stupidest things you have ever heard during a session.

[teo]

Originally Posted by TrueTone Studios

Ha, I'm assuming he is referring to the fourth fret, still not all to specific though! I work with so many people who don't know what key their songs are in! It's crazy!

I get that all the time when I'm tuning vocals...Blank stare from the client, so I get up, walk to the live room, open the piano, walk back and resume working without saying a word. How the hell can they not know?

[teo]

Regarding the whole "getting levels" issue, if they play something really soft, I just ask "Is this what you are gonna be playing? You are not going FFF on me mid take, right"
If they confirm, I just make my level and get on with it.
I don't really get what all the fuss is about?

[matt thomas]

Originally Posted by pdx

Yeah, some of these anecdotes are funny but I bet every musician's forum has a "stupidest thing a recording engineer ever told you" thread.

Ha, that reminds me, not that its a recording engineer:

Setting up for a Matchbox 20 gig, and one of the local "crew" walks over to the monitor desk and starts turning knobs randomly, just to see what they feel like by the looks. This was after the band had sound checked, so I asked him if he knew were they were all set before he started twiddling. He said "um.. no" and walked off.

matt

[deft_bonz]

Originally Posted by pdx

Yeah, some of these anecdotes are funny but I bet every musician's forum has a "stupidest thing a recording engineer ever told you" thread.

You won't need to search far far away

Dumb stuff you do in the studio

Dumbest Things Smart Folks Do Only ONCE!

[psycho_monkey]

Originally Posted by RDFiorentino

My favorite one that I get all the time is "process it. like make it sound really processed."

Originally Posted by PRobb

Wouldn't it be great if clients understood the recording process as well as you did?
Oh, wait, if they did why would they pay you?

Well, as I think I've said before, it would be nice to be given a bit of a clue as to what they'd like to hear!

"make it watery"

"Make it really nasty sounding"

"make it all floaty and airy"

"make it robotic"

All these things I can do.

"put an effect on it" - well, that could be any one of the above, and a million other things as well. If I'm on the clock, I'll try any number of things if the client has the patience. If I'm mixing on a flat rate, I'd like a bit more detail please before I waste my time on something that isn't needed!

That's where reference tracks/youtube etc are so useful.

[deft_bonz]

I'd like to add: "Make it deeper"
After playing one octave lower / or just pitch shifting: "No that's not it"
Then hi cutting everything above 500 - 1k: "No that's not it, just make it deeper, you know!"

NO I DON'T KNOW!!!

[artnoiser]

Originally Posted by pdx

Yeah, some of these anecdotes are funny but I bet every musician's forum has a "stupidest thing a recording engineer ever told you" thread.

Personally, I'd love to read such threads. So if you know any, please share!

[Papanate]

Originally Posted by deft_bonz

I'd like to add: "Make it deeper"
After playing one octave lower / or just pitch shifting: "No that's not it"
Then hi cutting everything above 500 - 1k: "No that's not it, just make it deeper, you know!"

NO I DON'T KNOW!!!

This is probably what they meant.

[Papanate]

Originally Posted by kidxsicarus

Had the biggest Divo singer come into my project studio

You had Mark Motherbaugh in your Studio? Nice!

[deft_bonz]

Originally Posted by Papanate

This is probably what they meant.

Maybe... next time I get such a question, I'll patch my Funklogic in and let them "drive" the sound

[GRiFF]

Perhaps not as funny as suprising, we used to have toilet facilities just off the control room to the left of the monitoring. I had a new girl client, very attractive just a girl next door type, who had never worked with me before. Since it was just us together I was taken by surprise when mid discussion about arrangement she wandered into the cubicle and went for a tinkle with the door wide open, carried on chatting, wiped herself and rejoined the control room without us ever losing eye contact.

I guess I do put people at ease...

[gussyg2007]

(guy booking the studio for production tuition)now I've seen you using the black keys ...do I have use them ???

