stupidest things you have ever heard during a session.

[spunkadellic]

Recording a female vocalist---

she couldnt sing the right notes at all

so she says "I sing it much better at home with out the music...can I sing it with out the music, then you can add the music later?"

recording percussionist

after the 1st take through the entire song

me: "how do you think you did?"

perc: "I was just dickin' around on that one"

me: "do you want to try it again then?"

perc: "No, its just music, it doesnt really matter!"

[MarkRB]

I've just remembered a good one.

A large (18 member) "christian rock" band come in for the day.
I'm in no way anti-religious so I'm not too freaked out that they had to pray before each take.

Rather than give them all headphones I had some wedges set up for foldback.
While setting up, one of the mics starts to feedback through a wedge.

The band 'leader' gets a panicked look in his eyes, holds both his hands up to the heavens and shouts:

"By the power of Jesus, stop this feedback!!".

Me: errr, sorry about that....

[Savernake]

that is genuinly the funniest thing I have ever read.

[PRobb]

Originally Posted by MarkRB

I've just remembered a good one.

A large (18 member) "christian rock" band come in for the day.
I'm in no way anti-religious so I'm not too freaked out that they had to pray before each take.

Rather than give them all headphones I had some wedges set up for foldback.
While setting up, one of the mics starts to feedback through a wedge.

The band 'leader' gets a panicked look in his eyes, holds both his hands up to the heavens and shouts:

"By the power of Jesus, stop this feedback!!".

Me: errr, sorry about that....

I've known engineers who thought they were God, but being prayed to directly is a whole new wrinkle!

[narcoman]

stupidest thing in a session?

me, three days ago. "yeah sure, i can hit that deadline on mondy". Then how come i'm still mixing some of the 36 cues?

[Mr. Man]

I was an assistant recording engineer on a church live-album (none of it was live) where the worship pastor (the producer) told the head engineer,

"I don't want things way out on the sides or things panned too far in only one speaker"

"Why?" said the head engineer.

"Because there may be some people listening to it who don't hear too well or deaf in one ear and they'll not be able to enjoy the music."

So with the exception of stereo piano, stereo cymbals, some hard panned double-tracking the result was a rather dull mono sound. And the worship pastor ended up moaning about it to the engineer for not sounding alive and as good as professional projects.

It was a huge insult to the head engineer who has Gold and Platinum album-credits.

[GuitarRuss]

Originally Posted by MarkRB

I've just remembered a good one.

A large (18 member) "christian rock" band come in for the day.
I'm in no way anti-religious so I'm not too freaked out that they had to pray before each take.

Rather than give them all headphones I had some wedges set up for foldback.
While setting up, one of the mics starts to feedback through a wedge.

The band 'leader' gets a panicked look in his eyes, holds both his hands up to the heavens and shouts:

"By the power of Jesus, stop this feedback!!".

Me: errr, sorry about that....

Okay that's my new favorite! Absolutely hilarious... By the power of Jesus, stop that _________. Almost anything at the end of sentence is funny. By the power of Jesus, stop that sneezing!!

[Beardhead]

Drummer: my snare drum is the same size as my rack tom
Bass player: ...as your rectum?

[joeq]

Originally Posted by Mr. Man

"Because there may be some people listening to it who don't hear too well or deaf in one ear and they'll not be able to enjoy the music."

yeah dammit! If they can't enjoy it, nobody else should either.

[scubarocks]

You won't believe this and I don't care, it's just too f**ked up not to share.

