Impressions of Gearslutz from a newbie

[Corran]

LOL.

The one Behringer piece I think you are talking about is the FX unit, the V-Verb.

[mrnemo]

Originally Posted by Corran

LOL.

The one Behringer piece I think you are talking about is the FX unit, the V-Verb.

That was it!!!

I celebrated the entire catalog in my earlier days, because I sold all of their stuff at a retail store. "I'll put the Behringer right next to the Mackie. All my boys in Nashville use it. Kenny Loggins used it on his new album. All my churches use this."

[macr0w]

This is just about the funniest post I've read in the last 5+ years I've been reading this board.

Originally Posted by mrnemo

Changed 22 to:

22. In a "comparison post," whatever YOU own is BETTER, regardless of whether you've ever heard of it or used it, or if your gear was even listed in the OP's comparison.

This is such valueless information to me. I often specifically look up these comparisons, which are based generally on price points and similarities. Say Avalon 747 vs UA 610 -

OP: "Dude, I saw this Avalon 747 at a pawn shop. I can totally score it by trading in my b*tchin 80's Charvel. It's hand chiseled out of the ash of Pompeii victims, it rocks so HARD. OR, this other dude really wants my Behringer headphone mixer. It is really rare, it is from like 1994. He'll trade it straight for an LA-610. Which one would be best for recording my snowmobile with my MLX LDC?"

GS1: "Dude, nothing sucks nuts like Avalon. I don't have one, but I have the Universal Audio. Dude, just look at it. The Avalon has too many lights. The 610 doesn't need an EQ because it automatically adjusts EQ for whatever source you put in it. I have a friend that used the 747 it to record cheese, and there was so much noise. And the compressor blows, if it has a compressor."

GS2: "Whatever, you dudes are whack. I used an Avalon with Rod Stewart and his phlegm was so silky, like cream of wheat mixed with Count Chocula. I used them before they even existed. Bro, everyone knows you can't use a Neumann on a 610. So if you want the real deal, get an API or Manley all the way bro!!!"

GS3: "Dog you ain't right I use AKG on my bros we got bell choir and we use M-AUDIO dems TIGHT, nobody use avlon anymore they suck get Behringer Truth monitors they better than getting preamp"

GS4: "Sir, you need to treat your room. That is your problem."

[big country]

ok mr.nemo
now that the chair has stoped spinning
on a happy day what song would rather listen to

rain bows and lollipops

or a song
by slayer

[Soldier777c]

thumbsupthumbsup for this thread, very funny stuff.

[voicegenius]

Originally Posted by mrnemo

I thought it would be interesting for me to give you feedback on what a typical person of average skill and intelligence has gathered from reading Gearslutz. I am a blank slate, and have literally been reading the forum 12 hours a day for the last 2 weeks.

