Impressions of Gearslutz from a newbie

[mrnemo]

I forgot to mention that not just ANY GS can do this. It requires years of careful experience. What is it that Rupert Neve said? Well, it applies in this scenario as well. Also, certain GS members will add different "color" to the final product. Why do you think there are so many black Neumann's floating around? And why do you think NOBODY wants them? Yeah. They know the truth.

Originally Posted by *CISKO*

"23. Any piece of equipment that is available at Guitar Center or American Musical is crap, except maybe a U87, but that is junk too unless someone from GS swallows it and sh*ts it out, a technique used to simulate 40 years of delicate aging. "

the trick to this is to actually take it apart, swallow every component, assemble in inside your stomach by flexing you muscles and sh*t out an assembled one, its the only way of giving it the right amount of "grit"!

seriously thanx so much for this post!

[Sqye]

Originally Posted by RKrizman

In that case, who wants to buy a TLM-103 or a pair of 737's?

-R

.

lol

trade you for a charvel jackson, mxl ldc, crate transistor bass amp, and zoom pedal...

...oh, and two 1995 samson headphone distribution boxes...

.

[deeper]

What a hilarious OP. Great job!

(Don't tell anybody I use Mackie HR-824's and love them or that my TLM-103 sounds really great on my voice -- I don't want my Slutz membership revoked...)

[MonoBrow]

Originally Posted by deeper

What a hilarious OP. Great job!

(Don't tell anybody I use Mackie HR-824's and love them or that my TLM-103 sounds really great on my voice -- I don't want my Slutz membership revoked...)

[piotr]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

I forgot to mention that not just ANY GS can do this. It requires years of careful experience. What is it that Rupert Neve said? Well, it applies in this scenario as well. Also, certain GS members will add different "color" to the final product. Why do you think there are so many black Neumann's floating around? And why do you think NOBODY wants them? Yeah. They know the truth.

I am pretty sure this is tied directly to the GS post count.
We all know that you need to be in the thousands in order to authoritatively produce QUALITY.

;-)

p.

[Fletcher]

piotr your post count is at 666... you need to stop posting now.

piotr
Lives for gear



Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 666

[mrnemo]

So I guess he no longer "picks up the phone if you call Mackie," eh? The sales guy I worked with 10 years ago used to tell everyone that.

Originally Posted by Bryan Talbot

Add Gordon to #29 (G-names)



(post-Greg) Mackie earned it.

[Beyersound]

Originally Posted by Iggy Poop

12 hours? that doesn't leave much time for porn surfing?

At least his hands are callous free, except for the mouse imprint!

[radlid]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

6. Avalon 747 is trash.

22. In a "comparison post," whatever YOU own is BETTER, regardless of whether you've ever heard of it or used it, or if your gear was even listed in the OP's comparison.

As a Avalon 747 owner/fan(yes one of the few) I have to disagree with #6 because #22 is accurate.

I love your post man, very intelligent and funny. One of the best...

[dbbubba]

If you have been around this business long enough you'll learn that opinions change.
Mine have MANY times!

In fact, most every piece of equipment you name has been considered obsolete or no good at one point during my thirty-three years of audio observations.
If you wonder why I include newer pieces it is because they are seldom actually "new" designs.
Most new and cool designs are copies on old circuits with maybe a few different components or possibly a hybrid.
People just don't know much about the actual circuitry used in the design of equipment, so opinions rarely take this into account.

Some people have made some nice money off of these supposed truths, too!
Ask Dan Alexander to explain this phenomena.

[mrgrooves666]

forgot to add one of the favorite GS phrases in all times...

"I patched my (insert here any slut gear) in the chain and I was BLOWN AWAY!"

[Sqye]

Originally Posted by radlid

As a Avalon 747 owner/fan(yes one of the few) I have to disagree with #6 [snip]...

.

747 owner.?......really?....damn, you gotta take me for a ride, bro...

...betcha can really STRETCH OUT on wunnuh those things ...in private...



.

[Jamzone]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

My perhaps too subtle point is that the standards on this site are so ridiculously high that Mackie has become Behringer.

I would suggest a listen to the audio examples fluctuating on this site before making such assumptions.

[Scott Shane]

mrnemo,
Very funny stuff. That's a good starting list but you've got a few more weeks of studying to really get the full depth and breadth of GS. Here's a few suggested readings to continue your learning process:
1. ITB vs OTB
2. Tape vs Disk
3. Plugins vs Hardware
4. AD, DA
5. 44, 48, 88, 96
6. Live vs Lip Synch
7. "What's the best........?"
8. The Music Industry is Dead
9. The Music Industry is Reborn
10. My Studio Build
11. Studio Porn
12. "Why is this in High End?"

