO women are already as welcome as men on GS. But if I am wrong about that, how would you suggest GS members go about inviting more women and making them feel welcome? To me on GS you are already my equal, so how do I single you out for special attention without implying that you are not already my equal?

IDK, maybe we should stop calling each other "slutz"

BTW, there is nothing stopping a woman from starting a thread about meeting men...

Please don't take this post to mean that I think there isn't sexual discrimination in the real world workplace. That is a different topic altogether.

Best,

J~

I have the same sentiment, except I saw the thread "un-gearslutzy things your wife said", so I can honestly say were the most racist website thinkable.

[Chagalj]

Originally Posted by techneek

Take a vintage U47, any brand, and shove it down your pants. Make sure it's the front though!

Hahaha. And maybe skip the "vintage" part when you tell her about it.

[deft_bonz]

Originally Posted by joeq

why would you need the ladies to answer that question?

just ask yourself: would you feel any extra attraction to a woman who was into audio gear?

I could answer that question myself, but to think it would cover every men and women, would be arrogant.

Because it is a totally different point of view. I know what I am attracted to, but I'd like to know if the ladies feel themself attractive thru their job. In this cases especially audio related jobs.

And then there is also a world outside of audio and gearsluttiness. I can not answer your question for men, who are not working in the music business or are related in any way to music. Are they attracted to women in the music business?

[mattsearles]

So here's the deal right.. and I know.. this is slightly pathetic..

If I'm dating a women.. at some point I'm going to start talking about some kinda gear I want.. and I will mention the price.. Now most women.. there eyes kinda do something and there like "OMG" you know.. that's a whole lot of money... and I can be broke as all hell talking about this.. and there's that truth that.. there's holes in my socks.. and I'd rather save the money for gear...

And as I say the price of the gear.. it's sorta like.. no big deal.. in some cases I might talk about how it's a bargain...

So like.. the thing is.. any women that I get involved with.. she's just going to have to understand that this is how I am and this isn't going to change... ever. If a women can't understand this.. she is the wrong women for me.

Now look.. I'll make my case about it.. I'll explain it.. explain how this has to do with the core of who I am as person..

And this may sound strange.. but I think there's a way that it is actually kind of sexy to women...

So.. I don't know.. what women are looking for probably varies with age and life stages and whatever.. and what kind of guys are out there in the mating pool.. is a part of it to.

But here I am this dude.. who at one point was showing up at professional networking events in sweat pants.. such was my gear obsession... (and I actually did very well in those networking events) but that's like sacrifice for a vision you have.. a dream you have.

So like.. I think most people in there careers are satisfied with themselves if they do work that is "good enough." For me.. this is almost like a religious affair.. where good enough just doesn't cut it.. doing really great work doesn't cut it.. the only thing that cuts it is "the magick." And the magick requires you to be humble before the mysteries of the universe...

And I think.. in the dating pools.. there's not a lot of folks with that kind of humility... or passion.. about what they are doing.. or drive.. that isn't simply about how much money you are making.. but about what you are making.

I think there's a kind of idealism in that.. that is sexy.

In fact.. along the way.. I've encountered various women whom have offered to help pay my way.. to support me.. in such a way.. that I can just buy gear and work.. because the idealism.. the whatever of it.. that I've shared with them.. is something they believe in.

And.. if we were to raise a family.. I think there's a value to that kind of idealism.. that is more golden the money.... and it helps that we live in a part of the world where.. even in this bad economy.. total destitution is... rare.

[Chagalj]

Originally Posted by mattsearles

So here's the deal right.. and I know.. this is slightly pathetic..

If I'm dating a women.. at some point I'm going to start talking about some kinda gear I want.. and I will mention the price.. Now most women.. there eyes kinda do something and there like "OMG" you know.. that's a whole lot of money... and I can be broke as all hell talking about this.. and there's that truth that.. there's holes in my socks.. and I'd rather save the money for gear...

And as I say the price of the gear.. it's sorta like.. no big deal.. in some cases I might talk about how it's a bargain...

So like.. the thing is.. any women that I get involved with.. she's just going to have to understand that this is how I am and this isn't going to change... ever. If a women can't understand this.. she is the wrong women for me.

