stupidest things you have ever heard during a session.

[DaVinci]

Originally Posted by matt thomas

That reminds me of a story. I had just got a new Modulus 5 string bass. It had four tuning pegs on one side of the head and 1 (the g string) on the other. I was playing a decent sized gig, about 12,000 people, and I walked on stage and picked up my new bass for the first time in concert. The guitar tech had tuned the Low B string to E, the E to A etc.. and completely ignored the G string which was hanging loose..

Matt

Apparently, techs can party like rock stars too.

[Mozart]

This happened today;

Guy comes with his bitz on an ipod touch, and tells me to take the bit out of an ipod. I explained that I don't have his ipod synchronized with my itunes, so, not to waste time, i got an 1/8 to tt cable and recorded the "bitz" from his out on the ipod to my boards line input to Pro Tools.
He was stoned: YOU could do that?!?! he said....

I guess, Lately, people don't know what the recording studio is made for...
tutt

[DigitalVictim]

So one of our interns here at work is *gasp* a girl. A good looking one.

She doesn't know anything about anything audio and I'm pretty sure other people did her projects for the last three quarters at *big NYC recording school*.

I wish I could remember more of the things that she's asked but this one was hilarious:

Me: Why don't you just bounce your project so you can listen to it at home.

Her: But I'm not done yet.

Me: Well you can change the things you hear later...

Her: Wait, I don't want it to lock the session.

Me: ?

Her: After you bounce it, you can't change anything!

[SOUND55]

oh man..you guys just made my day...love this thread.. here's one that i'll never forget...

i do sound design for films.tvc's.telemovies.animation.games.

client: hey..can we have a unique sound design for this?

me: ok..wat u have in mind?

client : imagine yorself sitting in an aircraft engine...with the turbines spinning all over you.

guess there's idiots everywhere!!!!!

[Rockerrob]

I am only to page 90 or so...but I HAD TO ADD to this...

I have a small but very nice home studio complete with live and control rooms. I have been working with a young female producer who is going to Full Sail, she is a great singer and has fabulously large boobs. So she is over with about 4 rappers (she is the "pro-duce-her") having me track vocals for them. So one of the guys in in the booth, and the rest of us are in the control room (3 guys, and her)...everything is going wonderful...the hours pass...

Here is the funny part...she had her lap top on my production desk...everyone sits in the chairs behind the desk and we ALL are watching her SCREEN SAVER flash pictures and stuff..mostly just family shots, random stuff...when it happens

a huge full screen shot of this girl flashing tits and full beaver

I turn away from my screen just in time to see it...and say..

OH..BOOBS!

we all cracked up for hours.. I just met this girl ...so funny, her new engineer and rap talent (an entire crew) have now all seen the goods! lol

[BHickey]

So I have a few here from clients, engineer, groupies, and me. Most are just small misunderstandings of how things work, but are often funny (to me at least):

"I like to record to these analogue machines [ADATs] first before bouncing to my DAW to get that real tape compression and saturation sound!" - from another engineer who actually had a decent spot with a beautiful console.

"You don't have to worry about phase issues, that was only important when they recorded in mono" - same engineer from before I'm afraid

"I endorse and sell these mics out of my studio. I mean, I don't prefer to use them myself, but you can't find better mics!" - same guy as before (geeze I hate to pile on the poor guy)

"This is some real professional work here. What do you do for a living?" - from an artist after I finished recording and mixing their entire project. It's like come on man, aside from the fact that this is a commercial studio (NOT in a house as I could see how that can cause confusion) which I have been introduced to you as the manager of, I've worked with you morning, afternoons, and evenings on all different days of the week, which you saw me finish with clients before you, and start with others after your sessions. I don't know what YOU do for a living, but when would I have time for another job?

During the mixing of a live recording, a band member brought his girlfriend in to hear the mixes (on which one of the songs she drunkenly gave an intro to). When she heard herself she said, "These recordings sound just like they were from your concert last month!" Innocent enough, but was then followed later by "I need to stop drinking so much, I don't even remember coming to this studio, let alone recording my voice here!"

