stupidest things you have ever heard during a session.

[teo]

So I have this to rappers that come in about once a month, rap over a beat and get the vocal tracks to be mixed somewhere else. Good guys, just not the best rappers around...
Anyway, they always asked for 44.1/24 files, and that's what I delivered a few days ago as usual. Then I get an email saying that the guy mixing the track would like the vocal tracks in the same format of the beat, to avoid loosing quality.
Ok, no problem, just send me the specifics...
Get another email...

16 bit

ok...

32 Khz

...

WHAAAAAATTTT???

Sent the files today, but I'm still
Quality?

[loujudson]

Originally Posted by teo

Get another email...

16 bit

ok...

32 Khz

...

Didn't they want MP3? 32kbps...

[12ax7]

Originally Posted by Rolff

"Sounded good until I heard it."

You'd be surprised at how often that actually happens!

It can be quite a humbling experience to find out that a lowly EV 635A somehow unexpectedly sounds much better than a vintage U47 on what you happen to be tracking at the moment.

(Of course, you would NEVER know that if you don't compare them!)

.

[Mokesmaster]

Originally Posted by cgarges

Two stories of local legend in which I was unfortunately not involved:

Producer:
"What's that hi-pitched tinny thing?"

Engineer:
"What? Where?"

Producer:
"Right there!"

Engineer begins soloing tracks.

Producer:
"There! That's it!"

Engineer:
"That's a hi hat, Nick.'



Also, from notoriously difficult female singer:
"I have GOT to have more SMPTE in the headphones?"

Needless to say, this engineer gave it to her LOUD AND CLEAR before pressing play again.

Chris Garges
Charlotte, NC

HAHAHA! Did she say thank you???

[Papillon]

A guy in mastering told me the client wanted the track to sound ' a bit more citrussy ', to which he replied 'well, which one do you want; lemons or limes?'

[teo]

Originally Posted by loujudson

Didn't they want MP3? 32kbps...

Then they could just record it with the built in computer mic...

[Benprogfuse]

Originally Posted by teo

So I have this to rappers that come in about once a month, rap over a beat and get the vocal tracks to be mixed somewhere else. Good guys, just not the best rappers around...
Anyway, they always asked for 44.1/24 files, and that's what I delivered a few days ago as usual. Then I get an email saying that the guy mixing the track would like the vocal tracks in the same format of the beat, to avoid loosing quality.
Ok, no problem, just send me the specifics...
Get another email...

16 bit

ok...

32 Khz

...

WHAAAAAATTTT???

Sent the files today, but I'm still
Quality?

Just think of all the hard drive space they are saving...

[ProfessorNick]

Originally Posted by aidyhall

I know a producer who once faked an entire string section, for an advert. Booked the studio, laid out the chairs, mic's, music stands, had the assistant leave some newspapers and coffee mugs out, etc...
Client turns up ... "Oh, you just missed the string section being recorded. It sounds great, check it out.."
Plays back pre-recorded synth string part, from a JV1080.
Client "Yeah, the real strings really help the warmth of the track!"
Producer included their fee as part of his invoice ....

I wish I could pull that off! This is great!

[PRobb]

Originally Posted by ProfessorNick

I wish I could pull that off! This is great!

That takes some serious brass balls. If you're found out it certainly means the end of that client, and if word gets around it could be a reputation killer.

[Apollo Soul]

Originally Posted by PRobb

That takes some serious brass balls. If you're found out it certainly means the end of that client, and if word gets around it could be a reputation killer.

Yeah... up 'till the charging part, it was maverick. Not divulging it in the end and charging just makes him a thief.

Certainly not someone I'd ever do business with.

[lame pseudonym]

Meanwhile, at the music store...
(Pardon me if you've heard this -- I haven't read every page yet)

My friend had a prospective customer who was shopping for a basic club PA -- you know, two speakers and a box with all the electronics. The customer was comparing this system with another one that he saw at another store.

My friend told the customer, "The speakers are the same but the head I'm going to give you is much better".

