Impressions of Gearslutz from a newbie

[mrnemo]

I thought it would be interesting for me to give you feedback on what a typical person of average skill and intelligence has gathered from reading Gearslutz. I am a blank slate, and have literally been reading the forum 12 hours a day for the last 2 weeks.

1. Low-end gear means anything under $2000.
2. Everything made by Neumann is crap today. I mean Grade-A dog diarrhea. People only use it because of hype or because they have deals (like LA Guitar Quartet - the KM184 actually SUCKS for guitars, but they have an endorsement so they HAVE to use them...)
3. The Yamaha NS-10M is the worst speaker in the world. The sound is somewhat like putting tape over the mouths of two macaws and tasing them simultaneously (make sure they aren't flush against the wall).
4. The only monitors anyone should ever use are the ADAM A7's or maybe - JUST MAYBE - the Barefoot speakers or the Dynaudio M3's. And you really need a sub for those.
5. Avalon 737 is trash.
6. Avalon 747 is trash.
7. The Avalon M5 is OK "for bass."
8. The only mics that can be used for classical guitar are the $2500 Schoeps or some equally priced Sennheiser. Otherwise, nothing in your mic cabinet will work.
9. Teams of well-paid German, Austrian, and Russian engineers consistently miss the mark, because any piece of equipment can be modded by you for $30 in parts to make it sound "just like a Neumann XX" (vintage of course).
10. Anything with the number "500" on it is a great piece of gear.
11. Anything that says Apogee is good.
12. Anything that has a cat logo or the name of a type of cat is good.
13. The Fireface is really the only firewire interface anyone should ever consider. Everything else - EVERYTHING - belongs in the skip.
14. Why aren't you using a Mac?
15. The TLM 103 is by far the worst microphone made. It makes everything sound like Fiona Apple wrapped in carpet.
16. The TLM 49 is a close second. It makes everything sound like Barry White garggling wasps.
17. You should've gotten a Soundelux U195. God, it is so much better than any Neumann.
18. Or a Peluso 2247.
19. If it doesn't say Neve, it is crap.
20. If it doesn't say API, it is crap.
21. If it doesn't say Manley, it is crap.
22. In a "comparison post," whatever YOU own is BETTER, regardless of whether you've ever heard of it or used it, or if your gear was even listed in the OP's comparison.
23. Any piece of equipment that is available at Guitar Center or American Musical is crap, except maybe a U87, but that is junk too unless someone from GS swallows it and sh*ts it out, a technique used to simulate 40 years of delicate aging.
24. Any gear that is good must've been pulled out of a much larger object and modified to fit in a rack by the actual person that designed it.
25. Trident is now crap.
26. The jury is still out on Toft, but we're pretty sure it is crap since it is often mentioned in the same breath as Joe Meek.
27. Did I mention that Genelec makes the WORST monitors in the world? Just absolute horse-sh*t.
28. Anything touched by Joly is better than any mic ever created, including a vintage U47.
29. Anything that starts with a G is a good piece of gear (Great River, Grace, Golden Age, Gefell, Grado) EXCEPT Genelec, of course.
30. There is no gear - NONE - worse than Mackie. Mackie is worse than late 80's Nady gear. The HR824's woofers are made of goat dung and the tweeters are made from the severed wings of demon locusts, and to dare use anything with a Mackie pre will summon brutish beasts from Netherworld who will feast on the souls of your family.
31. Bring your lunchbox everywhere, because no commercial studio has anything that competes with the 512c.
32. U87's are not compatible with anything made by Universal Audio (which is all crap anyway, just unusable)
33. The Shure SM7 is awesome... BUT IT BETTER BE AN A/B/(no letter).

All in good fun, people. I am new to the forums and can't imagine that so many talented (and apparently insanely wealthy and successful) people are on this forum, including industry leaders, designers, and engineers. It's a great forum.

Feel free to add lessons I missed.

Thanks for all the great info - it's been a roller coaster ride so far.

[macr0w]

I've been on here for years.

I'd say that about sums it up.

[Silver Sonya]

Other than 27 being wrong because 29 is true, I'd say you got it about right.

- c

[sahiaman]

LOL. Best newbie post ever!

[JoaT]

Pretty much sums it up for my experience too. But there was a distinct lack in anything considering converters on that list.

By the way, all this talk can be taken with more than one grain of salt. I'm looking forward to make some good sounding music with my studio. And as far as it's concerned, it's pretty much made out of the most extreme in pariah-class crap that's ever been manufactured by anyone if you ask the general opinion here.Check out the gear if you want. It's at the "nineties studio" link on my sig.

[Beyersound]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

I thought it would be interesting for me to give you feedback on what a typical person of average skill and intelligence has gathered from reading Gearslutz. I am a blank slate, and have literally been reading the forum 12 hours a day for the last 2 weeks.