An intern once proudly played me his school project. He even brought in the Pro Tools session talking about how this was the pinnacle of what he as an engineer could do at that point. I listened and the drums sound very distant, but not in a cool or artistic way on their standard gospel R&B song. I soloed each track and asked them why they had two sets of room mics but no overheads when they recorded in a large live room. "Well my partner setup all the mics and we only realized later the the 414's he used as overheads were backwards [facing the ceiling instead of the drums]". Ok, putting the mics up backwards is simple beginner mistake (I've done it too), but then I asked him why the the lack of clear drum sounds wasn't noticed as soon as they checked levels and sounds, thus allowing them to go fix it before recording, he said "I dunno, it just didn't seem that important to have the drums sound that good"

Lastly, myself: I had the pleasure to work with a very well known blind musician/ singer. Upon playing back of the track for his fist go at a solo (the song wasn't his so he wasn't particularly familiar with it) the producer was having a hard time explaining to the artist exactly where he wanted his solo to come in. As I don't generally think it is a good idea to yell cues over the talk back mic during a take (this producer's preferred method), I suggested that we just give the artist a "3...2...1...go" hand signal through the control room glass. The producer thought it was a good idea, but luckily I realized the stupidity of giving a BLIND performer a VISUAL SIGNAL before suggesting the idea to the artist. Still don't know if the producer was as dumb as I was, or if he was messing with me trying to get me tell the musician "just look at us through the glass and we'll give you a signal"

[Makinithappen]

Originally Posted by BHickey

"This is some real professional work here. What do you do for a living?" - from an artist after I finished recording and mixing their entire project. It's like come on man, aside from the fact that this is a commercial studio (NOT in a house as I could see how that can cause confusion) which I have been introduced to you as the manager of, I've worked with you morning, afternoons, and evenings on all different days of the week, which you saw me finish with clients before you, and start with others after your sessions. I don't know what YOU do for a living, but when would I have time for another job?

It's baffling how often I get this one...

Same deal.... Commercial place, clients before and after, always here when they call, business cards with my name on them sitting on the studio managers desk....

[joeq]

"This is some real professional work here. What do you do for a living?"

Originally Posted by Makinithappen

It's baffling how often I get this one...

Same deal.... Commercial place, clients before and after, always here when they call, business cards with my name on them sitting on the studio managers desk....

If you think about it, outside of the obvious 'free time' issues, these people can be forgiven their confusion.

In a way, I think these guys may be more in tune with what is happening in the music industry than we are. I sometime have a hard time believing myself that I am making a living doing this; that, like Wile E. Coyote, I will look down, realize nothing is supporting me, and fall.

[John Eppstein]

Ok, I've got one for you - at my last rehearsal, getting ready to finally record to tape instead of the damn computer, toward the end of the session, talking to my harmonica player about microphones. She has a couple od Green Bullets and I have an immaculate vintage '60s Shure 545L, which is the lavalier version of the Unidyne III which became the SM57 (the old ones sound better though) with the thin attached cable and short body. Anyway I was asking her why she brought the bullet when she'd been using the 545 for the last couple of sessions and everybody preferred the tone, including her. Her answer: "Well I was worried that all the sound wouldn't get through that skinny cable. My bullet has a much fatter one."

[awalk42]

This happened at the end of the first project I ever did that I actually got paid for(everything before was for bands I was in).

Got half up front, and when we finished, she brought me a check that had been written to her and she said 'I'll just endorse it on the back, you can cash it.' Needless to say after that I didn't give her mixes to her until I got straight cash.

mix notes.......

Can that track be 10% louder, and I want that part to be 38% louder, and that part to be 12% louder....

another project....

This girl came in to record and first thing she said was 'vocals are my thing, I already know all the parts I want to sing, so you just worry about the tracking and arrangements and mixing, just let me sing until I feel like I get all the parts right.

While we tracked, I was comping and playing back every vocal line she sang before we moved on to another phrase, so by the end of each session for the song, she would have a completely comped vocal that she was happy with.

2 weeks later, she's gone back home 4 states away and I'm sending her final mixes.....

Can we get a different take of that line....and a different take of that one....I think I had a better take of that one....

Put that harmony part back in, I really need to hear it there(referring to parts that never got recorded because 'she knows what parts she wants to sing')

Can you redo that guitar? You played it wrong(I played it in front of her, right after she taught me the part, cause she couldn't play to a click)

She ended up not being happy with my mixes, so I sent her the stems for someone else to mix, and then a year and 3 mix engineers later, she released my mixes.

And I've only been doing this full time for 4 years, it can only get crazier from here......

[ray_subsonic]

Originally Posted by awalk42

She ended up not being happy with my mixes, so I sent her the stems for someone else to mix, and then a year and 3 mix engineers later, she released my mixes.

And I've only been doing this full time for 4 years, it can only get crazier from here......

Oh Yes ... That 1 thing is for sure ...

[toolskid]

Originally Posted by awalk42

She ended up not being happy with my mixes, so I sent her the stems for someone else to mix, and then a year and 3 mix engineers later, she released my mixes.

And I've only been doing this full time for 4 years, it can only get crazier from here......

you ain't seen NOTHING yet...

