stupidest things you have ever heard during a session.

[toledo3]

*Artist says to me on playback : "No no no.... this sounds exactly like it did when we played it!"
-------------------------------------------

*
Guitarist starts by saying "my amp sounds exactly how I want it, and I don't want to change ANYTHING."

After awhile....

Guitarist says : "That funny flat mic (pzm) is overloading"

I say "hold on let me check..." I check everything out... no overloading. I say, "no man, everything is fine...."

He says "I am sure it is that funny flat mic!"

OK... how does he know it is the "funny flat mic" when we have 3 mics on the cab.

Anyway.... I go to the speaker cab, and figure out that one of the speakers is about to blow, and is already ripped. I tell him "look, one of these speakers is about to go, that is the sound you are hearing!"

He says, "no it is not!"

We go back and forth until I change out the "funny flat mic".

The sound was STILL there, but he never admitted it....

BUT, when mixing, he tells me "That funny flat mic really made the tracks sound good, why did YOU change it out?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
*While solo-ing some drum tracks, I notice this "mumble mumble mumble"... a kind of unintelligible vocal murmur. I'm thinking "what the hell is this?"

I notice that the drummer is actually making the sound... kind of "humming" along to the track he is playing to.

I tell him "hey, this sound is going to be there unless you stop humming."

He says "Well, can't you just EDIT it out?"


-------------------------------------

Hmmm, I am sure I have a few more....

[Magnus]

This is the best thread ever!

/Magnus

[sarza73]

Originally posted by Jules
Sweden (Trance Dance singer 1980's) "Can you raise my ears"

Ha ha ha I know that singer. ....hes now a CEO for a big music publishing company......

I´ll have to send him this link

[Bob Olhsson]

Mickey Most insisted "let me hear your echo" without letting me send anything into the chamber. Andrew Oldham had me set up the studio to record a virgin.

Famous guitsteel player to me:

"You can EQ that reverb out of the song, right?"

Music director for a very bad choir that I recorded: "We'll put your name on the CD, and maybe it will help get you some business."

Me: "You REALLY shouldn't do that. REALLY!"

[archtop]

I had a bass player with a full rack of processing,
ping pong delay and reverb.

I mention loosing the reverb.


HIM---- No, thats a gate.



He argued with me for a long time and held his ground

[sarza73]

while recording the lead........

"Can i have more midi in my phones"

"i can´t hit any tones...but you can fix that later can´t you ???"

[Medicine Dog]

In the 70s shortly after the introduction of the MXR Phase-90 guitar pedal:

3 takes into a song. The lead singer is having a difficult time with words, timing - everything.

He finally yells "Stop! Stop! Stop!"

Engineer: What's the matter? You okay?

Singer: Quiet!

Engineer: Is there a prob...

Singer: QUIET!

Several tense-filled moments pass with perplexed faces all around. Finally...

Singer: I hear the wind, buddy!

[BrianK]

Producer: "Now that's she's done her guitar track, let's use her rig and REDO it while she's out for dinner!"

Guess who came back early and quit the band.

[Riad]

The lead singer to the background female singer in the vocal booth:
"It sounded better when you were high"
'Do I need to be high?"
"Yes, you need to be an octave over me"
"Oh, high notes, ok"

Me: "I wish I was high."


Drummer walked into the sliding glass door... his head left a print on the glass and I left it there for all to see.

(I'm now in the process of putting frosted lines on the glass doors)

This is a great thread.

[D.C]

Absolutely the God's honest truth......

I was tracking bass for a Deftones-esque metal band a bunch of years ago. I was growing increasingly uncomfortable with the less-than-precise performance of the bass against the drum track. The drums were good enough to work with, but this bass player was bordering on tragic. When pointing out the importance of tightness between the bass and drums - especially with this type of music, he looked at me and announced:

"I understand all of that, but this is part of our thing....we don't necessarily want the bass notes to land right on top of the drum hits. If they are separated just a bit, it helps the listener hear both clearly....

"

god bless rock and roll!

[PRobb]

From a jingle session- two guys from the client are there who are the walking definitions of the term "empty suit". I walked past them in the hall and the bit of conversation I overheard was "Oh, he's an accountant? Really? I thought he was a musician, I've been calling him 'man' "

[aidyhall]

Was working with an unsigned band, manager paying for demos. After moving fills around, Beat Detective-ising the really poorly played drums, Sound Replacing the kick and snare so there's some degree of consistency, tightening up guitar intros, re-amping the guitar and bass through something half decent, comping vocals from many many takes, AutoTune, etc...etc... all the stuff I hate to do but have to when its necessary ... the comment from the band ...

"Wow, this is great, HOW CAN WE NOT GET SIGNED?!"

[PRobb]

Another jingle session- the client tells the arranger he wants a string quartet. So we book the session, the client comes in, looks into the room and see two violins, a viola and a cello and says "What the **** is that?" "Uh, a string quartet?" "No, I meant guitar, mandolin, banjo and bass"

[aidyhall]

Originally posted by PRobb
Another jingle session- the client tells the arranger he wants a string quartet. So we book the session, the client comes in, looks into the room and see two violins, a viola and a cello and says "What the **** is that?" "Uh, a string quartet?" "No, I meant guitar, mandolin, banjo and bass"

I know a producer who once faked an entire string section, for an advert. Booked the studio, laid out the chairs, mic's, music stands, had the assistant leave some newspapers and coffee mugs out, etc...
Client turns up ... "Oh, you just missed the string section being recorded. It sounds great, check it out.."
Plays back pre-recorded synth string part, from a JV1080.
Client "Yeah, the real strings really help the warmth of the track!"
Producer included their fee as part of his invoice ....