Now look.. I'll make my case about it.. I'll explain it.. explain how this has to do with the core of who I am as person..

And this may sound strange.. but I think there's a way that it is actually kind of sexy to women...

So.. I don't know.. what women are looking for probably varies with age and life stages and whatever.. and what kind of guys are out there in the mating pool.. is a part of it to.

But here I am this dude.. who at one point was showing up at professional networking events in sweat pants.. such was my gear obsession... (and I actually did very well in those networking events) but that's like sacrifice for a vision you have.. a dream you have.

So like.. I think most people in there careers are satisfied with themselves if they do work that is "good enough." For me.. this is almost like a religious affair.. where good enough just doesn't cut it.. doing really great work doesn't cut it.. the only thing that cuts it is "the magick." And the magick requires you to be humble before the mysteries of the universe...

And I think.. in the dating pools.. there's not a lot of folks with that kind of humility... or passion.. about what they are doing.. or drive.. that isn't simply about how much money you are making.. but about what you are making.

I think there's a kind of idealism in that.. that is sexy.

In fact.. along the way.. I've encountered various women whom have offered to help pay my way.. to support me.. in such a way.. that I can just buy gear and work.. because the idealism.. the whatever of it.. that I've shared with them.. is something they believe in.

And.. if we were to raise a family.. I think there's a value to that kind of idealism.. that is more golden the money.... and it helps that we live in a part of the world where.. even in this bad economy.. total destitution is... rare.

Im sorry, but I have to agree with you. This is slightly pathetic. I can almost hear your pathetic voice when I read this.

[manysounds]

"Hey baby, I just spent 14,000 dollars upgrading my gear and I didn't have to take out a loan"

???

[CTTE]

Meh, you get old...

[kafka]

I disagree. I think anyone can learn to sing.

[Ernest Buckley]

All kidding aside, most women want a guy who is good hearted, hard working, sincere & fun. I think most audio guys fall into these categories. We have to be. The stock broker, attorney type is in their field for a reason, it requires lack of empathy and emotion at times, it requires lying at times, acting at times more than most other fields, etc... The "audio geek" is doing what he loves (sincere) and works hard at it. And he loves his work which makes him a fun guy but not necessarily the guy with the most toys or fancy cars which most women know is fast and fading. I think someone else mentioned similar thoughts above. It really comes down to becoming a person you yourself enjoy being around. Once you like yourself, women feel that and they too want to be around you. Then when you find "the one", she will accept you for who you are because you already have yourself in check and thats the point of all this.... keeping yourself in check (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually).

A guy who has control over himself in these aspects is attractive to women. When I told my wife in our first year of marriage that I needed a $2000 mic pre, she said OK. When it came, she helped me put it in the rack. When it powered up, she said "Its beautiful."

So is she.

Work on yourself to where you actually like yourself. That attracts women.

[Ernest Buckley]

Originally Posted by mattsearles

So here's the deal right.. and I know.. this is slightly pathetic..

If I'm dating a women.. at some point I'm going to start talking about some kinda gear I want.. and I will mention the price.. Now most women.. there eyes kinda do something and there like "OMG" you know.. that's a whole lot of money... and I can be broke as all hell talking about this.. and there's that truth that.. there's holes in my socks.. and I'd rather save the money for gear...

And as I say the price of the gear.. it's sorta like.. no big deal.. in some cases I might talk about how it's a bargain...

So like.. the thing is.. any women that I get involved with.. she's just going to have to understand that this is how I am and this isn't going to change... ever. If a women can't understand this.. she is the wrong women for me.

Now look.. I'll make my case about it.. I'll explain it.. explain how this has to do with the core of who I am as person..

And this may sound strange.. but I think there's a way that it is actually kind of sexy to women...

So.. I don't know.. what women are looking for probably varies with age and life stages and whatever.. and what kind of guys are out there in the mating pool.. is a part of it to.

But here I am this dude.. who at one point was showing up at professional networking events in sweat pants.. such was my gear obsession... (and I actually did very well in those networking events) but that's like sacrifice for a vision you have.. a dream you have.