[DaVinci]

The "what do you REALLY do for a living" thing isn't limited to music.

I got that a lot back in my timeshare days.

I made six figures and worked 30 hours a week... and got asked at least once a week what I did for a living.

I think people from little towns who work in factories or as dishwashers or whatever just can't grasp that anyone doesn't make their living clocking in and doing 50 hours a week of manual labor.

I suspect it's the same with music... probably moreso as there are MANY engineers, etc... that can't pay their bills that way, but do it anyway when they can get the work.

[character]

Let's see... I had finished tracking a band this summer, and was finishing up the mixes. I was hired to engineer (they basically produced it themselves and were pretty happy with rough takes that I wouldn't have let pass if it were my decision). A fan of another "rival" band had asked one of the band members why their band wasn't on Facebook yet. The band member said that the band's "producer" must not have done that for them yet...

While this current band was recording, the other "rival" band was named Artist of the Week by a magazine in their genre. The current band I was working with was somewhat jealous, and when someone was teasing them about it, they said their "producer" hadn't gotten them on that "radio station" yet. I guess they didn't know that the award was from a magazine.

The sad part is, they were jealous of the rival band who was successful, but that band put a lot of time into making a great record. The current band just threw their record together in a day or so, and I spent a month getting it to sound as good as possible while they kept calling asking if it was done yet. It actually is listenable now, but it's not equal to the other band's record.

[amishsixstringe]

Originally Posted by character

Let's see... I had finished tracking a band this summer, and was finishing up the mixes. I was hired to engineer (they basically produced it themselves and were pretty happy with rough takes that I wouldn't have let pass if it were my decision). A fan of another "rival" band had asked one of the band members why their band wasn't on Facebook yet. The band member said that the band's "producer" must not have done that for them yet...

While this current band was recording, the other "rival" band was named Artist of the Week by a magazine in their genre. The current band I was working with was somewhat jealous, and when someone was teasing them about it, they said their "producer" hadn't gotten them on that "radio station" yet. I guess they didn't know that the award was from a magazine.

The sad part is, they were jealous of the rival band who was successful, but that band put a lot of time into making a great record. The current band just threw their record together in a day or so, and I spent a month getting it to sound as good as possible while they kept calling asking if it was done yet. It actually is listenable now, but it's not equal to the other band's record.

I was really thinking that this was going to end with them thinking that YOU were the producer and try to get you to make their facebook page for them. ahaha.

I only mention that, because some people (rappers) think that is what recording studios do.

Neil

[character]

Yeah really. lol

The confusion of roles arises for several reasons. For one, I get most clients through word-of-mouth, so they are friends or acquaintances. Therefore I do take a big interest in some of the groups, going to their shows and getting to understand their music outside of the studio. Between this and the time we spend in the studio, lots of ideas are discussed, and I try to make them aware of ideas for promoting themselves that they may not have tried yet.

The other reason is that I tend to work with older musicians who aren't as internet-savvy, so it either takes them a while to try new forms of technology (websites, social media) or they need help with it. I also work with several bands that have a history with one another. They're relatively new bands formed by veteran musicians from the same "scene", and most of them have either played together in bands before or just know each other. So there is plenty of room for friendly rivalry. It's 99.9% all in good fun though.

There are also other issues sometimes with band members confusing the role of a studio with the role of a record company. One of the bands that I recorded didn't want to sign with a record label, because they were "happy recording at my studio". I told her, that unless it's a bigger label that is closely involved in the studio process, they probably could still record with me. Now, after explaining that to her, the same topic came up again just recently. I did a record for another artist, and it was released on a small label. She told me that the other artist ripped me off - because on their CD packaging it said "Such-and-Such Records". She told me that the album wasn't recorded there, it was recorded at my studio.

Of course, it's just my job to record these artists and get their albums to the point of being ready to release. What they do in their business decisions is literally their own business, but when they confuse the issues, it can get tricky to explain. Especially when they're turning down labels because they don't know what labels are, and they don't want to be disloyal to my studio. It's kinda like... "by all means, at least see what the label is offering and if it benefits you. I can still record you, and the album will possibly get out to even more people if the label can distribute it and market it right".

I guess I can understand the trend in rap music for there to be "production companies" that merge the recording, label, and management duties. It's just hard to do without money to fund it all, at least in the more "acoustic" roots genres that I work in.

[Christopher Bay]

I love this thread.

I've had all the common ones of course.