1. Low-end gear means anything under $2000.
2. Everything made by Neumann is crap today. I mean Grade-A dog diarrhea. People only use it because of hype or because they have deals (like LA Guitar Quartet - the KM184 actually SUCKS for guitars, but they have an endorsement so they HAVE to use them...)
3. The Yamaha NS-10M is the worst speaker in the world. The sound is somewhat like putting tape over the mouths of two macaws and tasing them simultanously (make sure they aren't flush against the wall).
4. The only monitor anyone should ever use as a monitor is the ADAM A7 or maybe - MAYBE - the Barefoot speakers or any Dynaudio's that cost over $1700 a set. And you really need a sub.
5. Avalon 737 is trash.
6. Avalon 747 is trash.
7. The Avalon M5 is OK "for bass."
8. The only mics that can be used for classical guitar are the $2500 Schoeps or some equally priced Sennheiser. Otherwise, nothing in your mic cabinet will work.
9. Teams of well-paid German, Austrian, and Russian engineers consistently miss the mark, because any piece of equipment can be modded by you for $30 in parts to make it sound "just like a Neumann XX" (vintage of course).
10. Anything with the number "500" on it is a great piece of gear.
11. Anything that says Apogee is good.
12. Anything that has a cat logo or the name of a type of cat is good.
13. The Fireface is really the only firewire interface anyone should ever consider. Everything else - EVERYTHING - belongs in the skip.
14. Why aren't you using a Mac?
15. The TLM 103 is by far the worst microphone made. It makes everything sound like Fiona Apple wrapped in carpet.
16. The TLM 49 is a close second. It makes everything sound like Barry White garggling wasps.
17. You should've gotten a Soundelux U195. God, it is so much better than any Neumann.
18. Or a Peluso 2247.
19. If it doesn't say Neve, it is crap.
20. If it doesn't say API, it is crap.
21. If it doesn't say Manley, it is crap.
22. Anything made by Joe Meek is crap.
23. Any piece of equipment that is available at Guitar Center or American Musical is crap, except maybe a U87, but that is junk too unless someone from GS swallows it and sh*ts it out, a technique used to simulate 40 years of delicate aging.
24. Any gear that is good must've been pulled out of a much larger object and modified to fit in a rack by the actual person that designed it.
25. Trident is now crap.
26. The jury is still out on Toft, but we're pretty sure it is crap since it is often mentioned in the same breath as Joe Meek.
27. Did I mention that Genelec makes the WORST monitors in the world? Just absolute horse-sh*t.
28. Anything touched by Joly is better than any mic ever created, including a vintage U47.
29. Anything that starts with a G is a good piece of gear (Great River, Grace, Golden Age, Gefell, Grado)
30. There is no gear - NONE - worse than Mackie. Mackie is worse than late 80's Nady gear. The HR824's woofers are made of goat dung and the tweeters are made from the severed wings of demon locusts, and to dare use anything with a Mackie pre will summon brutish beasts from Netherworld who will feast on your dark soul.
31. Bring your lunchbox everywhere, because no commercial studio has anything that competes with the 512c.
32. U87's are not compatible with anything made by Universal Audio (which is all crap anyway, just unusable)
33. The Shure SM7 is awesome... BUT IT BETTER BE AN A/B/(no letter).

All in good fun, people. I am new to the forums and can't imagine that so many talented (and apparently insanely wealthy and successful) people are on this forum, including industry leaders, designers, and engineers. It's a great forum.

Feel free to add lessons I missed.

Thanks for all the great info - it's been a roller coaster ride so far.

Seems you are coming around nicely. Welcome to GS where everything at one point or another sucks! It is amazing that anyone can actually do audio around here with all of this lame gear!

[mrnemo]

LOL I just noticed that and edited it!! hah

Originally Posted by Silver Sonya

Other than 27 being wrong because 29 is true, I'd say you got it about right.

- c

[smoore98]

Excellent!!!

when I read #24, I was ROFL! Great one. Please continue.....

[Infernal Device]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

have literally been reading the forum 12 hours a day for the last 2 weeks.

whoa.

[Keystone]

That's a pretty great post Mrnemo.
Sums up everything exceptionally well.
Should be a first read post for anyone seeking an opinion or advice.
"The 33 rules of Gearslutz gear"
Definately reference material for the archives.

[opentune]

Seems like the forum can be shut down now. Excellent post!

[piotr]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

[...] garggling wasps. [...]

! I was wondering how to accomplish this effect !

p.

[The Dutch Master]

one of the post-producers came in while I was laughing at your post and he started reading with me and we were both rolling here

Great post!

[jchas]

Other than the standard disclaimer of YMMV I think you've pretty much condensed thousands of posts into one easy to follow, laymans terms type review. Thank you. Perhaps a Sticky is in order.

[dafe]

Good and meticulously fabricated fun.
I consider #14 as something pivotal.
(Did you ever hear from the knights of "Ni"?)

Oh. Don't miss the "why can't SOME of you stay ON TOPIC..." thread.
It's in the moan zoan.

[Stepwise Sound]

You pretty much nailed it

[Steffmo]

Whats the possibility of getting all this reduced to aan easily digestable pill. You kinow....like a One A Day vitamine.

