Impressions of Gearslutz from a newbie

[Storyville]

Originally Posted by OVERNIGHT

Slut migration is a common and fickle.

Something about his phrase just forces me to think of it out of context.

[newyorkbrass]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

As far as the B word, I was going to make that the last point, and I forgot. I was going to mention that it is unmentionable, as you suggested, except one piece of equipment that you guys seem to like, but I can't find the post where it was praised (some device that you must buy 4 of because they break so consistently). I have a BCF2000 that I use here and it is a turd, but find me something else for $200 with motorized faders.

I LOVE THIS POST MAN!

The circular contradiction reference "Anything made by Neuman is crap" and "All mics should sound like Neuman" is AWESOME.

"Behringher sucks, Behringer are thiefs, If you plug in a Behringher your studio will blow up in eternal flames."

Assuming that even changing a single thing in the audio chain involves - going, ordering, buying, unwrapping, linking, wiring, plugging, reading the manual, pressing all the buttons, fiddling, listening, comparing, writing, asking, recording a piano, a guitar, a car, a chainsaw a guitar again, now in stereo, now in mid-side, back to mono, Saxophone, ok guitar again, repack, find a dusty corner etc etc - one could calculate the busyisity factor for the slut based on ratio of new posts about new equipment during a time period...

[pwpi]

Originally Posted by opentune

Seems like the forum can be shut down now. Excellent post!

HAHAHAHAHA! Best post ever!

[DreamSound]

Today, I've been here for the past like 8 hours trying to find info to help me choose my next vocal microphone and, yeah, spot on my cyber-comedian bud. Thanks for the good laugh.

[kheftel]

Funniest post I've read in a long time. Great job!

[Flaqs]

Ok, I was just about to post a "suggestions?" for a high end interface but, after reading this post I'm actually SCARED!

I just bought an Avalon 737 which, according to this post, SUCKS! Apparently my ears are tasteless but I actually liked its clarity and natural sound...

Anyhow, I'm a vocalist and have been recording professionally for the past 20 years. I'm majorly upgrading my studio to track only vocals from home and need suggestions on best possible gear.

This is what I currently use:

- AKG 414 EB (I was actually considering upgrading to a U87 - apparently big mistake according to this post) Should I get the U87 or not?
- AVALON 737 (I just purchased this - apparently big mistake according to this post) Should I return it?
- APOGEE ONE (I need a high end interface asap!)
- MAC COMPUTER
- I don't use a console and don't really want/need one since I wont be mixing at all in my studio.

I've used many mics, preamps and interfaces in different studios throughout the years but now I'd love to hear what your suggestions are if I want a high end setup for just vocals. I was actually considering the U87 because I've used it but would love to hear your thoughts on other options. I also have been looking at the METRIC HALO ULN-2 interface. It seems to have exactly what I need since I don't have or want a console. I would need an interface that would have a Monitor control and a Headphones Control. I don't need more that 2 ch. Quality is my main concern.

Thanks in advance for your comments/suggestions.

F.

[bee]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

I thought it would be interesting for me to give you feedback on what a typical person of average skill and intelligence has gathered from reading Gearslutz. I am a blank slate, and have literally been reading the forum 12 hours a day for the last 2 weeks.

1. Low-end gear means anything under $2000.
2. Everything made by Neumann is crap today. I mean Grade-A dog diarrhea. People only use it because of hype or because they have deals (like LA Guitar Quartet - the KM184 actually SUCKS for guitars, but they have an endorsement so they HAVE to use them...)
3. The Yamaha NS-10M is the worst speaker in the world. The sound is somewhat like putting tape over the mouths of two macaws and tasing them simultaneously (make sure they aren't flush against the wall).
4. The only monitors anyone should ever use are the ADAM A7's or maybe - JUST MAYBE - the Barefoot speakers or the Dynaudio M3's. And you really need a sub for those.
5. Avalon 737 is trash.
6. Avalon 747 is trash.
7. The Avalon M5 is OK "for bass."
8. The only mics that can be used for classical guitar are the $2500 Schoeps or some equally priced Sennheiser. Otherwise, nothing in your mic cabinet will work.
9. Teams of well-paid German, Austrian, and Russian engineers consistently miss the mark, because any piece of equipment can be modded by you for $30 in parts to make it sound "just like a Neumann XX" (vintage of course).
10. Anything with the number "500" on it is a great piece of gear.
11. Anything that says Apogee is good.
12. Anything that has a cat logo or the name of a type of cat is good.
13. The Fireface is really the only firewire interface anyone should ever consider. Everything else - EVERYTHING - belongs in the skip.
14. Why aren't you using a Mac?
15. The TLM 103 is by far the worst microphone made. It makes everything sound like Fiona Apple wrapped in carpet.
16. The TLM 49 is a close second. It makes everything sound like Barry White garggling wasps.
17. You should've gotten a Soundelux U195. God, it is so much better than any Neumann.
18. Or a Peluso 2247.
19. If it doesn't say Neve, it is crap.
20. If it doesn't say API, it is crap.
21. If it doesn't say Manley, it is crap.
22. In a "comparison post," whatever YOU own is BETTER, regardless of whether you've ever heard of it or used it, or if your gear was even listed in the OP's comparison.
23. Any piece of equipment that is available at Guitar Center or American Musical is crap, except maybe a U87, but that is junk too unless someone from GS swallows it and sh*ts it out, a technique used to simulate 40 years of delicate aging.
24. Any gear that is good must've been pulled out of a much larger object and modified to fit in a rack by the actual person that designed it.
25. Trident is now crap.
26. The jury is still out on Toft, but we're pretty sure it is crap since it is often mentioned in the same breath as Joe Meek.
27. Did I mention that Genelec makes the WORST monitors in the world? Just absolute horse-sh*t.
28. Anything touched by Joly is better than any mic ever created, including a vintage U47.
29. Anything that starts with a G is a good piece of gear (Great River, Grace, Golden Age, Gefell, Grado) EXCEPT Genelec, of course.
30. There is no gear - NONE - worse than Mackie. Mackie is worse than late 80's Nady gear. The HR824's woofers are made of goat dung and the tweeters are made from the severed wings of demon locusts, and to dare use anything with a Mackie pre will summon brutish beasts from Netherworld who will feast on the souls of your family.
31. Bring your lunchbox everywhere, because no commercial studio has anything that competes with the 512c.
32. U87's are not compatible with anything made by Universal Audio (which is all crap anyway, just unusable)
33. The Shure SM7 is awesome... BUT IT BETTER BE AN A/B/(no letter).