Just a few ideas to get you fully briefed. Now I can't wait to read your next list

[mobius.media]

Originally Posted by Jamzone

I would suggest a listen to the audio examples fluctuating on this site before making such assumptions.

I for one would love to hear a modern pro recording tracked, mixed, and mastered with only budget gear and plugins in an untreated basement.

Sadly, no one has been able to produce one I am aware of, except perhaps in genres where all music is virtual in origin.

I wonder why that is.

[norman_nomad]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

Changed 22 to:

22. In a "comparison post," whatever YOU own is BETTER, regardless of whether you've ever heard of it or used it, or if your gear was even listed in the OP's comparison.

This is such valueless information to me. I often specifically look up these comparisons, which are based generally on price points and similarities. Say Avalon 747 vs UA 610 -

OP: "Dude, I saw this Avalon 747 at a pawn shop. I can totally score it by trading in my b*tchin 80's Charvel. It's hand chiseled out of the ash of Pompeii victims, it rocks so HARD. OR, this other dude really wants my Behringer headphone mixer. It is really rare, it is from like 1994. He'll trade it straight for an LA-610. Which one would be best for recording my snowmobile with my MLX LDC?"

GS1: "Dude, nothing sucks nuts like Avalon. I don't have one, but I have the Universal Audio. Dude, just look at it. The Avalon has too many lights. The 610 doesn't need an EQ because it automatically adjusts EQ for whatever source you put in it. I have a friend that used the 747 it to record cheese, and there was so much noise. And the compressor blows, if it has a compressor."

GS2: "Whatever, you dudes are whack. I used an Avalon with Rod Stewart and his phlegm was so silky, like cream of wheat mixed with Count Chocula. I used them before they even existed. Bro, everyone knows you can't use a Neumann on a 610. So if you want the real deal, get an API or Manley all the way bro!!!"

GS3: "Dog you ain't right I use AKG on my bros we got bell choir and we use M-AUDIO dems TIGHT, nobody use avlon anymore they suck get Behringer Truth monitors they better than getting preamp"

GS4: "Sir, you need to treat your room. That is your problem."

LOL. Epic first post dude. You nailed it.

[Jamzone]

Originally Posted by mobius.media

I for one would love to hear a modern pro recording tracked, mixed, and mastered with only budget gear and plugins in an untreated basement.

Sadly, no one has been able to produce one I am aware of, except perhaps in genres where all music is virtual in origin.

I wonder why that is.

Ironic warning!!

[macr0w]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

GS2: "Whatever, you dudes are whack. I used an Avalon with Rod Stewart and his phlegm was so silky, like cream of wheat mixed with Count Chocula.

I'm sorry I had to quote this again.

It brings back memories of Walters.

[mrnemo]

Originally Posted by deeper

What a hilarious OP. Great job!

(Don't tell anybody I use Mackie HR-824's and love them or that my TLM-103 sounds really great on my voice -- I don't want my Slutz membership revoked...)

I am going to get some HR824s and a TLM 103 next week - SHHHHH!!

[JulianFernandez]

Great post! It was really funny!

[H-Rezz]

Great and funny first post ....

Cann't believed you missed how Nickelback is the worst band in history, with a singer that cann't sing or write songs , and a band that cann't play with the worst production ever , selling 30milion albums is just good marketing

[Guitar Zero]

Originally Posted by macr0w

Hey man there is a band called the Guitar Zeros.

My next door neighbor's brother is the head Zero.

I'm just one of many in the world. Oh to be a true guitar hero...

[James Lehmann]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

I am going to get some HR824s and a TLM 103 next week

Get in quick before FleaBay prices go through the roof on those two classic 'Slutpicks'.

One day they will pass into the 'so-bad-they're-now-highly-sought-after' category where the Alesis 3630 has reigned supreme for many years.

[Number 6]

I love GS, days are a little brighter with it in your life - but you have to... kind of see through a lot of stuff, as you pointed out in post 1

There's a comedy sketch (or 3) in there somewhere. I always have visions of an empty street, a piece of gear falls from the sky, then like a whirlwind whipping round... images of people pissing and moaning about the piece of gear on the floor (whilst clutching purses and handbags)... think Monty Python!

There are myths abound... so, a few to add to your list;

1) Oh my GOD, it's LOADED with IC's!

2) New Neve (88 series) gear is crap. See above.

3) All SSL's are good for is the automation and routing.

4) Don't touch the SSL X-Logic range with a barge pole. If you want the bus compressor, only the 1st issue FX G384 is worth bothering with.

Having said that, there is a lot of good stuff to be found on GS. I'm just having a bit of fun with the comments.