1. Low-end gear means anything under $2000.
2. Everything made by Neumann is crap today. I mean Grade-A dog diarrhea. People only use it because of hype or because they have deals (like LA Guitar Quartet - the KM184 actually SUCKS for guitars, but they have an endorsement so they HAVE to use them...)
3. The Yamaha NS-10M is the worst speaker in the world. The sound is somewhat like putting tape over the mouths of two macaws and tasing them simultaneously (make sure they aren't flush against the wall).
4. The only monitors anyone should ever use are the ADAM A7's or maybe - JUST MAYBE - the Barefoot speakers or the Dynaudio M3's. And you really need a sub for those.
5. Avalon 737 is trash.
6. Avalon 747 is trash.
7. The Avalon M5 is OK "for bass."
8. The only mics that can be used for classical guitar are the $2500 Schoeps or some equally priced Sennheiser. Otherwise, nothing in your mic cabinet will work.
9. Teams of well-paid German, Austrian, and Russian engineers consistently miss the mark, because any piece of equipment can be modded by you for $30 in parts to make it sound "just like a Neumann XX" (vintage of course).
10. Anything with the number "500" on it is a great piece of gear.
11. Anything that says Apogee is good.
12. Anything that has a cat logo or the name of a type of cat is good.
13. The Fireface is really the only firewire interface anyone should ever consider. Everything else - EVERYTHING - belongs in the skip.
14. Why aren't you using a Mac?
15. The TLM 103 is by far the worst microphone made. It makes everything sound like Fiona Apple wrapped in carpet.
16. The TLM 49 is a close second. It makes everything sound like Barry White garggling wasps.
17. You should've gotten a Soundelux U195. God, it is so much better than any Neumann.
18. Or a Peluso 2247.
19. If it doesn't say Neve, it is crap.
20. If it doesn't say API, it is crap.
21. If it doesn't say Manley, it is crap.
22. In a "comparison post," whatever YOU own is BETTER, regardless of whether you've ever heard of it or used it, or if your gear was even listed in the OP's comparison.
23. Any piece of equipment that is available at Guitar Center or American Musical is crap, except maybe a U87, but that is junk too unless someone from GS swallows it and sh*ts it out, a technique used to simulate 40 years of delicate aging.
24. Any gear that is good must've been pulled out of a much larger object and modified to fit in a rack by the actual person that designed it.
25. Trident is now crap.
26. The jury is still out on Toft, but we're pretty sure it is crap since it is often mentioned in the same breath as Joe Meek.
27. Did I mention that Genelec makes the WORST monitors in the world? Just absolute horse-sh*t.
28. Anything touched by Joly is better than any mic ever created, including a vintage U47.
29. Anything that starts with a G is a good piece of gear (Great River, Grace, Golden Age, Gefell, Grado) EXCEPT Genelec, of course.
30. There is no gear - NONE - worse than Mackie. Mackie is worse than late 80's Nady gear. The HR824's woofers are made of goat dung and the tweeters are made from the severed wings of demon locusts, and to dare use anything with a Mackie pre will summon brutish beasts from Netherworld who will feast on the souls of your family.
31. Bring your lunchbox everywhere, because no commercial studio has anything that competes with the 512c.
32. U87's are not compatible with anything made by Universal Audio (which is all crap anyway, just unusable)
33. The Shure SM7 is awesome... BUT IT BETTER BE AN A/B/(no letter).

All in good fun, people. I am new to the forums and can't imagine that so many talented (and apparently insanely wealthy and successful) people are on this forum, including industry leaders, designers, and engineers. It's a great forum.

Feel free to add lessons I missed.

Thanks for all the great info - it's been a roller coaster ride so far.

Make this the homepage... thumbsup

[mrnemo]

Originally Posted by macr0w

This is just about the funniest post I've read in the last 5+ years I've been reading this board.

I was more proud of this than the initial post. Thank you for noticing it, !

[ankely]

Right on Man !!! thumbsup

[Deuce 225]

I agree this is hands-down the best Noob Post. However, my vote for the best post ever still goes to:

The ultimate pre-amp question thread

As always, YMMV. LOL

Maybe we should start a poll and vote on it.

[mrnemo]

Originally Posted by Deuce 225

I agree this is hands-down the best Noob Post. However, my vote for the best post ever still goes to:

The ultimate pre-amp question thread

As always, YMMV. LOL

Maybe we should start a poll and vote on it.

Thank you so much. That was friggin HILARIOUS. So well manicured. I laughed like 4 times. That is quality stuff.

[u b k]

i'm actually a little disappointed (and surprised) that someone hasn't come in, sans humor, and defended or rebutted some of the points.

must be trolls' day off.

great post, btw. thumbsup


Gregory Scott - ubk
.

[steelyfan]

LOL!
GearSLUTZ is on FIRE today!

I loved the Pompeii bit, f----in funny.

[Rikers Beard]

Wonderful, just wonderful. I'd like to add that if someone guesses wrong in a shootout it is the fault of the person that put the test together (placement, converter quality, bit rate, planet alignment, whether or not Angelina Jolie is pregnant, etc...) therefore making almost all shootouts pointless.

[Guitar Zero]

Fantastic thread. Kudos to the OP. Also, I finally drank the kool-aid and bought the Behringer V-Verb. It worked great for one month, and then poof, the left channel went dead. Sounded great while it was working though.