So like.. I think most people in there careers are satisfied with themselves if they do work that is "good enough." For me.. this is almost like a religious affair.. where good enough just doesn't cut it.. doing really great work doesn't cut it.. the only thing that cuts it is "the magick." And the magick requires you to be humble before the mysteries of the universe...

And I think.. in the dating pools.. there's not a lot of folks with that kind of humility... or passion.. about what they are doing.. or drive.. that isn't simply about how much money you are making.. but about what you are making.

I think there's a kind of idealism in that.. that is sexy.

In fact.. along the way.. I've encountered various women whom have offered to help pay my way.. to support me.. in such a way.. that I can just buy gear and work.. because the idealism.. the whatever of it.. that I've shared with them.. is something they believe in.

And.. if we were to raise a family.. I think there's a value to that kind of idealism.. that is more golden the money.... and it helps that we live in a part of the world where.. even in this bad economy.. total destitution is... rare.

We all have our ideals and we all have to confront reality. Having $$$ allows one to stick to their own ideals a lot easier than someone who has to work 3 jobs and still make his "art" on the side.

As you mentioned, life changes as we get older for both women and men. Kids change everything, somethings for the better, somethings for the worse. Your free time is almost non-existent when you have kids and sometimes your art gets ignored for months on end if you have a full time job.

Having a family is a blessing in some ways and in others, it simply does not allow you to live "ideally". So you go with it because its all you can do and there are growing pains, misunderstandings, moments of pure joy and angst...

You get to a point where you realize something has to give, and its usually a choice between ones personal ideology (internal world) and or ones external world. This happens in the mid 30s to mid 40s for most of us and you see the separations, the divorces from "the one". You realize "the one" is actually you and not someone else.

Its all a game but we all have to decide how we`re going to play it because at the end of our day, we`re going to have to be with ourselves and thats really the whole point of it all anyway, being the best person you can be at all times which goes back to what I wrote in my previous post.

So yeah, its nice to have our own ideals about things but everyone has them and meeting someone that you want to spend your life with means that your ideals have to change at times, not because you have to because that just leads to resentment, anger and eventual demise but because you truly want to make something work. Relationships require the most work and they should, they give us back the most when done right.

[Humanomusician]

Originally Posted by Ernest Buckley

All kidding aside, most women want a guy who is good hearted, hard working, sincere & fun. I think most audio guys fall into these categories. We have to be. The stock broker, attorney type is in their field for a reason, it requires lack of empathy and emotion at times, it requires lying at times, acting at times more than most other fields, etc... The "audio geek" is doing what he loves (sincere) and works hard at it. And he loves his work which makes him a fun guy but not necessarily the guy with the most toys or fancy cars which most women know is fast and fading. I think someone else mentioned similar thoughts above. It really comes down to becoming a person you yourself enjoy being around. Once you like yourself, women feel that and they too want to be around you. Then when you find "the one", she will accept you for who you are because you already have yourself in check and thats the point of all this.... keeping yourself in check (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually).

A guy who has control over himself in these aspects is attractive to women. When I told my wife in our first year of marriage that I needed a $2000 mic pre, she said OK. When it came, she helped me put it in the rack. When it powered up, she said "Its beautiful."

So is she.

Work on yourself to where you actually like yourself. That attracts women.

You just plastered a smile to my face, and used too much hyperglue.

I lack in all four. I am missing at least three of them. I do appear yo have at least three very interwoven with my personality, and it seems like only I notice the difference, so I should be pretty attractive. To strangers, at least.

[Ernest Buckley]

Originally Posted by Humanomusician

You just plastered a smile to my face, and used too much hyperglue.

I lack in all four. I am missing at least three of them. I do appear yo have at least three very interwoven with my personality, and it seems like only I notice the difference, so I should be pretty attractive. To strangers, at least.

Glad I could help. Now I just need to heed my own advice and get back to being that person I enjoyed hanging out with! Its an upward battle everyday.

[_Ludovico]

Originally Posted by Chagalj

Hahaha. And maybe skip the "vintage" part when you tell her about it.

Definatly! Avoid anything related to "discontinued capsule" as well

[atomicohm]

Become famous.........