Here's one I've had a couple of times [like today for instance]

We're all set up with sounds

everyone's happy with headphones and everything

I'm just about to press record and the drummer runs in

Drummer: yeh, this is a really simple camera right, just point and go, just make sure you get a shot of all of us and one of me when I'm riding on the crash cymbal, cheers

Me:er...yeh....just leave it there by the desk

fuuck

[ahjteam]

Originally Posted by K. Osborne

"I like to do six or ten demos of a song before I even start recording. Then I like to do scratch tracks for every instrument. Once it's all perfect, then I come in and record it until I get it right, and then use that version."

I wanted to punch that guy in the face. I looked at him and said "if you're going to do that, you need to find another place to record." It's ridiculous--why would you need six to ten demos of each song on an EP? What does that even mean? What does that even mean? By the time it's recorded, it will lose all emotion and energy. Plus, if he needs that long to master a song that he has written, he needs to work some more on his craft.

On a serious note, I don't find it that weird, as I am doing exactly that for my own debut release, but the thing is that I'm recording the pre-prod demos myself at home, so I'm not losing any money, just time and hard drive space. Most of my demos are between version 3 and 7.

[character]

Originally Posted by ahjteam

On a serious note, I don't find it that weird, as I am doing exactly that for my own debut release, but the thing is that I'm recording the pre-prod demos myself at home, so I'm not losing any money, just time and hard drive space. Most of my demos are between version 3 and 7.

Yeah, it's not necessarily unusual to record several takes as a "demo", and then basically use that as a scratch or foundation to build upon and record the proper takes (within the same project). That's one good thing about digital - the transition between demo and "actual" recording is very easy. But if I read the original post correctly, it sounds like that guy wanted to record six to ten separate demos until getting a good one. Then he would then add more instruments to figure out an ideal arrangement (with no intention of using those takes on the final version). He would then scrap all that and start completely over to record the actual "keeper" tracks. So many extra steps... just build up from the demo if it really is "perfect" to start with.

[mjrippe]

I think that the stupidest quote ever was during a local hip-hop/rap session when I was a staff engineer at a studio in Baltimore. It was standard practice for these groups to bring in their crew along with some Hennesy and several blunts. I never took part in these rituals although it was offered. The producer at one point asked me if I could make the mix sound more "purple". I looked him in the eye and said "I don't know, what color is it now?". He totally cracked up and admitted he had no idea!

[ahjteam]

Originally Posted by character

So many extra steps... just build up from the demo if it really is "perfect" to start with.

They're not perfect in any way and I'm not really going to keep any of the performance stuff in the demo versions because my playing is really shitty and sloppy on them, and played with badly intonated and sometimes even slightly out of tune guitars with old strings. I'm going to re-record everything with better gear (like using real amps instead of ampsims) and use real drums and a real drummer instead of midi drums. Since I had a bit of an accident and my backup hard drive crashed and I lost all of the sessions and audio files except the mp3 bounces of the songs I had on my drop box, so it's easier just to start over, as the songs ain't really rocket science (usually just drums, bass and guitars and maybe really simple keys and percussions on some of the songs) and there are no tempo or signature changes, except only in one song.





But yeah, back on topic!

I heard a really good one this Friday... I'm currently an exchange student in a college located in Minnesota, and I'm living in the dorms which is mostly filled the freshmen. I'm 26 and about 6-8 years older than almost everybody else at the whole school and basically I'm a freshman too, but because of my exchange student status I'm really a third year student and thus going to higher level classes, so I have studio access to 2-3 levels higher than the other freshmen. This meaning that they can use pro tools lab and I can access SSL Duality consoles etc.

So, then the other dorm people ask why I'm not using my studio access at all. Main reason is that the school started like 3 weeks ago and I've only used the console only 3 times and it's not the easiest space shuttle to operate and I'm not yet 100% confident with it. But since I can use the other studios too, I said to my roommate (who's an excellent singer even though he is only 18):

"sure, I can record you. Do you have any songs or lyrics ready?"

...long pause...

"no"



And the thing is that I've gotten that question from atleast three or four people already. Maybe they don't realize, that it's easier to record something, if there is something to record?

[darcproductions]

After tracking for 12 hours and explaining to the artist for hours, that mix and edit was a whole different ball park and was done on another day, her reply to this was...

"I understand I edit in PT at home..."

At the end of the day...

Her-"I've got to go in 10 minutes can I get the mix..."????

[Dizzi45Z]

This one stems from the same request I get a ton of times a year... to create choirs or doubled tracks by simply duplicating one track a bunch of times and panning them all over.

Here is the story:

I help arrange projects for albums with string sections and etc. I was creating arrangements with string samplers for an album where the artist and I decided that it would be good to record any solo violin parts with a great violinist. At this point, we only had one song that really had that. But regardless, I get a call a day before the session and the call went like this:

Client: We would like you to notate the string parts for "song A" and "song B"

Me: Cool. Now I now what string part you are talking about in "song A," but "song B" doesn't have any solo string parts.