[TheBrightSide]

Originally Posted by GRiFF

Perhaps not as funny as suprising, we used to have toilet facilities just off the control room to the left of the monitoring. I had a new girl client, very attractive just a girl next door type, who had never worked with me before. Since it was just us together I was taken by surprise when mid discussion about arrangement she wandered into the cubicle and went for a tinkle with the door wide open, carried on chatting, wiped herself and rejoined the control room without us ever losing eye contact.

I guess I do put people at ease...

Lucky for you she didn't need a poo.

[TrueTone Studios]

Originally Posted by gussyg2007

(guy booking the studio for production tuition)now I've seen you using the black keys ...do I have use them ???

Really ... I hate the world

[dasbrodie]

Can you just Pro tools that?

[DaveUK]

Aah the pro tools as a verb line !!!! And not meaning Dverb ;+)

[narcoman]

Originally Posted by GRiFF

Perhaps not as funny as suprising, we used to have toilet facilities just off the control room to the left of the monitoring. I had a new girl client, very attractive just a girl next door type, who had never worked with me before. Since it was just us together I was taken by surprise when mid discussion about arrangement she wandered into the cubicle and went for a tinkle with the door wide open, carried on chatting, wiped herself and rejoined the control room without us ever losing eye contact.

I guess I do put people at ease...

Not sharp on the uptake? Heh

[Ego_Shredder]

Originally Posted by Papanate

This is probably what they meant.

Actually I took 'deeper' to mean more spirituality or meaning, e.g. in that hippy 'heavy man!' way that Neil from the Young Ones comedy used to always say. If this was the case, the engineer would have been stumped! Some requests are just beyond what an engineer can do; their powers of magic have to end somewhere!

[jake not]

Haven't posted here much but have been coming here for a long time. I have a million of them just on one of the music teachers where I work. Believe me when I tell you he is this ridiculous, so don't think I'm picking on him.

This is a live sound story, but I have recording ones too. He once insisted I give him a wireless lapel mic for announcements during a high school concert, rather than use an SM58 that we've used since the beginning of time. He also wanted to be able to talk to us up in the booth just in case he needs to "tell us how to tweak the sound". I was reluctant because of feedback problems, etc. etc but sometimes you just have to let things happen so people will learn, I told him to just remember to turn it off if you leave the stage, just to be safe. I'll skip some of the other "magic" he did and tell you few minutes later my intern and I were sitting there in the sound booth and heard the sound of running water coming over the CR monitor speakers.....it was him in the bathroom. Yup, he was peeing, humming away having a blast. My intern looks at me in complete horror but I remembered I muted him from the house (Actually PFL'd to the CR monitors) because I had a feeling he would do something dumb, but this surpised even me. He comes into the booth and I told him he should have listened to me and don't ever do that again, yada yada. He just chuckled and said oops. Not a clue. He then asks to do a sound check....that's a whole other talk show.

[Sentinel]

"That sounds Pro Tooled."

I got really tired of hearing that one by the same person.

[monkeyxx]

Originally Posted by Sentinel

"That sounds Pro Tooled."

I got really tired of hearing that one by the same person.

time to start using Cubase instead just to stump this person

[joeq]

Originally Posted by monkeyxx

time to start using Cubase instead just to stump this person

"that sounds Cubased"

"can't you just Ableton it?"

"this track has been Digital Performered to death"

[monkeyxx]

Originally Posted by joeq

"that sounds Cubased"

"can't you just Ableton it?"

"this track has been Digital Performered to death"

haha

part of me thinks the dum-dum stars of this thread only know about Pro Tools and would be confused by any other DAW software being used

[Talljoe]

Originally Posted by GRiFF

Perhaps not as funny as suprising, we used to have toilet facilities just off the control room to the left of the monitoring. I had a new girl client, very attractive just a girl next door type, who had never worked with me before. Since it was just us together I was taken by surprise when mid discussion about arrangement she wandered into the cubicle and went for a tinkle with the door wide open, carried on chatting, wiped herself and rejoined the control room without us ever losing eye contact.

I guess I do put people at ease...

She washed her hands, right?

Right?