[macr0w]

Originally Posted by Guitar Zero

Fantastic thread. Kudos to the OP. Also, I finally drank the kool-aid and bought the Behringer V-Verb. It worked great for one month, and then poof, the left channel went dead. Sounded great while it was working though.

Hey man there is a band called the Guitar Zeros.

My next door neighbor's brother is the head Zero.

[jacksonburn]

Other additions:

China = garbage
Something about gear pimps (maybe that they always recommend something they sell...actually that might be a good thread: have a pimp recommend some gear that he or she does not sell that competes with what he or she sells...hmmmm)
something about Fletcher and how he's an asshole but usually right on the money, though YMMV
You should always try out everything you are considering purchasing out in your room before you buy anything cause so many retailers are dying to let you try out new gear before you buy it (who does this btw?)
Something about "flavors" in reference to preamps (which is probably like the gayest thing people say on here)
Any mic or pre that attempts to clone/emulate/exhibit the characteristics of classic gear and costs less than a baby on the black market, or is even partially made in China, sucks balls
Having said all of the shit I just said about the bagillions of dollars worth of gear that you need to record some 4 minute rock n roll songs, what you really need first are great songs whatever the hell that means) played by great musicians tracked in a great room to make a song sound good.

Cause the only good/great/timeless/fun to listen to/fun to sing along to/multi-platinum-plated armor-selling hit songs are ones tracked by great musicians in a great room with great ($$$) gear

I have no idea what any of this means. I feel so bad I think I have swine flu

YMMVF'inGreatly dfegad

[JMc]

To the OP - I like the cut of your jib, my man.

[apadua]

funny stuff man...

#30 is my favorite...

[dkelley]

OP, you forgot something.

you're one of US now... :-)

WELCOME TO GEARSLUTZ!!

Cheers

[mobius.media]

#30 is false.
behringer is overall far more hated than mackie.

and re: #13 - people hate firefaces.

[winvbass]

Wow! Anyone noticed that there's a s**t load more Mackie items up for grabs on Ebay this evening?

[mrnemo]

Originally Posted by mobius.media

#30 is false.
behringer is overall far more hated than mackie.

and re: #13 - people hate firefaces.

LOL... show me the post I missed in the XXXX vs Fireface battle that said that Fireface was hated.

It seems that no matter what anyone asks, they say Fireface 800 is better than anything (except obviously Lynx, Apogee).

Yes, I agree Behringer is far more hated than Mackie. The joke is that this forum thinks most $2000 preamps suck, and most Mackie threads have people beating up on Mackie, so Mackie is the new Behringer.

[Pat]

Best posting so far thumbsup

[RKrizman]

In that case, who wants to buy a TLM-103 or a pair of 737's?

-R

[mp54u]

Man I have had a long couple of weeks...

I litterally was on the floor by the time i got to the end!

I really needed this :-) Thanks nemo

[larry b]

A few more to add for when this becomes a sticky:

1: If your digi002, 003 or other digi hardware hasnt had the BLA mod or some other mod, it is complete and utter crap. You might as well be recording with a Mackie.

2: Yes Genelecs suck. ADAM's are sweet but they are going to suck in a few months. It's really not worth even listening to music unless you have Barefoot monitors, but those suck too.

3: If you used an SM57 and a crap preamp and somehow wound up with awesome sound, it was an accident. If you used an SM57 with a Great River or other "G" lettered preamp, and it sounds awesome, it was your plan all along.

4: If you used an SM57 and a Great River or other "G" lettered preamp and your sound sucks it was the SM57 that screwed it up.

5:Correction about Apogee...Everything Apogee makes is amazing except for the AD8000. That one is utter crap because it's older now, and that's just how it is. Convertors stop sounding good after 10 years on the market.

6: If you don't clock your system with a Big Ben you might as well not be doing audio production because you are a complete idiot.