Would save us all a lot of time.

Be a great revenue stre
am for Jules.....

[mrnemo]

Changed 22 to:

22. In a "comparison post," whatever YOU own is BETTER, regardless of whether you've ever heard of it or used it, or if your gear was even listed in the OP's comparison.

This is such valueless information to me. I often specifically look up these comparisons, which are based generally on price points and similarities. Say Avalon 747 vs UA 610 -

OP: "Dude, I saw this Avalon 747 at a pawn shop. I can totally score it by trading in my b*tchin 80's Charvel. It's hand chiseled out of the ash of Pompeii victims, it rocks so HARD. OR, this other dude really wants my Behringer headphone mixer. It is really rare, it is from like 1994. He'll trade it straight for an LA-610. Which one would be best for recording my snowmobile with my MLX LDC?"

GS1: "Dude, nothing sucks nuts like Avalon. I don't have one, but I have the Universal Audio. Dude, just look at it. The Avalon has too many lights. The 610 doesn't need an EQ because it automatically adjusts EQ for whatever source you put in it. I have a friend that used the 747 it to record cheese, and there was so much noise. And the compressor blows, if it has a compressor."

GS2: "Whatever, you dudes are whack. I used an Avalon with Rod Stewart and his phlegm was so silky, like cream of wheat mixed with Count Chocula. I used them before they even existed. Bro, everyone knows you can't use a Neumann on a 610. So if you want the real deal, get an API or Manley all the way bro!!!"

GS3: "Dog you ain't right I use AKG on my bros we got bell choir and we use M-AUDIO dems TIGHT, nobody use avlon anymore they suck get Behringer Truth monitors they better than getting preamp"

GS4: "Sir, you need to treat your room. That is your problem."

[CapnMarvel]

Brilliant. Thanks for putting this place in its...erm...place.

[Fletcher]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

have literally been reading the forum 12 hours a day for the last 2 weeks

Almost as good as "Hulu" for turning your brain into mush...

[Iggy Poop]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

I am a blank slate, and have literally been reading the forum 12 hours a day for the last 2 weeks.

12 hours? that doesn't leave much time for porn surfing?

[platypipros]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

GS4: "Sir, you need to treat your room. That is your problem."

can i put this in my signature line....

[Crash]

Originally Posted by sahiaman

LOL. Best newbie post ever!

Word!

[Smithcok]

Bravissississimo!

[DeBasement]

Awesome post. I'm just not sure about #30: Nothing is worse than Mackie.


At first, I thought "Surely he means Behringer..". But then I thought, "Wow, maybe he learned the other most important rule: Never Say Behringer. Just say 'the B word' and tremble in fear, or substitute the name of some other low end turd polisher, or execretory compound'.

Still. I think maybe the B-word That Dare Not Speak Its Name deserves at least a glancing mention...

[mrnemo]

Originally Posted by Iggy Poop

12 hours? that doesn't leave much time for porn surfing?

OK, maybe not 12 hours straight. But seriously, I am a computer guy so I am on the box all day and all night. There is a lot of downtime waiting for X to send an email to Y so Z can begin doing A. Man, speaking of that, yeah, there's always room for porn. Multi-task, bro! No sex in the control room.

I get my exercise from playing Punch Out

[big country]

I dare you to spend two weeks reading the Gs political forums

Annalise on that

[mrnemo]

See, this is what my newbie brain thought, but I swear, in every post that even considers Mackie that I've seen, the abuse has been either subtle or fierce. Honestly, I can't believe it. I have a 32.8 that I used for years and people went googoo-gaagaa over it. And one of my favorite sounding albums ever was recorded and mixed on HR624 MK1. My perhaps too subtle point is that the standards on this site are so ridiculously high that Mackie has become Behringer.

As far as the B word, I was going to make that the last point, and I forgot. I was going to mention that it is unmentionable, as you suggested, except one piece of equipment that you guys seem to like, but I can't find the post where it was praised (some device that you must buy 4 of because they break so consistently). I have a BCF2000 that I use here and it is a turd, but find me something else for $200 with motorized faders.

Originally Posted by DeBasement

Awesome post. I'm just not sure about #30: Nothing is worse than Mackie.


At first, I thought "Surely he means Behringer..". But then I thought, "Wow, maybe he learned the other most important rule: Never Say Behringer. Just say 'the B word' and tremble in fear, or substitute the name of some other low end turd polisher, or execretory compound'.

Still. I think maybe the B-word That Dare Not Speak Its Name deserves at least a glancing mention...

[Sqye]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

{snip]...12. Anything that has a cat logo or the name of a type of cat is good...{snip]

Thanks for all the great info. ...{snip]

#12 (above) is actually the only thing on your list i agree with.


...oh, and you're VERY welcome for the info...

.

[big country]

Originally Posted by Sqye

.

#12 above is actually the only thing i agree with in your list.


...and you're VERY welcome for the info...

.

bravo!