[NathanEldred]

"I can't hear myself"

....And their guitar or bass volume knob is all the way off. Happens at least once every session.

[PRobb]

Originally posted by aidyhall
I know a producer who once faked an entire string section, for an advert. Booked the studio, laid out the chairs, mic's, music stands, had the assistant leave some newspapers and coffee mugs out, etc...
Client turns up ... "Oh, you just missed the string section being recorded. It sounds great, check it out.."
Plays back pre-recorded synth string part, from a JV1080.
Client "Yeah, the real strings really help the warmth of the track!"
Producer included their fee as part of his invoice ....

Pure genius, I love it!!!

[SEB]

Well, this happened many years ago but i still smile when the band reminds me of the incident. Hope this translates well into english;

Bent over his newly bought flying V, the guitarist have spent the last half hour trying to play in tune with the song;

Me; I really think you should get that guitar intonated before recording.

Guitarist; looks up, looks down on his guitar & looks up againg bewildered & anxious; Why on earth should I want to DETONATE my guitar!!!???...


And a history told from another studio in town;

Several of the finest musicians in Scandinavia are hired to play on a solo-album from one of the biggest stars of the 80`s.

Producer; Nah, we don`t need that stinky click do we? Guys?

Drummer; I don`t need it, Guitarist; not me either, Bass; no need for a click, Keyboard; nope, let`s mute the metronome.
Some seconds of silent, then the star vocalist; I`ll have some click, please...

[Killahurts]

True story, happened this summer:


Me: "If I record you (on spec), what do you want to do with the product?"

Artist: "I want to get a BIG record contract."

Me: "What do you want one of those for?"

Artist: "I need to get some money- I lost my job last week, and I got rent and a truck payment coming up..."

[maskedman72]

this shit is ****in great guys!!!! keep it comin!!!!! thumbsup

[rainsinvelvet]

Originally posted by NathanEldred
"I can't hear myself"

....And their guitar or bass volume knob is all the way off. Happens at least once every session.

That one just kills me! ..
once evey session....yup, sounds about right..


ERic

[warhead]

I was interning at a friend's studio in the early 90's, and a band of 5 sixteen year old kids is in. Their "singer" is behind the glass doors, vocal mic in his face and he asks:

"Do you have the button that...uh...changes the voice?"

Button?

"Yeah, the button that makes me sound like Danzig."

Nope, don't have the button that changes the voice.

"Oh, uh, OK."

(all of his friends laugh over the talkback)

"Shut up dudes, I'm trying to sound like Danzig!"

Truth is stranger than fiction.

War

[warhead]

Tracked a local project this fall, very nice people, but every time one of the singers would nail a take the producer would yell "Thank you for my retirement!".

Which is pretty crazy sounding to my ears anyhow...they were talented but it's hard to laugh at people's dreams.

War

[yphs_mst]

Tracking session :

Assistant : "dude, we need to get the overhead mic (drum) higher, high freq needs more time to develop ?"

DOH !

[zxcv]

A pop filter is attached to the mic stand with no mic set up yet. Rapper asks while looking at the cheap ring of plastic with pantyhose on it: "is this mic expensive?"

He continues to put headphones on and does mic checks into the pop filter.

[Al Chine]

A young chap (music director) wanting to impress everyone in the control room asked me to do this for the vocal track.....

Music director : Can you boost the 48khz on the vocals by about 3dbs?

Me: Sorry dude, don't you mean 480hz?

Music director: No! I want 3db more on the 48khz. Just give it to man!!!

Me (whispering) : Do you want dogs to hear this?

[Raw-Tracks]

I wasn't there for this one, heard it second hand:

Session was a string session. 20+ chairs and headsets out in the room. Each musician gets their own 2 channel headphone cue box. These boxes are all daisy chained together off a couple jacks on the wall. If one box or cable goes down, the rest in the chain go haywire. Generally you have to work your way down the chain to figure out which one is causing the problem, so it can be swapped out. Each and every cue box was always tested at session set up.

The musicians start rolling in, tuning up, etc. The charts are handed out. They're ready for their first read through. Tape rolls, they start reading. After the tape stops, a few of the players are complaining their cue boxes aren't working. Assistant is sent out into the room to track down and rectifiy the problem. For whatever reason, the assistant isn't able to find the problem quick enough, and the engineer joins him out in the room to track down the problem. While franticly swapping cue boxes in and out, the engineer comes to find that one of the musician's chair is sitting on one of the cue cables.

"Well, here's the problem!", excaims the engineer to his assistant. "This chair is resting on this cue cable." Assistant then retorts, "It's not a garden hose, dave!"

Turns out, the chair wasn't to blame afterall. After the cable that was under the chair was replaced, the problem still persisted. The offending cue box was found a little farther down the chain, replaced, and the session went on.

[11thhour]

I was tracking vocal tracks for a death metal band a couple of months ago..typical cookie monster tracks,, vocals sounded something like..*imagine this in very low, deep voice* rrrrrruuhh rrrrrgg fffrrrrhhhgg rrrrhhhuu *big breath* rrrrgg hhrrrrruuuhhrrr.. gghhhhrrrruurrch...

suddenly, singer stops, throws his hands in the air, and says...damn it!! I sang the wrong words!!

[camitchell]

.

Looking around the room at ASC tube traps set up around the mix position....

"Wow, look at all these speakers!"

------------------------------

Tracking down a 'digital popping' sound in a DAW on a multi-tracked band rehearsal. Turns out the singer was chewing gum while singing and would pop it occasionally between lines. LOL!



Craig

[PRobb]

Originally posted by NathanEldred
"I can't hear myself"

....And their guitar or bass volume knob is all the way off. Happens at least once every session.

And the moment when you ask the band how their phones are is called "The Moremes".