LP

[Beat Poet]

Originally Posted by lame pseudonym

My friend told the customer, "The speakers are the same but the head I'm going to give you is much better".

[T-Stag]

A drummer's comment after a bad take: "Well, you should beat detective my kick drums on this one and it'll be fine."

[Mrgriffin]

Throw that beat on my tab

[dkelley]

Originally Posted by ProfessorNick

I wish I could pull that off! This is great!

Wow! Hard to believe the client couldn't tell the difference. Scary. As a session string player myself (who often does all the parts for these things by overtracking myself on different string instruments to build an orchestra) I find it hard to believe that the JV sounded anywhere near believable.

That producer is damned lucky the client didn't know a single thing about what strings sound like or he'd have been in sh*t right away LoL.

Takes balls for sure, and I suspect the producer must have known how ignorant the client was or he wouldn't have tried this stunt.

[casadios]

one "engineer" i knew long time ago explaining someone the behavior of the threshold knob on a compressor

"if you turn left you compress lows, if you turn right you compress highs"

[Beat Poet]

"Doesn't matter, we'll fix it in the mix"

Heard that one a few times from bandmates! I always said no, it's ropey, do it again.

[Adlen]

A drummer couldn't get to his drum kit (stored at his parents' house) before the session. I supplied a kick drum and floor tom, the producer was meant to bring everything else...

"Mate, I could only find a snare and cymbal... then I forgot the snare stand."

Solution? Snare on top of floor tom, actually sounded awesome with the massive, low resonance!

[Liquid360]

Speaking of drummers...

This one left a classic message on my machine after I told him he didn't get the position as our session drummer:

http://www.liquid360mix.com/Thickliq...d%20Steele.wav

[psycho_monkey]

"Can you move the thing you just played higher?".

"Which "thing"? I've just been playing you a mix..."

"the thing! you know man...the thing!"

Eventually we worked out that the guy wanted an element I'd played in solo about 4 minutes ago, later in time.

The same guy kept asking for things to be "higher" when he meant later, would sing me a rhythm, then when I replicated it perfectly, claimed it was nothing like he wanted. was unable to work out words like "synth" despite claiming to have programmed the track himself, asked for input because he didn't like "yes men" then proceeded to ignore all arrangement suggestions, then when he DID get out the keyboard to do some programming, proceeded to add some horribly atonal one-finger preset chords whilst loving the results (fortunately got him to ditch that one).

For 16 hours.

I've never met someone that bad at communicating what he actually wanted.

Did I mention he couldn't sing, and when rapping actually forgot when to come in on a punch on the 2nd line of a 4 line verse. Repeatedly. Like, 4 times in a row. And when he did remember, couldn't get more than 4 words in without a fluff.

Despite all that, I actually liked the guy personally.

Oh, and he bought a bona-fide porn star to the session, for "vibe". Shame she was a bit of a dog...

[LeMauce]

Bona what!?! Explain to the non britishe folks (Dutch / French) what the hell that means.
About the guy... You gotta love your job P-monkey. Sometimes Im jealous on you... Sometimes :P

[DaveUK]

Oh psycho please name and shame him:-) ( I know you wont)

[psycho_monkey]

Originally Posted by LeMauce

Bona what!?! Explain to the non britishe folks (Dutch / French) what the hell that means.
About the guy... You gotta love your job P-monkey. Sometimes Im jealous on you... Sometimes :P

Bonafide means genuine...that's all!

You wouldn't have been jealous at 5.30 this morning when I was still overdubbing "adlibs".

[psycho_monkey]

Originally Posted by DaveUK

Oh psycho please name and shame him:-) ( I know you wont)

Haha he's no-one famous...he did go on and on about how David Guetta is so genuine because he really produces music that he feels...didn't have the heart to tell him I've worked for the guy who ghost wrote a lot of it, and that Guetta can barely turn a computer on.

[Adlen]

Originally Posted by LeMauce

Bona what!?! Explain to the non britishe folks (Dutch / French) what the hell that means.