All in good fun, people. I am new to the forums and can't imagine that so many talented (and apparently insanely wealthy and successful) people are on this forum, including industry leaders, designers, and engineers. It's a great forum.

Feel free to add lessons I missed.

Thanks for all the great info - it's been a roller coaster ride so far.

This is still my favorite gearslutz post ever.

[BFrederick]

damn dude.. you nailed it. RIGHT ON THE HEAD OF THE NAIL.

nuff said. I'm goin to bed.


thanks man. Now I don't feel bad for not commenting on anything anymore. You proved there's nothing left to say.

[PdotDdot]

Perhaps we should have a spinoff forum and call it GearSucks!

[Mark Kaufman]

Don't forget to chant these all-important eternal reiterations:

-Use your ears
-Do a search

[D K]

Had never seen this....

Brilliant.. just... Brilliant

...and #30 is CLASSIC man....

[fastlanestoner]

this is great!

my first reaction was the depth and wealth of information that abounds here.

[Don S]

Your post is a great start! Feel free to edit if ever the tide turns! Aren't you glad you are not one of the people that got a deal on a TLM103 at banjo center and now trying to unload it on fleabay at half the price?

[hernandezmaryann]

NIce post.post some more.

[erikdrink]

Haha

[filipv]

This one is driving me NUTS:

34. All daws sound/sum the same, except Reason which sounds like crap.

[Aeolian]

Originally Posted by Mark Kaufman

Don't forget to chant these all-important eternal reiterations:

-Use your ears
-Do a search

Add to this "Treat your room".

My favorites are the pre-emptive "My room is already treated". Which could mean anything from hanging some blankets to a real acoustician coming in, locating all the modes and dealing with them.

[mamabuna]

now I am to scared to buy any gear..maybe I should treat my room

[KHAN]

[trashman]

Originally Posted by D K

Had never seen this....

Brilliant.. just... Brilliant

...and #30 is CLASSIC man....

Especially when people like Charlie Clouser readily admit to mixing so many remixes on Mackie boards. It's just nuts

[energizer bunny]

Originally Posted by KHAN

Hahahahaha. Never saw this thread before. Massive respect for the effort put into those posts. Classic.

[Jeezo]

Excellent post ....in fact in GS like in other forums you have to have a "decoder" understand here a sort of filter/skipper/"take your distance" thing .....

You can hear everything and its opposite ....some statement that are done by people that don't know a thing about it and some by REAL pros ...as soon as you're aware of that and know what info to consider and witch one to skip ...you're ok ....

But still a great place with great people and a mega database !!

fav : 10,14...22...24......wait ...all !!

[Nathanael PCB]

Great sense of humor. I'm actually rather interested in your taste in music mrnemo. Do go on.

[Kestral]

Other than #3, I think you nailed it.
There's quite a few of us here who love NS-10's.

[chriscasino]

Originally Posted by steelyfan

I loved the Pompeii bit, f----in funny.

It's 8am here in Chicago: this entire post just woke me completely up with a ******** case of giggles on the shuttle bus to work. Good job - best analyzation post/poke fun read I've seen in regards to equipment EVAR...!

[mattg082]

Hahaha awesome! Also in there should be the post about what should I spend my money on? How many times have we went over this? There's only so much gear out there and it's common sense if you do a search.

Another is the don't ask what chain a famous person is using or you get the typical gearslutz snob response...what, you think you can make a hit just because so and so..it's like shut up and just answer the question!

Another great one is "how do I eq this kick, bass, guitar ect?" Typical gearslutz response, "you have to use your ears, no set eq basics are right" Again at least give the guy an idea to sweep and listen in! It's better to have a outline than nothing at all to a clueless newbie.

Just remember, just cause you know a lot doesn't mean everyone else does!

oh and let's not forget some greatest hits like...everything is shit unless you spend 2,000+ on room treatment first even though you are just laying down VO with a sm7 and doing everything in the box.

[coffeecup77]

Hilarious ! Gotta try recording cheese one day ...

I wonder : what has the newbie become ?

Cheers.

[Looneytune]

Would have to agree this is the best post ever!!!

Ha ha ha great work my man!
I am sitting here thinking how true this is!
Well done sir!
Sorry I am not sure I seen SSL being referred to at all?
I was waiting for that

[sscannon]

That's certainly a nice list. It would translate better if you treat your room, though. :-)

[valerianroot]

Originally Posted by -Josh-

You forgot #34:

34. The AKG C1000 is the worst microphone in all of history. There's no way that anyone can get a good sound out of it for any source, and if you think you can make a good recording with it, it's because you're an amateur and an idiot. The gods have spoken.

I'm sure I read somewhere that Sufjan Stevens used nothing but C1000's and SM57's for a couple of (his better imo) albums.

I'm pleased with mine whether that's true or not.