Client: I know, but can you just notate all the violin parts in "song B"?

Me: What is the plan?

Client: Well, I would like to record her playing each part. Then I would like you to copy and paste each of those parts 6-7 times to create violin sections out of those string parts.

[memphisindie]

Guy comes to record some acoustic rock material for an album (released).
We record all the tracks, no problem, then the vocals, no problem, then the mix, uh oh.
I put a little verb on it and he likes it, he asks for echo, and the way he sings, a few well placed cannon echo's would be nice, but, he wants extreme echo.
This guy's songs would have been fine with NO echo, strong material. He doesn't have time to mix or for me to write the automation required to get his echos right and says, "my girlfriend will LOVE this" and insists I leave it all on.
He releases the record, goes on a foreign songwriter's forum site, and says, "I went to get this done old school and this is what I got, I'll never do that again".
Bizarrely enough, this record got the best reviews he ever had.
It never dawned on him that shirking his own responsibility for screwing his own pooch would be a bad idea.

He has since apologized for this whole thing, even in that forum.

[character]

Originally Posted by ahjteam

They're not perfect in any way and I'm not really going to keep any of the performance stuff in the demo versions because my playing is really shitty and sloppy on them, and played with badly intonated and sometimes even slightly out of tune guitars with old strings.

In that case, it's perfectly understandable to scrap the demo - because it was actually just a rough demo. I was referring more to the other poster whose client was doing almost fully-produced demos until they were "perfect" and then starting over for the actual tracks. Way too much work. If I was doing demos, I'd do it your way, or get the demo parts correct and build up from there. One or the other lol.

[redrum]

setting up a 57 on the hihat ..
Drummer : Let`s aim it this direction (Pointing at his head)
Me : Why
Drummer : I saw it on youtube , The mike was aiming at the drummer
Me :

[dkelley]

Originally Posted by Dizzi45Z

This one stems from the same request I get a ton of times a year... to create choirs or doubled tracks by simply duplicating one track a bunch of times and panning them all over.

Here is the story:

I help arrange projects for albums with string sections and etc. I was creating arrangements with string samplers for an album where the artist and I decided that it would be good to record any solo violin parts with a great violinist. At this point, we only had one song that really had that. But regardless, I get a call a day before the session and the call went like this:

Client: We would like you to notate the string parts for "song A" and "song B"

Me: Cool. Now I now what string part you are talking about in "song A," but "song B" doesn't have any solo string parts.

Client: I know, but can you just notate all the violin parts in "song B"?

Me: What is the plan?

Client: Well, I would like to record her playing each part. Then I would like you to copy and paste each of those parts 6-7 times to create violin sections out of those string parts.

See - this is why I get jobs all the time (as a session violinist who is also and engineer, producer, arranger and transcriber). I record all the parts myself but actually play each part of a string section over and over - it's the only way to get a string section that is thick, full and real out of a 14x14 foot room :-)

however her statement is pretty typical - people don't realize that panning the same track all over the place just results in a very loud, noisier and slightly off-center mono solo violin track.

[dkelley]

Originally Posted by redrum

setting up a 57 on the hihat ..
Drummer : Let`s aim it this direction (Pointing at his head)
Me : Why
Drummer : I saw it on youtube , The mike was aiming at the drummer
Me :

wow, a 57 on the drummer's head? you would be able to hear a pin drop (says the part time drummer)

for that matter - a 57 on hats? I've never, ever tried that. shows my ignorance - but I hardly every track drums...

I'm loving this thread - nothing to contribute right now, but loving it. Recently I've been working solo and all the stupid things that get said come out of my own mouth...

[Colonel Blues]

Originally Posted by dkelley

however her statement is pretty typical - people don't realize that panning the same track all over the place just results in a very loud, noisier and slightly off-center mono solo violin track.

Idea : Even if you give each copy of the track a slightly different groove with the groove function of your DAW ?
(That said, I never tried, it's just an idea coming to me right now…)

[loujudson]

Originally Posted by dkelley

See - this is why I get jobs all the time (as a session violinist who is also and engineer, producer, arranger and transcriber). I record all the parts myself but actually play each part of a string section over and over - it's the only way to get a string section that is thick, full and real out of a 14x14 foot room :-)

however her statement is pretty typical - people don't realize that panning the same track all over the place just results in a very loud, noisier and slightly off-center mono solo violin track.

So, Don, do you do it by setting the same mic posotion and moving a little between takes? I know a trombone player who did that to create a very realistic 8 voice Bone choir. Or do you just pan them differently?

L