[KillerV]

Completely and utterly amazing piece of writing. mrnemo, my friend, you have arrived. In your first post you already have the understanding and wisdom that took me many months to get. That should become something like the 10 Commandments in terms of audio production. People should no longer tell a noob to use the search-funtion, they should tell them to read your post. In fact, we shouldn't have a search-function anymore - just a link to your post.

You could maybe add this:

Some pieces start out great and then turn to crap, even though their designs never changed. Example: FMR Audio RNP. In the beginning it was something amazing - the cheapest way to get a pro sound/sounding as good as stuff 3 times its price. Now there are zillions of pre's half the price (many that were around at the the RNP came out, also with no design changes) that sound better and win shootouts left and right, with hundreds claiming the RNP is now "boring". Same with Genelec monitors, Mackie boards. I fear the next victim of this dreadful condition will be the ADAM A7.

The knowledge of its name will make a piece of gear sound better and/or prove that a shootout was flawed. No, it doesn't matter if the cheap piece won the shootout and everyone voted for it. It turns to crap anyway as soon as the results become known.

OTB rules and plugins suck. Just the fact that someone questions it shows just how stupid they are and that their ears are stuffed with crap. Let's face it: the only reason some of the top legendary guys go ITB is because they need to keep themselves busy and the only way to do that is by trying to make crap like this sound good.

Just about anything is "OK for bass". Even a cheap toob pre.

Behringer is the devil. Anyone following their same practices are OK because they were just tricked into it by the devil.

The SM57 is a pro mic. On second though.... No, it's not but everyone is so used to that sound that we all will have to keep using it.

^ (All in good humor, of course. GS is like taking drugs: It's bad for you and your finances, but it feels so good and it makes you so cool. And you learn the truth the hard way.)

[RTR]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

Changed 22 to:

22. In a "comparison post," whatever YOU own is BETTER, regardless of whether you've ever heard of it or used it, or if your gear was even listed in the OP's comparison.

This is such valueless information to me. I often specifically look up these comparisons, which are based generally on price points and similarities. Say Avalon 747 vs UA 610 -

OP: "Dude, I saw this Avalon 747 at a pawn shop. I can totally score it by trading in my b*tchin 80's Charvel. It's hand chiseled out of the ash of Pompeii victims, it rocks so HARD. OR, this other dude really wants my Behringer headphone mixer. It is really rare, it is from like 1994. He'll trade it straight for an LA-610. Which one would be best for recording my snowmobile with my MLX LDC?"

GS1: "Dude, nothing sucks nuts like Avalon. I don't have one, but I have the Universal Audio. Dude, just look at it. The Avalon has too many lights. The 610 doesn't need an EQ because it automatically adjusts EQ for whatever source you put in it. I have a friend that used the 747 it to record cheese, and there was so much noise. And the compressor blows, if it has a compressor."

GS2: "Whatever, you dudes are whack. I used an Avalon with Rod Stewart and his phlegm was so silky, like cream of wheat mixed with Count Chocula. I used them before they even existed. Bro, everyone knows you can't use a Neumann on a 610. So if you want the real deal, get an API or Manley all the way bro!!!"

GS3: "Dog you ain't right I use AKG on my bros we got bell choir and we use M-AUDIO dems TIGHT, nobody use avlon anymore they suck get Behringer Truth monitors they better than getting preamp"

GS4: "Sir, you need to treat your room. That is your problem."

This is great..but shouldn't Truth be TRUFH!!

[jaykay]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

The Yamaha NS-10M is the worst speaker in the world. The sound is somewhat like putting tape over the mouths of two macaws and tasing them simultaneously (make sure they aren't flush against the wall).

Gotta say, love this. Your word creativity is a sight rarely seen on these boards (well, that's not exactly true) but still, I love it.

[swafford]

The OP neglected my favorite GSism:

"Your clip sounds thin on my laptop speakers."

[CoteRotie]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

As far as the B word, I was going to make that the last point, and I forgot. I was going to mention that it is unmentionable, as you suggested, except one piece of equipment that you guys seem to like, .

You're one of us now, so it's "except one piece of equipment that WE seem to like" not "you guys".

And I think you are referring to the V-Verb: Behringer V-verb...


Seems like the headphone amp gets some respect around here too. I hate all the B stuff personally, but the irresistable force of GS made me go out and get 2 of the V-Verbs.

Great post, thanks!

John

[CoteRotie]

Originally Posted by macr0w

I'm sorry I had to quote this again.

It brings back memories of Walters.

We need a seperate thread to pay homage to all the GS characters from the past. Walters, Blender, etc.

Regards,

John