7: You are an absolute buffoon and imbecile if you connect your audio gear together with anything other than Mogami or Canare cable. In fact, you are better off using coat hangers and tape if you don't have one of these two cable brands for everything you do.

8: Monster cable is so low on the list it might as well be the B-Word.

9: Is your room treated? If not you have NO HOPE, repeat NO HOPE of ever, EVER recording anything useful or worthwhile at all.

10: If you want to use an analog tape machine and you are under the age of 25 and/or have only been into recording for a few years, do not bother, because you will never ever figure out how to properly align and run a tape machine.

[mrnemo]

This is my favorite response, along with Beyer's (who is surprised any of us can make any music with all this lame gear)

Originally Posted by jacksonburn

Other additions:

China = garbage
Something about gear pimps (maybe that they always recommend something they sell...actually that might be a good thread: have a pimp recommend some gear that he or she does not sell that competes with what he or she sells...hmmmm)
something about Fletcher and how he's an asshole but usually right on the money, though YMMV
You should always try out everything you are considering purchasing out in your room before you buy anything cause so many retailers are dying to let you try out new gear before you buy it (who does this btw?)
Something about "flavors" in reference to preamps (which is probably like the gayest thing people say on here)
Any mic or pre that attempts to clone/emulate/exhibit the characteristics of classic gear and costs less than a baby on the black market, or is even partially made in China, sucks balls
Having said all of the shit I just said about the bagillions of dollars worth of gear that you need to record some 4 minute rock n roll songs, what you really need first are great songs whatever the hell that means) played by great musicians tracked in a great room to make a song sound good.

Cause the only good/great/timeless/fun to listen to/fun to sing along to/multi-platinum-plated armor-selling hit songs are ones tracked by great musicians in a great room with great ($$$) gear

I have no idea what any of this means. I feel so bad I think I have swine flu

YMMVF'inGreatly dfegad

[mrnemo]

LOL this is awesome. The other day, I saw the B-word has caught on to the word Mogami. And COME ON -

Who uses SM57's? I only use vintage SM56's.

Originally Posted by larry b

A few more to add for when this becomes a sticky:

1: If your digi002, 003 or other digi hardware hasnt had the BLA mod or some other mod, it is complete and utter crap. You might as well be recording with a Mackie.

2: Yes Genelecs suck. ADAM's are sweet but they are going to suck in a few months. It's really not worth even listening to music unless you have Barefoot monitors, but those suck too.

3: If you used an SM57 and a crap preamp and somehow wound up with awesome sound, it was an accident. If you used an SM57 with a Great River or other "G" lettered preamp, and it sounds awesome, it was your plan all along.

4: If you used an SM57 and a Great River or other "G" lettered preamp and your sound sucks it was the SM57 that screwed it up.

5:Correction about Apogee...Everything Apogee makes is amazing except for the AD8000. That one is utter crap because it's older now, and that's just how it is. Convertors stop sounding good after 10 years on the market.

6: If you don't clock your system with a Big Ben you might as well not be doing audio production because you are a complete idiot.

7: You are an absolute buffoon and imbecile if you connect your audio gear together with anything other than Mogami or Canare cable. In fact, you are better off using coat hangers and tape if you don't have one of these two cable brands for everything you do.

8: Monster cable is so low on the list it might as well be the B-Word.

9: Is your room treated? If not you have NO HOPE, repeat NO HOPE of ever, EVER recording anything useful or worthwhile at all.

10: If you want to use an analog tape machine and you are under the age of 25 and/or have only been into recording for a few years, do not bother, because you will never ever figure out how to properly align and run a tape machine.

[*CISKO*]

"23. Any piece of equipment that is available at Guitar Center or American Musical is crap, except maybe a U87, but that is junk too unless someone from GS swallows it and sh*ts it out, a technique used to simulate 40 years of delicate aging. "

the trick to this is to actually take it apart, swallow every component, assemble in inside your stomach by flexing you muscles and sh*t out an assembled one, its the only way of giving it the right amount of "grit"!

seriously thanx so much for this post!

[Parametex]

Thank you sir, can I have another ...