Priceless

[pureish]

Intern I let assist a session: "This sucks, I went to school for this. I ready to be an engineer"

Me a short time later: "Patch the Lexicon 480L from aux 1"

Intern: Blank Stare........

[RonGherkins]

Originally Posted by Liquid Legacy

Okay, first post here but I just had to chime in on this one as I’ve had many stupid comments/situations go down in my studio as well.

First one, this is more silly/amusing than stupid actually. I was recording a metal band that had an outro in one of their songs with a 20 second long continuous scream. I doubted that the vocalist could pull it off so I told him he didn’t have to hold it for the entire 20 second, I could just fix that later with some cutting and editing. But he was confident as hell and convinced that he could pull it off without any trouble. As you wish, I said, and hit record. He took the deepest breath I’ve ever seen someone take in the vocal booth and started screaming as loud and powerful as he could. “This isn’t going to end well”, I thought as I watched the colour of is face go from normal, to pink, to red, to purple, then blue before he finally passed out and hit the floor with a loud thump and pulled the mic stand down with him. A few seconds later, a pale, bewildered face appears in the window and the first thing the guy says is: “Did we get it!?” And yes, we did in fact get it. “You see that? Piece of cake” he mumbled as he stumbled back into the control room and laid down flat on the floor. Luckily, the mic survived as well and we included the sound of him hitting the floor and the mic stand crashing down in the final mix. A cool ending to the song and a story I often tell to motivate clients who hold back in the booth.

I worked with the same band on later occasions and was told that the vocalist had blacked out a few times on stage as well trying to hold that last scream for the full duration. That is one persistent fella right there

LOL full out. Amazing.

[RonGherkins]

Originally Posted by chuckduffy

We are talking about Scranton PA here

LOL omg this thread cracks me up x10583210856

[Matt R]

I did a few recording sessions for a local guy who I went to school with years back. He was NEVER once on time, constantly 2-6 hours late, never once called to tell me he would be late or a no-show.

Eventually, I got pissed off and told him --

I need you to start picking dates and holding to them. Not changing them last minute on a consistent basis. I have other people I need to work with and make money. I keep losing money by rescheduling myself around you, so you need to start getting your shit together and being on time and picking dates you can hold

Rather than coming back with the band, he paid me what he owed me, collected the stems, and then tried telling me off stating that I had no right to tell him to get his act together. I told him it was either that or I invoiced him for the 50+ hours of waiting around for him that's built up over time at $25/hr.

He walked out pissed off. It felt amazing.

[symmetricalSound]

Originally Posted by Liquid360

Speaking of drummers...

This one left a classic message on my machine after I told him he didn't get the position as our session drummer:

http://www.liquid360mix.com/Thickliq...d%20Steele.wav

Originally Posted by psycho_monkey

"Can you move the thing you just played higher?".

"Which "thing"? I've just been playing you a mix..."

"the thing! you know man...the thing!"

Eventually we worked out that the guy wanted an element I'd played in solo about 4 minutes ago, later in time.

The same guy kept asking for things to be "higher" when he meant later, would sing me a rhythm, then when I replicated it perfectly, claimed it was nothing like he wanted. was unable to work out words like "synth" despite claiming to have programmed the track himself, asked for input because he didn't like "yes men" then proceeded to ignore all arrangement suggestions, then when he DID get out the keyboard to do some programming, proceeded to add some horribly atonal one-finger preset chords whilst loving the results (fortunately got him to ditch that one).

For 16 hours.

I've never met someone that bad at communicating what he actually wanted.

Did I mention he couldn't sing, and when rapping actually forgot when to come in on a punch on the 2nd line of a 4 line verse. Repeatedly. Like, 4 times in a row. And when he did remember, couldn't get more than 4 words in without a fluff.

Despite all that, I actually liked the guy personally.

Oh, and he bought a bona-fide porn star to the session, for "vibe". Shame she was a bit of a dog...

both of those are amazing!