[celticrogues]

Originally Posted by Talljoe

She washed her hands, right?

Right?

LOL!

[psycho_monkey]

Originally Posted by jake not

Haven't posted here much but have been coming here for a long time. I have a million of them just on one of the music teachers where I work. Believe me when I tell you he is this ridiculous, so don't think I'm picking on him.

This is a live sound story, but I have recording ones too. He once insisted I give him a wireless lapel mic for announcements during a high school concert, rather than use an SM58 that we've used since the beginning of time. He also wanted to be able to talk to us up in the booth just in case he needs to "tell us how to tweak the sound". I was reluctant because of feedback problems, etc. etc but sometimes you just have to let things happen so people will learn, I told him to just remember to turn it off if you leave the stage, just to be safe. I'll skip some of the other "magic" he did and tell you few minutes later my intern and I were sitting there in the sound booth and heard the sound of running water coming over the CR monitor speakers.....it was him in the bathroom. Yup, he was peeing, humming away having a blast. My intern looks at me in complete horror but I remembered I muted him from the house (Actually PFL'd to the CR monitors) because I had a feeling he would do something dumb, but this surpised even me. He comes into the booth and I told him he should have listened to me and don't ever do that again, yada yada. He just chuckled and said oops. Not a clue. He then asks to do a sound check....that's a whole other talk show.

Reminds me of a friend's anecdote - again doing foh for musical theatre, pfl-ing mics per show, he hears "that bloke on the sound desk's a right twat" from one of the actors, mid conversation to a friend.

He sends a message backstage "the bloke on the sound desk says he's not"...and listens to the penny drop on pfl...

[Student]

I was doing FOH at a club and a band didn't show up for soundcheck...typical. So behind the curtain I ask the singer what he wants in his monitor, he gives me a blank stare and says "What?".

Me: What do you want to hear in the speakers in front of you.
Him: Uh, what do you mean.
Me: You want some bass to track pitch better, guitars, your voice...
Him: A little of everything.
Me: O........kay. Well do you want to hear your vocals more? You probably do, nevermind, I'll do that.
Him: Just some good His Mids and Lows.
Me:I'm sorry, what was that, your guitar player was wanking...say that again.
Him: You know, just some good hi mid and lows.
Me: Uh, I can do that, sure.

[monkeyxx]

OH MAN!!!!!! somebody finally dropped the all time classic stinker "good highs mids and lows"!!!

[Talljoe]

Originally Posted by Student

I was doing FOH at a club and a band didn't show up for soundcheck...typical. So behind the curtain I ask the singer what he wants in his monitor, he gives me a blank stare and says "What?".

Me: What do you want to hear in the speakers in front of you.
Him: Uh, what do you mean.
Me: You want some bass to track pitch better, guitars, your voice...
Him: A little of everything.
Me: O........kay. Well do you want to hear your vocals more? You probably do, nevermind, I'll do that.
Him: Just some good His Mids and Lows.
Me:I'm sorry, what was that, your guitar player was wanking...say that again.
Him: You know, just some good hi mid and lows.
Me: Uh, I can do that, sure.

At a live, variety-show charity gig, a guy with a weird acoustic instrument walks around the audience playing it while I mic him on a a wireless lavalier. After the show he says, "If I known how alive this theatre was I wouldn't have had you mic me."

He should have come to &$*@ tech rehearsal, then.

Not a stupidest thing, but at this same show (I might have told this story before) an acoustic-electric guitar player plays his song in the first act without plugging in. I had no microphone on his instrument. During intermission I tell him, "Don't worry about, simple nervous mistake. For the second act I'll have a stagehand hand you the mic cord." Said stagehand hands said cord to said guitarist who plugs in but forgets to turn up his preamp. At least he came to tech rehearsal.

[rnaple]

Originally Posted by mrtuesday

Pretty much EXACTLY the same thing with me. Adele song - "la la la, oh f$&k s(;:t a@$". Didn't think of making a swear mix but think I will now!

Have either of you considered selling the cuss mix on iTunes?
I'd buy it.
Might do better than the other one.