I'm tracking my friend's band and Saturday night we were recording.
the female singer had written an incredibly deep song and we were tracking piano and vocals. Everyone that comes in wants to see some activity and Savina was no exception, She constantly walked around trying to communicate with the energy and what not. During the night lights in different rooms were turning on and off and everyone was excited. we had been trying to get the feel right on the piano parts and all of a sudden what she played was head and shoulders above the other takes, here's where it gets cool.
We have a mannequin donated by a longtime friend/guitarist. She resides in our downstairs bathroom and has been there for years.
Tracking piano there were 5 of us in the control room. the only person who went in or out was Savina and we could see her walk from the live room to the control room. After the perfect take we were listening and from the kitchen out the side door of the control room was a noise of someone bumping into and knocking over something onto the wood floor. The outside doors were locked and I have the only key, again no one left the control room all night. Jeri and I looked at each other and went to investigate. As we walked out of the control room and into the dark kitchen, we came face to face with the mannequin from the bathroom! I have never been so scared in my life, Not only was she free standing without the support stand, she was facing the control room! All five of us ran out the back door and after about 10 minutes I went back in and shot the photo below. There is a chair behind her but I can assure you she was not propped up against it, there was at least a foot between them. When we went back in to look, Jeri touched her and she fell over. When he picked her up we could not get her to stand up again. I went to get her support stand and it is nowhere to be found so we then propped her up against the chair.
Savina asked her if she wanted to watch us cut vocals and we set up the mike right there next to her. We cut some of the most beautiful vocal tracks I've ever heard, dare I say Hauntingly Beautiful. The rest of the night nothing else happened and you could feel the change of energy in the air, it was like you were coming down off a high, really weird feeling. You can go to my myspace page, click on Jer, Savina, or Ian and they will tell you the same story.
P.S. Nothing had fallen over or was amiss in the kitchen other than her standing there.

[gurubuzz]

Wow,

I once lost a set of keys for nearly 6 months...I looked everywhere for them, relentlessly.

then one day they were sitting right in the middle of my coffee table in my lounge room.

Then a day later they disappeared again never to be seen again....

[Nick G]

not stupid but funny
time ago i put up a Deesser for a voice while mixing, and told the guys what it was how it works etc..and the singer told me..don't you have a DeR ('cause he had problems with it...) ..nice

[bitman]

Originally Posted by ismokind

You won't believe this and I don't care, it's just too f**ked up not to share.

I'm tracking my friend's band and Saturday night we were recording.
the female singer had written an incredibly deep song and we were tracking piano and vocals. Everyone that comes in wants to see some activity and Savina was no exception, She constantly walked around trying to communicate with the energy and what not. During the night lights in different rooms were turning on and off and everyone was excited. we had been trying to get the feel right on the piano parts and all of a sudden what she played was head and shoulders above the other takes, here's where it gets cool.
We have a mannequin donated by a longtime friend/guitarist. She resides in our downstairs bathroom and has been there for years.
Tracking piano there were 5 of us in the control room. the only person who went in or out was Savina and we could see her walk from the live room to the control room. After the perfect take we were listening and from the kitchen out the side door of the control room was a noise of someone bumping into and knocking over something onto the wood floor. The outside doors were locked and I have the only key, again no one left the control room all night. Jeri and I looked at each other and went to investigate. As we walked out of the control room and into the dark kitchen, we came face to face with the mannequin from the bathroom! I have never been so scared in my life, Not only was she free standing without the support stand, she was facing the control room! All five of us ran out the back door and after about 10 minutes I went back in and shot the photo below. There is a chair behind her but I can assure you she was not propped up against it, there was at least a foot between them. When we went back in to look, Jeri touched her and she fell over. When he picked her up we could not get her to stand up again. I went to get her support stand and it is nowhere to be found so we then propped her up against the chair.
Savina asked her if she wanted to watch us cut vocals and we set up the mike right there next to her. We cut some of the most beautiful vocal tracks I've ever heard, dare I say Hauntingly Beautiful. The rest of the night nothing else happened and you could feel the change of energy in the air, it was like you were coming down off a high, really weird feeling. You can go to my myspace page, click on Jer, Savina, or Ian and they will tell you the same story.
P.S. Nothing had fallen over or was amiss in the kitchen other than her standing there.

It is said that a spirit will inhabit just about anything from a chair to 'prolly and old compressor. But I'd get rid of that mannequin.

[bitman]

Originally Posted by spunkadellic

recording percussionist

after the 1st take through the entire song

me: "how do you think you did?"

perc: "I was just dickin' around on that one"

me: "do you want to try it again then?"

perc: "No, its just music, it doesnt really matter!"

Ahh these are my favorites! - Easy money.
I've tracked a wealthy perfectionist for months. While wonderful, he always wanted to do somthing better.

[electricsun]

I'm a newbie on this, and I don't know if this is funny enough

I was recording vocals for my band demo CD, and the vocal asked me "hey, how is this gonna sound when you do the final mix?" ,,
I didn't know what to answer, as I didn't know what to do yet, so I said,,, "eehhmmm, maybe I'm gonna add some reverb on it" and while I was adding some reverb, he said:
"Hey!, stop it! you're not Phil Spector!!"

me>

[Lynn Fuston]

Originally Posted by bitman

It is said that a spirit will inhabit just about anything from a chair to 'prolly and old compressor. But I'd get rid of that mannequin.

