announcing bitWarmer(tm)

[heinz]

Here up at heinzmuzik labs, we're constantly striving to improve those things that do not require improvement. To that end, we're very proud to announce the release of bitWarmer(tm), our new digital warming device.

What's bitWarmer(tm)?

Our engineers recently had a revelation, all these years the optimal analog media was right under our noses, the 3.5" floppy disk drive! But the real breakthrough came with the discovery of bitWarming technology.

Most floppy drives realize perfect digital copies from the source media. However, our engineers found that when we add a couple extra volts to the write operation (in addition to some proprietary in-line components), the bits would actually Phatten(tm) in a way that added analog warmth and fourth-order harmonics to the digital signal.

Now musicians and engineers alike can utilize this exceptional tool to add vintage analog warmth to their projects. And unlike other products, bitWarmer(tm) has no a/d/a conversion stages, your signal stays completely within the digital realm with no generation loss.

bitWarmer(tm) also works as an exceptional digital format converter, allowing you to convert from AES to USB without so much as a errant digital blip. Think of the possibilities!

But don't just use it on audio, try it on your Microsoft Word(R) documents, Excel(R) spreadsheets, and e-mail!!! All of these entities can benefit greatly from bitWarmer(tm) technology! Imagine the looks on your friend's faces when they get a nice toasty warm e-mail from you, perfect for recipients in cold climates!

With our prototype recently completed (see above pic), we are now moving into full production and expect the first units will be shipping as soon as 2006! Don't get left behind, order today!

Enjoy!

- the engineers at heinzmuzik labs -

[Ruphus]

Hey guys,

You can believe Heinzmusik Labs.
These guys have always released promissing stuff, that´s why I beta-tested their new baby.
This first thelike never been device blows away every other bit any day of all weeks!
I tried it with a umma gumma and benzol notes sub frequencies and it just smoothed out the zeros like the candles on your dinner cable. It can also merge a tuba with a xylophone which gives incredible bagpipes.
Its algomix is written in a 2µ - per - bus rhythm based on newly invented hyper cycles. But what I liked most about it is the fact that it can also emulate a free modem. ( As you can see above in the in- and out LEDs there in the moment is dialed in the German police emergency call number. ) Free modem means it enters the telephone line and pretends to be the connection of Wijtyla IV so the bill gets accounted to the Vaticans brothel department and nobody finds out.
However, as they had some losses on their Parmalat stockings calls to New Sealand e.g. shouldn´t be hold much longer than 6 hours a ring.

The drawback on this box is that there will be only a small batch of 300 units, because the next model, the A- bitHot (tm ) will be realsed already. So orders must be placed before January 15th.

So, you better get your unseen bargain soon. It costs only $1,999.00. You could also get the same functions later with the A- bitHot ( tm ) which will have some more features like paypal register emulation, but that one needs more manufactory and will be $3,229.00 then.



Jeez, .. who made that Happy New Year cigarette?

Ruphus

[ttauri]

Originally posted by heinz
But don't just use it on audio, try it on your Microsoft Word(R) documents, Excel(R) spreadsheets, and e-mail!!! All of these entities can benefit greatly from bitWarmer(tm) technology! Imagine the looks on your friend's faces when they get a nice toasty warm e-mail from you, perfect for recipients in cold climates!

I'd love to see what it can do for digital photos! Especially recall shots of gear! Sure that Urei sounds warm, but the pictures... they just don't capture "that analog feel".

Peece,
T. Tauri

[XHipHop]

Is Mercenary carrying these?

[Kaneepa]

Just grabbed serial no. #13!

It's awesome! I'm using it for filtering out bad bits on my cellular phone! Now I'm getting phat and warm conversation over my line!



Happy new year!

Michele

[helios69]

hey heinz,

first of all thank you very much for developing such a great product! i am ready to order but have one question before:
since i have a digital refridgerator (clocked to an apogee big ben) i am wondering if it is possible to run it through the bitwarmer to produce warmer icecubes. i always get throatproblems when drinking orangejuice with ice from my digital fridge but i hope those times are over now when bitwarmer is home.
did you do any testing with digital fridges, yet?
thanks in advance,

helios69

[cannikin]

What is their website address?

[filarion]

So is there going to be a native version of the Bitwarmer anytime soon? I'm sure that what with the advances in CPUs there has to be some kind of virtual analog-digital-analog simulation that can do that - plus, you could use an old 5 1/4" drive for even floppier bitwarming goodness. You know, rackspace comes at a premium these days...

[heinz]

wow needless to say we are overwhelmed by the enthusiastic responses we've received since our announcement!

I hope I can address all your questions satisfactorily.

Ruphus: Thanks again for helping us beta test, your feedback was invaluable. But as you know the terms of the beta agreement forbid you from speaking about other products. bitHot(tm) is still in the research phase, and our only prototype self-ignited and burned up in the lab yesterday.

ttauri: limited testing on digital photos has yielded interesting results... sort of a soft lens glow similar to a Martha Stewart show...

XHipHop: No word on distributors yet, but we are currently in talks with Ed Roman and other well-known music equipment distributors.

Michele: thanks for the phone call yesterday! Most cuddly.

helios69: We are producing a mod for the bitWarmer that enables digital refrigerator connectivity. Kenmore transformers are required on both input & output in order to keep warming levels in check... we also need to add a bright BLUE light for undetermined reasons.

cannikin: web ordering is not yet on-line, our webmaster recently scored a big bag of grass so we have not been able to contact him for a few days. This is terrible timing as we have many preorders in the queue. If he doesn't show soon, we may have to pay someone.

best regards,

- the engineers at heinzmuzik labs -

[Ol' Betsey]

Will it make the new re-issue floppies sound as good as my old ones?

I've never really been able to get into the new floppy technology.

My Akai samples just never seem as phat as they use to.

Something about that vintage-floppy warmth...



R.

[DaveC]

I've heard of emulating tape-compression, but this....fuuck !!!
What's next?
Oh yeah, a new Digidesign rig with software that emulates the "old" 888-16 bit converters!?!
Sorry for not being too enthusiastic about this new product, but how far can one go?

Good one!

[robdarling]

Why would I buy that thing? I'm sure Sintefex could just model the floppy by modulating the space fluxiness- it's not a very dynamic system and only has a couple of processes.

Maybe you should add some more shit and try to buy a final run of some parts being obsoleted so it can never really be known if it is being properly copied.

Better, yet, shove it in a vault for thirty years and let it get old, and then no one will know if the emulations are good or not.

[jbuntz]

Originally posted by Ol' Betsey
Will it make the new re-issue floppies sound as good as my old ones?

I've never really been able to get into the new floppy technology.

My Akai samples just never seem as phat as they use to.

Something about that vintage-floppy warmth...



R.

I personally like 5 1/4 Floppy drives alot better. Wider track width = better bass response. Can you have things like IBM, Maxtor, Seagate etc. presets. Those IBM's were PHAT sounding!

[Ruphus]

Originally posted by jbuntz
Those IBM's were PHAT sounding!

Well, yes, but I always found them too corrosive sounding in the upper mids, which made them somehow pop out of the slot. For a balanced image I like the Fujis better.

Maybe it´s a matter of taste, maybe it´s a question of with what diskette brand you have been grown up and all, you know. Some swear on the cheap Iomega crap for instance, but that´s only because they havn´t tried listening through a real TEAC drive.

To each his own, your milage may vary and it finally also depends on the case.

Regards,

Suhpur

[heinz]

I actually have an 8" floppy drive from an old datapoint system. Perhaps.... too phat.