OK. Instead of "haunted studio" stories, how about "haunted compressor" stories?

And ditto on the self-perambulatory mannequin.

[cornutt]

Originally Posted by GuitarRuss

Okay that's my new favorite! Absolutely hilarious... By the power of Jesus, stop that _________. Almost anything at the end of sentence is funny. By the power of Jesus, stop that sneezing!!

Dave Barry says you can make anything funnier by adding a weasel to it. So let's try it:

"By the power of Jesus, stop that feedback weasel!"

[tonymission]

Originally Posted by cornutt

Dave Barry says you can make anything funnier by adding a weasel to it. So let's try it:

"By the power of Jesus, stop that feedback weasel!"

im not sure how effective that was ...









tutt

[slick0]

Originally Posted by Lynn Fuston

OK. Instead of "haunted studio" stories, how about "haunted compressor" stories?

And ditto on the self-perambulatory mannequin.

Turn the gain down on that posessor!

[GearHunter]

Dude, not only do I believe you but I have many a haunted session tale myself. Working here in Olde Boston in the wee hours in dimly lit studios (often in old buildings or houses), I have many times felt, heard and even seen things that would raise the hair on the back of your neck. I mean, how many of you have heard a whisper coming over an open mic through the studio monitors -- when no one was in or even near the vocal booth.

I recounted a couple of stories recently on my blog, Drew-Who. Read the two about "The Mysterious Track 16".

[joeq]

Originally Posted by ismokind

We have a mannequin donated by a longtime friend/guitarist. She resides in our downstairs bathroom and has been there for years.

OK, that seems to be your problem right there. stike

[cornutt]

Originally Posted by joeq

OK, that seems to be your problem right there. stike

What, doesn't everybody have a guitarist living in their bathroom?

[scubarocks]

Originally Posted by bitman

It is said that a spirit will inhabit just about anything from a chair to 'prolly and old compressor. But I'd get rid of that mannequin.

We would except she sings great harmony and I keep hoping she'll turn into a young Kim Cattrall.

Originally Posted by Lynn Fuston

OK. Instead of "haunted studio" stories, how about "haunted compressor" stories?

We do have a haunted Compressor, It's a Neve 33609 and for some other worldly reason it makes everything sound good.

[jjharvey]

Originally Posted by narcoman

stupidest thing in a session?

me, three days ago. "yeah sure, i can hit that deadline on mondy". Then how come i'm still mixing some of the 36 cues?

Proof that you need another assistant eh Narcoman

[Berolzheimer]

Originally Posted by bitman

It is said that a spirit will inhabit just about anything from a chair to 'prolly and old compressor. But I'd get rid of that mannequin.

Why? No harm being done, on the contrary probably some vibe being added to the tracks.

[bitman]

Originally Posted by Berolzheimer

Why? No harm being done, on the contrary probably some vibe being added to the tracks.

M-M-M-Maybe

[joeq]

Originally Posted by Berolzheimer

Why? No harm being done, on the contrary probably some vibe being added to the tracks.

OK, I've got an idea- let's split up.

you go down in the basement and check on the mannequin

[Berolzheimer]

Originally Posted by joeq

OK, I've got an idea- let's split up.

you go down in the basement and check on the mannequin

Okey dokey.

[scubarocks]

Thankfully we don't have a basement, but the funeral home three doors down does. You're welcome to check that out. I'll be the lookout, but I ain't goin in.

btw, my friend owns it and it has been in his family since 18-something, before there was even a Tarpon Springs. So , to recap.
Our studio is in the first hospital in Tarpon and next door is the first funeral home

[GearHunter]

We had a couple of old Blue-Stripe 1176's that were pretty whacky. Can't say they were haunted, but they had a mind of their own.

What we DID used to do to create a vibe now and then was to set ALL of the outboard gear with numeric displays to 666. Things like PCM 42s and Super Prime Times. This was usually when we were tracking and didn't have to use them for anything. I would do it when I was in there alone, and then wait to see how long it would take the others to notice.

PS: If you were clever with a sharpie and console tape you could change logos too: Like Ashley became "Trashley", Lexicon became "Mexican" and stuff like that.